Tinkerbell, If He Catches You You’re Through

We were awoken in the middle of the night from our slumber-drawers here at Defamer HQ by a frantic security guard—an avid dog lover who won’t shut up about Beverly Hills Chihuahua—simply beside himself over reports that two of Paris Hilton’s 17 dogs were devoured by coyotes.

Our first thought was that the predators were led to the innocent critters by one of Hilton’s many befeathered nemeses, perhaps even holding a giant arrow reading, “ACME Coyote Food: This Way.” Imagine our inconsolable employee’s relief, then, when this statement was issued to People by a spokesperson for the Paris Hilton Yappy Lapdog Preservation and Heritage Fund: “They were at Paris’ house Wednesday in her recording studio, and all the dogs were playing and looked as healthy and happy as can be. Paris even had a doggie mansion built for them and it is very secured.” All of Paris’s little crappers are present and accounted for. Carry on!

• Paris Hilton’s Dogs Alive, Well and Very Pampered [People]
• Paris Hilton Denies Dogs Eaten by Coyote [foxnews.com]