Brooke Hogan On Lesbianism and The Worrying Lack Of Puppies On The Nightly News

Hulk Hogan’s daughter Brooke has been appearing on Defamer a fair bit lately. She’s revealed her almost adorable ignorance when it comes to US politics (”Who is this Palin you speak of? Vice President of wha? THERE’S TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WHITEHOUSE!”) and, in doing so, somehow wormed her way into the strange and slightly diseased part of my heart where affection for borderline retarded Z-grade celebrities slowly festers.

So you can just imagine how happy it made me to wake up this morning and learn that Brooke has kept that mouth a-flappin’ and absolutely nothing of worth has been spewed forth. And personally, I am pretty much all about worthless soundbites.

Brooke, explain the concept of lesbianism to the world!

The “Brooke Knows Best” babe was overheard complaining about her love life — or lack thereof — last Monday night when she hosted an anniversary celebration at Bowlmor Lanes’ southern outpost, STRIKE Miami.

“What love life? I’m not gay but I might as well be,” she said, according to our source. “I’m the [woman] of the group,” she said, referring to her reality TV roommates. “We live a gay lifestyle.”

Okay. From what I can gather, Brooke lives with a man and a woman. I don’t quite understand how Brooke is specifically the woman of the group (here’s her female housemate, I think?! Not particularly manly, you’ll note…), nor can I comprehend why her having no sex suddenly makes her a lesbian. I mean, let’s be fair to the lady lovers of the world, Brooke. While Lesbian Bed Death does afflict some couples, I’d like to think that most lesbians in the world are still getting some. And then talking about their feelings for hours afterwards. I’ve seen that documentary The L Word, I know what goes on!

But this was my favourite quote from Ms Hogan.

“I never read tabloids, I never buy books or go on Perez Hilton and I never ever watch the news,” Brooke recently told Pop Tarts. “All news is bad. You never hear them say, ‘This dog gave birth to six puppies today.’ It’s always negative, like, ‘All these people got killed.’ I stay totally away from it.”

That’s what the news is missing! Puppies!

MORE: Brooke Hogan Says She Isn’t Gay but ‘Might as Well Be’ (FOXNews)