Baby-Hungry Holly Madison Pained To Learn Hef’s Pond Was Dry

Hugh Hefner is currently undergoing a transformation that bears all the signs of a late-life crisis; after all, he’s traded in his young, blond, nubile girlfriends for younger, blonder, face-kicking twins. Sadly, despite the fact that Hef’s new girlfriends are still teenaged, he’s still not much for children, and ex-Girl Next Door Holly Madison says that it was her fruitless attempts to bear Hef’s spawn that forced her to finally pack her frilly underthings and depart Holmby Hills:

“We tried for me to get pregnant by in vitro fertilisation, because it wasn’t going to happen the old-fashioned way.”

…While Holly says she “devoted 100 percent” of herself to the professional hedonist, she never quite got into the swing of his famed lifestyle.

“I’m not really into polygamy,” she says. “That was never my thing. I think that’s why I was looking to either have a kid or leave.”

But the age difference between Holly and 82-year-old Hef proved to be the ultimate obstacle for the pair.

“When the IVF didn’t work out after months of giving myself injections every day and feeling horrible, the clinic informed me it wasn’t possible because he was too old,” she says.

It’s a shame those crazy kids couldn’t make it work, as we would have loved to see Hef and Holly raise a bathrobe-clad brood given to questions like, “How did you and Mummy fall in love?” (”Well, Mummy was spread-eagle in a shower with Mummy 2 and Mummy 3…”). At the very least, Show and Tell would never have been the same.

• Holly Madison: ‘Hef was too old for IVF’ [Woman's Day]