ROS REINES, ARE YOU OUT THERE?

Oh Holy Gossip Maven and Revealer Of Sydney Society Secrets, was that really you defending yourself on that daft Ricki-Lee post from earlier this afternoon?

Oh c’mon guys, give me a break – where’s your sense of humour? MIA?

You have no need to defend yourself around these parts – you’re Ros Reines! Like Denny Crane, but with a Double Bay twist! I’ve been reading you since I was knee high to a grasshopper and desperate to know exactly what hors d’oeuvres were served on Derby Day/who John Singleton was squiring about town. You’re like a god to me. You, Lillian ‘And he said “Lil, darling…”‘ Frank, and Angela Bishop. An ANZAC veteran of gossip! Don’t let our piss-taking ways get to you. We’re just brash and young and without the contacts you have (Facebook? I gotsta get me some of that!)

In answer to your questions:

a) Our sense of humour is on a Contiki tour of Europe. Haven’t heard from it in the last couple of weeks, but our last correspondence revealed it had picked up a Polish dude named Bazyli, and also something which, judging by the symptoms listed, sounded suspiciously like gonorrhea.

b) I like MIA. I heard she retired, but the popularity of ‘Paper Planes’ after it was used in the movie Pineapple Express might be enough to lure her back into the music world.

Finally, I note you have a website with amazing blind items. I HAVE ADDED IT TO MY FAVOURITES, NOW ADD ME TO YOUR HEART.

Yours in total earnestness,

The Editor