Lynne Spears Regrets Having Let Britney Get Wasted And Laid In Her Early Teens
Posted by Seth at 2:40 AM on September 5, 2008
Anticipation is building steadily for the release of Lynne Spears's Through The Storm: A Real Tale Of Fame And Family In A Tabloid World, a sort of My Life by Bill Clinton for the absentee parenting set. As luck would have it, the National Enquirer has secured an advanced copy of the three-time grandmother and world class permissivist's memoir, in which she weighs in with astonishing honesty about her powerlessness over her teenage daughter's extra-curricular activities:
Britney Spears' mother is set to lift the lid on the troubled singer's life - with revelations that she was drinking at 13 and lost her virginity the following year.
A source has told how Britney was dating the football star while at school, and how her mother encouraged the relationship because she thought it would make her more popular.The budding singer spent a lot of time at her boyfriend's house and eventually lost her virginity there. Her mother later admitted she regretted allowing her to date an older boy but still allowed her to share her bedroom with new boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. Mrs Spears was said to be sure the teenagers were having sex. [...]
The book also reveals that she knew Britney, then 15, was experimenting with drugs when she went to Los Angeles to record her breakthrough album 'Baby One More Time'. She thought she was going through the typical teenage problems, but they seemed to be more than that, when the singer was allegedly caught boarding a private plane aged 16, cocaine and marijuana was found in her bag. [...]
In the book, Mrs Spears expresses how much she regrets handing over control of Britney's career to managers and allowing her daughter to be promoted to as a sex object in raunchy videos at such a young age. Apparently, Britney's mother was told that if the singer was going to compete with sexier and older stars like Mariah Carey 'she needed to be marketed more like a 'Lolita'.
There was a time, we suppose, when Britney's early exploits—holed up inside a New Mickey Mouse Club tour bus, chugging Bartles & James and blowing lines off a Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch Trapper Keeper—would have still possessed the power to shock. That, of course, was a whole generation ago, and Britney herself could and should be widely commended with having ushered in the new new face of America: A Lolita Nation, with liberty, justice, teen sex, and tattooed commitment rings for all.

Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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RocketRockit
Posted 3:04 AM 5/9/08
This is so pageant mom -- letting their daughters do whatever to fill the gaping hole in their souls that was never filled (by beer, booze, and buds).
Trashtastic.
RocketRockit
mrsryan
Posted 2:48 AM 5/9/08
Damn. My mom wouldn't even let me read Judy Blume's "Wifey."
mrsryan
TurdBlossom
Posted 2:45 AM 5/9/08
So the whole virginal act was an act? Wow. Shock and awe! Except not.
TurdBlossom
wharfrat
Posted 3:46 AM 5/9/08
If Palin drops out, I spy an equally qualified candidate. . .
wharfrat
IleFemme
Posted 3:42 AM 5/9/08
This is from a Christian publisher? This is going to be the talk of the prayer circles and bake sales for years to come! We are witnessing a revolution in the definition of a commendable Christian mother this fall.
IleFemme
kookla
Posted 4:03 AM 5/9/08
Thank goodness my mom is writing a book, but if she were, she'd make Lynne seem like Mother of the Millenium.
kookla
EuroDad
Posted 5:10 AM 5/9/08
@kookla:
laid by 10 and smoking crack from a makeshift pipe fashioned from hollowed-out Pixy Stix?
EuroDad
SanFranBetsu
Posted 5:48 AM 5/9/08
I recall the Spear's holding up their daughter's virginity as though her hymen were some kind of national monument.
SanFranBetsu
EuroDad
Posted 6:00 AM 5/9/08
@SanFranBetsu:
i believe they had a plaque installed that said something about "give me your tired, your poor, etc..."
EuroDad
kookla
Posted 7:47 AM 5/9/08
@EuroDad: I actually meant to say my mom "isn't" writing a book and since you know my back story so accurately, I'm relieved you aren't ghostwriting for any family member of mine either!!
kookla
EuroDad
Posted 8:14 AM 5/9/08
@kookla:
hush money is a powerful thing - thanks!
EuroDad
SunnydaZe10
Posted 8:29 AM 5/9/08
I think the period where it all went to hell can be traced to the years between Johnny Carson being forced out by NBC and the MTV premiere of "Hit Me Baby One More Time".
Hollywood and America have never been the same since.
BTW, If the "New Mickey Mouse Club" bus is a rockin', don't come a knockin'!!
SunnydaZe10
Miss d
Posted 11:21 AM 5/9/08
All this about Britney, uh, how about the other one? Or is that still to painful to discuss, oh butter-doesn't-melt-in-my-mouth Mrs Spears...
I vote this as best comedy Book 0f The Year...
Miss d
Snarky1
Posted 12:06 PM 5/9/08
"I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman", my ass!
Snarky1
Werrick
Posted 4:43 AM 6/9/08
Well, clearly Mrs. Spears feels that the best way to atone for being such a piss-poor mother is to write a book so as to profit from the exploitation of her daughter.
Truly she is wise in the ways of Karma.
Werrick