Thursday, October 2, 2008
Neighbours, Did You Just Go There?
6:46PM Jess McGuire | I do hope the sensitive Ernie Dingo isn’t watching Neighbours right now, because if he is – he’ll be feeling mighty rankled. Why? Because – and please, please correct me if I’m wrong because I am still shaking my head a little – there was a rather Sandilands-esque gag used on screen.
Didge*, some troubled chick who is blonde, and Rachel were just performing as cheerleaders (also: is this standard for Aussie Rules games in the suburbs?) at a local footy match between the Erinsborough Dingoes and Another Team.
Their cheer actually included the line “A dingo’s got your baby!”
NEIGHBOURS WTF?
*To the person who sent me a picture of “Didge” being double-ended – it’s not her. But thanks for the porn! More » 
Australian Woman Plans On Smoking Kurt Cobain’s Ashes… But Is It Art?
4:35PM Jess McGuire | Wonderful news, proud patriotic Australians! Yet another expat is kicking some important goals overseas. In this case, it’s artist Natascha Stellmach, who is apparently planning on smoking the ashes of Kurt Cobain in a joint to cap off a successful exhibition.
I know, I know – it sounds a little weird. But it’s art! It’s cool if art’s weird! If you don’t understand it, or if you think it’s gone too far, then you’re just a square, maaaaaaan.
An Australian artist wants to smoke the stolen ashes of Kurt Cobain as part of an exhibition she claims will set the late Nirvana singer “free”.
Your plan intrigues me, Natascha. Please, continue… More » 
Russell Crowe Not Entirely Pleased With His Current Hairstyle
3:34PM Jess McGuire | Go, Russ, go! South Sydney Rabbitoh’s number one ticket holder Russell Crowe has revealed he’s finding his current hairstyle rather unpleasant. And bless him, he’s found a true blue way to express what’s wrong with it.
(Russell Crowe), who is set to play both the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood in new movie Nottingham, has had to grow his locks for the roles, but isn’t enjoying his wavy mane.
He said: “I hate having long hair – it’s like walking around with a dead koala on your back.”
Beautiful stuff. If he just used imagery like that in the poems he insists on reading aloud at ceremonies like the BAFTAS, perhaps people would be more into it?
Russ has also piped up about the practical jokes he used to inflict on a young Leonardo DiCaprio when the pair were co-stars on The Quick And The Dead. More » 
‘Lay Lady Lay’ By Magnet (Featuring Gemma Hayes)
2:33PM Jess McGuire | I don’t really know why I’m posting this… It’s not a new song – this Bob Dylan cover was released back in 2004 by Norwegian musician Magnet (real name Even Johansen) and features the vocals of lovely Irish singer Gemma Hayes. It also appeared on an episode of The O.C. But for some reason, I’ve just gone completely mad for it over the past couple of days and when I played it last night on my radio show, I got a couple of calls about it so I figured hey, you lot are like friends. Let me offer this to you as a gift and if you’re not already aware of its existence, I hope it pleases you and ends up becoming a part of your music collection.
More » An Open Letter To Channel Ten
1:15PM Jess McGuire | Dear Channel Ten,
I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.
Why oh why have you just taken away my only reason for living (on Monday nights)? Is there some sort of SICK BASTARD who works for you who spies through my window at night and makes notes on my viewing habits, using the knowledge gained from their peeping tom activities to continue broadcasting programs if I think they’re absolute rubbish, but scrap incredibly and enjoyably shit television shows which make my superficial heart sing with glee?
The reincarnation of TV’s most famous zip code for teenagers, 90210, has been pulled from the screen by Channel 10 after just four weeks.
There are no words… other than profanities.
Oh, you claim to have good reason for removing 90210 from your schedule, but they don’t cut the mustard with me… More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
11:25AM Jess McGuire | ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The Janeane Garofalo obsession continues.
Here’s a clip of her on FOXNews from 2003.
You guys need to send me something funny (usual address – jess AT defamer.com.au) so I can take a break from all Janeane Garofalo-related YouTube clips. Please. I love her, but I need a time out from this INTENSE ADORATION of her that’s consuming my days.
More » Kelly Osbourne, Responsible Human Being
10:53AM Jess McGuire | Much raising of the roof for Kelly Osbourne who has rather awesomely stepped up and declared proudly she regularly gets checked for STDs. Because she’s not an idiot! At least, sexually!
Kelly Osbourne gets tested for sexually transmitted infections every three months, she has revealed. The 23-year-old star – who is an ambassador for World Contraception Day – believes it is important to have regular check ups to ensure she stays healthy.
Kelly continues with a couple of nice soundbites. More » Paris Hilton’s New Album Has A “Kylie Influence”
10:32AM Jess McGuire | Firstly, let us all mourn the fact Paris Hilton is still creating music. Unless you’re one of those people who loved her chartbuster Stars Are Blind purely for its pop charm and not for the comedy factor, in which case you’ll just be stoked to hear she’s been in another recording studio.
Now that we’ve all soaked up that piece of news, let’s move forward. She’s apparently been influenced by our very own Kylie!
Paris Hilton’s new pop record has been inspired by Aussie beauty Kylie Minogue. The stunning socialite said that she’s a big fan of ‘ can’t get you out of my head ‘ hitmaker and wanted her second album to be a tribute to her musical heroine.
Worrying.
Paris goes on to reveal what else we can expect from her new record. More » 
Letter From The Editor
9:32AM Jess McGuire | Beloved readers,
I have some news for you. Prepare yourselves, sit down (as if you’re on a computer while standing up, although maybe you are one of those weird people with internet connections in your fridge door or whatever), and maybe prepare a hanky.
Our dear Associate Editor Clem Bastow is leaving us.
OMG WAT!!!!!1!! NOEEEEEEEEEES!!!1!
I know, I know.
JOSS MACGIRUE AN CLAM BESTOF IN HAPPIER TIMES
Clem has been a fantastic member of the Allure Media family since mid last year, delivering the blog goods daily in her own inimitable style. Always good for a quick James Blunt related Photoshop gag, a devotee of Australia’s Next Top Model (and pretty much our Couture Correspondent), and a woman charmingly obsessed with James Spargo from this year’s Australian Idol, she is – truthfully – irreplacable. So we won’t even bother trying.
Clem’s off to continue her freelance career in The Proper Media TM, as well as continue working as editor of the Australia feminist blog The Dawn Chorus, delivering the goods on RRR, and caning it in the kitchen as she continues “soon-to-be-world-dominating cottage industry jam experiment”. Oh, she’s also appearing in this year’s Melbourne Fringe Festival (her show is nearly sold out, but try to get along to it if you can!), and god! Probably a million other things as she’s an extremely busy woman!
Now before you start listening to emo tunes and gently scratching at your wrists with a blunt LadyBic, she may still pop on here now and then with the odd Idol-related thoughts, or if I end up in drug and alcohol rehab and am unable to blog for a week, but we’re going to have to say goodbye to her day to day genius.
Best of luck to you, dear, and on behalf of everyone at Allure Media, I hope it all falls on its arse so you end up back here. JUST KIDDING. You’ll be a wonder, as ever.
Feel free to mourn her passing in the comments, Clam Bestof obsessives.
I’ll be writing more to try and make up for her virtual passing, but it just won’t be the same AND THERE’S NO NEED TO HAMMER THAT FACT HOME, I’M NO CLEM AND I NEVER WILL BE.
Pass me my LadyBic, I’ll be in the bath – Britney Spears’ Everytime style.
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