Hef’s New Twins Do Everything Together — Even Getting Arrested

After an existential crisis that left him splayed on his four-poster bed, deserted but for his Viagra and ennui, Hugh Hefner is finally bouncing back with the help of nubile, 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon. The duo’s semi-incestuous sister act should help Hef fill the hole left by the wayward Girls Next Door who have abandoned him, but should he still hold a grudge against Holly, Kendra, and Bridget, he’s in luck: the twins aren’t afraid to beat a bitch down, and they have the record to prove it!