Miley Cyrus’s Faux-Coyness Calibrated To Tell You All You Need To Know About How Much Underwear-Model Arse She’s Getting

Miley Cyrus kicked off her “I Wasn’t Killed By a Drunk Driver, Regardless of What My Hacked YouTube Page Sez! :D” tour with a stop at Ellen DeGeneres’s show, which won’t air until tomorrow. Ellen has become somewhat of a tween superstar guidance counsellor in recent weeks, having lent Taylor Swift a shoulder to cry on as the country star recounted her brutal, half-minute Jonas brother tele-dumping. Cyrus, however, proved a tougher nut to crack, offering nothing but a series of guttural grunts and snorts in response to DeGeneres’s line of underwear-model-boyfriend questioning. So embarrassed is she by the prospect of revealing the true nature of her relationship with the recipient of her obscene, catwalk-side tongue-gestures, Cyrus eventually tumbles sideways inside her chair—a bout of forced-coyness rendered all the more unsettling by her raspy giggles of fake embarrassment. *Shudder.* [Ellen]