Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Australia’s Next Top Model Host Seeks Voluptuous Girls
4:55PM Jess McGuire | New host of Australia’s Next Top Model, the lovely and exceedingly wealthy Sarah Murdoch, has declared she’s seeking curvaceous ladies for the next installment of the program. No word on whether they need to embrace their inner hatred of science nerds, though.
Here’s the skinny on Sarah Murdoch’s first mission in her role as the new host of Australia’s Next Top Model – she wants to find a plus-size superstar.
In an industry obsessed with body image, the 36-year-old media darling and tireless charity campaigner says that discovering a larger role model entrant is her ultimate goal for the fifth series of the Foxtel show.
Sounds promising! We can only hope that whichever busty wench is picked out from the crowd by Mrs Murdoch and thrust into the national spotlight doesn’t end up cracking from the bitchy comments of scrawny teenage bitches who cannot, like, believe she even, like, ate those carbs! Is she retarded?
Sarah goes on to say: More » 
The Qantas Curse Continues: The Flying Kangaroo Can’t Even Catch A Break At Ground Level
4:19PM Jess McGuire | Alas, the Qantas troubles continue.
Seven people were injured when a Qantas bus swerved to avoid an accident with another vehicle at Sydney Airport.
A Qantas spokesman said the accident happened about 8.30am (AEDT) when the bus was transferring passengers between the international and domestic terminals.
Seriously, did someone place a gypsy curse on Qantas after being refused an upgrade to business class?
MORE: Seven injured in Qantas bus accident More » 
Sophie Monk Admits She’s Crap In The Sack
4:19PM Jess McGuire | Bless her cotton socks – in true Aussie style, Sophie Monk displayed some good old fashioned self-deprecating humour when appearing on 2Day FM’s breakfast show today, confessing to feeling “awkward” about her appearance, and going on to admit she’s probably a dud root.
Speaking on breakfast radio this morning, Monk said she didn’t consider herself to be sexy before revealing what she thought of herself in the bedroom.
“I’m not a very sexy person, I’m very awkward,” the former Popstars babe told the Kyle and Jackie O breakfast show on 2DayFm.
More » 
“Mrs Porteous, You Can Hear Me And You Are Pretending You Cannot…”
4:18PM Jess McGuire | Further to our reference earlier to Rose Porteous and her laughably daft appearance on A Current Affair where, after deciding she didn’t like what host Mike Munro was accusing her of, she feigned “technical issues” which stopped her from hearing his “probing” questions, here is a clip of it.
I think they played this on Thank God You’re Here the other week, but it’s nice to watch it in your own time and soak up the brilliance of her “temporary hearing difficulties” ploy.
MORE: A Musical Based On The Life Of Rose Porteous? Brilliant! More » A Musical Based On The Life Of Rose Porteous? Brilliant!
3:29PM Jess McGuire | The other day, I had to explain to my Brazilian housemate who the hell Rose Porteous was after a clip of her disastrous interview with Mike Munro on A Current Affair was played on the telly. I wish I’d known then that a musical based on her life was in the works – I’d have saved my breath and just shouted him a ticket. This sounds AMAZING.
A 16-block mansion as a setting and one of Australia’s most intriguing couples – Rose Porteous and late mining magnate Lang Hancock as the main players a new musical, Prix D’Amour sounds like it’s set to be a hoot.
Better than Beaconsfield: A Musical In A-Flat Minor? Possibly! More » Can You Think Of Any New Public Holidays Worth Celebrating?
2:44PM Jess McGuire | Western Australian radio fellow Tom Percy has just written a piece for The Sunday Times (and when I say “just”, I obviously mean “he wrote it on Sunday”) about long weekends, declaring a national rethink may be in order in regards to our public holidays.
Now that the Queen’s Birthday weekend (aka the Grand Final weekend) is well behind us and we are long-weekend-free until Christmas, it might be time to contemplate whether we need to reassess our whole concept of the long weekend, or public holidays generally.
Eeegads! Is Tom suggesting we scrap those deliciously lazy long weekends in favour of work? Sweet merciful heavens above, he is not… More » INSPIRATIONAL! Eddie McGuire Earns A Fortune Doing Absolutely Nothing
1:06PM Jess McGuire | Screw Anthony Robbins and his motivational talks on how to be a success. I’ve found myself a new hero, and it’s the man I like to refer to as Uncle Ed, Channel 9’s Eddie McGuire. Why? Oh, just because the dude is savvy enough to ensure he gets paid ridiculously massive amounts for doing bugger all.
Eddie McGuire is my God now.
(Channel Nine’s) most expensive star – McGuire – has spent just 2½ hours on national TV this year, filling in for Tracy Grimshaw as host of A Current Affair.
More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
12:26PM Jess McGuire | Reader Kristy sent this clip in, exclaiming excitedly “It’s our favourite midget at it again! I know he(?)’s my favourite and I suspect he’s yours too – La Pequana strikes again!”
Please welcome back to YouTube Clip Of The Day…. LA PEQUANA!
Incidentally, Grant Denyer is my favourite showbiz midget, followed by Andrew G… But La Pequana can definitely slide into third place. More » 
Brian McFadden’s In A Bad Way (Or So The Gossip Headlines Would Have You Believe)
11:32AM Jess McGuire | I immediately grabbed a box of tissues and prepared myself for a heartwrenching sob story when I read the following opening lines of a Herald Sun article about Brian McFadden.
While his songbird fiancee, Delta Goodrem, is off trying her luck in the US and with no wedding in sight, Brian McFadden has been hitting the bottle with painful results.
Oh my god! Delta’s left Brian and he’s developed a drinking problem?! Say it isn’t so!
“IT ISN’T SO.”
Fair play. Then what on earth is going on with Brian McFadden? More » There’s A Gag In This, But I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On It
10:23AM Jess McGuire | Am I alone in reading the following paragraph and feeling this close to a joke but tragically unable to word it properly?
Former rock singer turned global hunger campaigner Sir Bob Geldof will speak at a dinner in Auckland next month.
I know there’s a gag in there, I can taste it. I am obviously in need of coffee. Feel free to give it a bash yourself, if you like.
MORE: Geldof to speak at Auckland dinner More » 