Highlights From Last Night’s ARIA Awards Ceremony!

Oooh, I tell you what – there’s nothing that I love more than the ARIA Awards. All that glitz and glamour, energetic live performances, hilarious one liners, drinking in excess by people who should know better… it’s awesome! Oh, wait, sorry. That was Australian Idol. But the ARIAs are okay too!

Shall we go through a few of the choice highlights from last night? Let’s do it!HAMISH AND ANDY AS HOSTS

Can they host everything on Australian television from now on? I don’t know what it is about those two, but I just want to eat them up with a spoon. And even though I should know better, I was giggling and on edge during the entire hanging-from-the-roof skit, and then squealed a bit when Andy fell through the floor of the stage. If I could buy shares in Hamish’s brain, I would. And Andy’s cheekbones could cut glass.

A NIGHT FOR TRIPPING!

The trouble with dressing yourself in elaborate Lady Gaga-esque ensembles with loads of drapey bits is that when you’re running across the stage belting out your hit ‘Black And Gold’, you’re likely to step on a piece of fabric and have a little stumble. Am I right Sam Sparro? And don’t you sit there looking smug, Singer from Faker – I noticed your little misstep too.

GABRIELLA CILMI – HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL POP STAR AND MULTIPLE ARIA AWARD WINNER, NOT THE GREATEST ORATOR OF OUR TIME

I have nothing against Gabriella Cilmi personally. I find ‘Sweet About Me’ contains too many faux-Winehouse affectations to be really endearing, but I like that song where she goes ‘You look good, you look good, you’re good looking!’ so, you know, I’m down with the youth and quite relevant and all that jazz. She’s a beautiful girl who looks much older than her seventeen years when doused in make up, but as soon as she opens her mouth to talk, you’re reminded of the fact she’s a teenage girl from Dandenong. Honest to god, if we had to see her up there six times in a night (deserved? I say nay, not for all of them – sorry Cilmi!) delivering acceptance speech after acceptance speech, I really wish she’d been remotely entertaining. Although I am glad to know she thinks her brother looks hot in his new hat. Nice work getting the entire Cilmi clan into the ARIAs by the way, Gabriella.

THE PRESETS RULE!

Even though Gabriella Cilmi won 87 awards including Best Male Artist, it was nice to see The Presets collecting a few awards, especially the Very Important award given out at the end of the night, Album Of The Year. They seem like nice lads, and I was very happy to hear them pay tribute to their manager Will Larnach-Jones in their final speech – there’s nothing we like better around here than paying tribute to Will Larnach-Jones! Seriously. You people should take some time out of your day and pay tribute to him too. His ability to locate insanely brilliant YouTube videos kept our Clip Of The Day feature running throughout 2007.

Also: The Presets performing My People? Good. The Presets performing My People whilst wearing Muppets on their heads? Confusing. But very Parliament.

HOWS ABOUT THAT CROWD, EH?

Good lord, were the members of the public who’d been allowed into the ceremony excited or what? Screaming in a thrilled manner constantly, dancing joyously – I swear to God, a few of them were raging as though they were watching The Prodigy circa 1997, and this was during Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu’s performance!

URGENT TELEGRAM FOR THE VERONICAS STOP YOU ARE TURNING INTO MARK-KATE OLSEN STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD EAT A SANDWICH STOP

And what was with the blonde locks, Jess? Did Azaria have anything to do with this? Did he try to make your hair theArt? Do not want.

WHICH STRAIGHT GIRL DID RUBY ROSE END UP PASHING?

This isn’t a blind item, it’s a genuine question. My money’s on Vanessa Amorosi.

Your highlights, please?