Kathie Lee Gifford: Pooped Out Of The Anals Of 30 Rock

Kathie Lee Gifford, Cheyenne Jackson-certified bitch and vocally miserable co-host of the fourth hour of Today, was in rare form again this morning. Discussing a performance of Etta James’s “At Last” by Beyoncé in the earlier, non-farm-league portion of the broadcast (and surrounded by half-empty wine bottles, as if that really bears mentioning), Green-Eyed Monster Gifford expanded her 20-foot demon wingspan before launching into her own version of the song. Co-host Hoda Kotb responded by giggling nervously, as if to say, “Yes, just like that, Kathie Lee, but—you know—less dried-out, desperate, and utterly soulless.” Gifford then launched right into what she does best: complaining. “You thought there was action up above?” she segued into her gripe-of-the-minute. “Well, down below, in the anals of Rockefeller Center—her…guy wouldn’t let me in!” Sasha Fierce—we don’t know who your bodyguard is, but we think you owe him a performance bonus for keeping the backstage bowels Kathie Lee-free. [Today]