Today Tonight’s Newest Host Matthew White Awaits Your Bollocking

That handsome sporty devil Matthew White is switched on enough to realise that since every single Today Tonight host in history has been the target of piss taking and disrespect, his time in the hosting hot seat – which begins today/tonight, people! – will probably result in his name becoming synonymous with shoddy reporting. And with journalistic instincts like that, our Matthew is going to go far!

Matthew White is bracing himself for a possible pasting when he takes the chair as the new host of Channel Seven’s Today Tonight tomorrow.

Previous hosts Stan Grant, Naomi Robson and Anna Coren have all been subjects of sarcastic mirth over the years.

Grant was famously sent up on Frontline, Coren was a favourite target of The Chaser boys and Robson attracted barbs over her dress and off-air tirades.

Former sports presenter White, 38, is more concerned about his toughest critic – his mother.

Is Matthew White… erm… how do I word this? The man’s most important female influence appears to be his mother, and there’s no mention of a wife or girlfriend in the article. I suppose what I’m asking is… is Matthew single?

Moving on – Matthew seems to think that he won’t cop quite as much flack as his predecessors, stating:

“At least being a male there will probably be a little less scrutiny of my hair and clothes, although I’m prepared to cop some abuse over my tie selection – my mum never holds back with an opinion,” he said.

Hang on a second, Matthew! I think you’ll find compelling evidence Stan Grant is also anatomically classified as male contained in his pants, although I would imagine some of his ex-wife’s legitimate complaints would include the fact said evidence was often not in his pants, but whatever.

And those of you worried that Anna Coren broke up with Channel Seven on bad terms? Relax! Matthew insists all is good and well…

“People always think there is some scandal but this was really open and transparent,” he said. “Anna had already told them she wanted to leave and that was all cool. It was an open process. There was nothing cloak and dagger about it. Anna was really happy about it. She left a classic message on my phone.

Ha! That Anna, always bringing the “classic” lulz – intentionally or unintentionally.

Good luck tonight, Matthew! May the force be with you!

Today Tonight all right, says White