If You Insist She’ll Have A White Wine Spritzer. Or Eighty.

It’s been a while since Lily Allen has come up with the goods, so to speak, in the hilarious celebrity bad behaviour stakes, so this latest update pleases me immensely (after all, she’s like Amy Winehouse but without the crushing sense of the imminent death of humanity and a bunch of cute fluffy kittens and babies): in short, Lily got shickered at the GQ Men of the Year Awards and pissed off nearly everyone in the room/entertainment industry. Even better, it was a cavalcade of bad manners as everyone’s iffy behaviour inspired everyone else, and in the end Elton John and Mani from Primal Scream had joined the party (the latter exclaiming, on the topic of Elle MacPherson, “F-cking hell, a giraffe in a dress”).

When Allen told the star-studded Royal Opera House audience “now we reach a very special point in the evening”, Sir Elton sniped: “What, you are going to have another drink?”

The 23-year-old popette, gussied up in a floor-sweeping ball gown, responded: “F*** off Elton, I’m 40 years younger than you, I have my whole life ahead of me.”

And never one to disappoint, the Rocket Man declared: “I could still snort you under the table.”

Zing! As if we needed any more reasons to love Sir Reg, he comes out with a line – HO HO – like that. Can someone get him out of Vegas and give him a chat show? Especially now that Parky’s been decommissioned.

ACTUALLY! Why doesn’t Elton go on Lily’s chat show? Oh yeah, that’s right, because it doesn’t exist anymore.