Friday, September 5, 2008
Sarah Palin’s Daughter Seems Pretty Unimpressed
4:02PM Jess McGuire | No biting political commentary here, folks – we won’t mentioned pregnant teenage daughters, ass kickin’ future son-in-laws, rumours of affairs, gun toting good times, or anything like that.
I just liked this photo.
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Goodbye, Morris Iemma!
2:06PM Jess McGuire | So Morris Iemma is no longer NSW Premier, eh? This saddens me. Not because I particularly liked him – I moved to Victoria quite soon after he took over from Bob Carr and never really had to deal with him. But his last name sounded a little bit like “Yeah, mate!” which I think is rather nice. I wish all our politicians had such positive surnames.
Morris Iemma has resigned as NSW Premier at a party meeting today.
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Meet Alwyn “Bones” Bailey, Australia’s New Hero
12:30PM Clem Bastow | Sometimes, when it comes to human interest stories, the planets align, the moon is right, God and Allah smiles upon the newspapers of the world, and you get a perfect balance of story, context, quotes and unintentional comedy – so, celestially speaking, it must be a good day today: Australia, meet Alwyn “Bones” Bailey. The “concerned dad” has been quoted after his son Morgan, nine, was attacked by a rogue wallaby in far north Queensland, and I think I speak for the entire nation when I say “GIVE THIS MAN A TELEVISION SHOW, STAT”: “It’s deadset serious. Someone should get a gun and shoot the buggers,” Mr Bailey said. “They’re not just friendly, cute little wallabies any more – they’re killers.” More »
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Sponsored By Jack Daniels
11:19AM Clem Bastow | If you’ll forgive me for that incredibly dull headline, when it comes to this particular piece of Winegums news, I am afraid (and a little ashamed, and slightly nauseated, and then a bit concerned, and possibly even confused) that the Herald Sun have beaten me to the punning punch with this one: “Amy Winehouse goes back to Jack Daniels”. Well, it would’ve been funnier had they just left it at “Back to Jack”, which is why I am dry-retching with shame and sorrow at not having been able to make the pun, BUT ANYWAY:
Amy Winehouse stunned organisers of a music festival she is due to headline, but ordering a whopping 48 bottles of Jack Daniels, according to a report.
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Are You Ready To Hear The Greatest Party For Your Ears?
10:30AM Clem Bastow | A week or so ago, something started rumbling in the Dashboards of bloggers using the Tumblr platform. Podcast and online ephemera Tumbelog Internet Enthusiast Daily posted an MP3 that will surely, when iMacs and old laptops are dug out of the rubble of the 21st century, come to be seen as the defining zenith of modern popular music; a piece of music so moving, so incredible, it surpasses everything we thought we knew about music itself – hell, about life. It was titled “David Lee Roth – Running With The Devil – vocal track – screaming only version“. Of the piece, they mysteriously said:
Kia posted the original, but we felt that taking out all the gaps and actual “singing” was a moral imperative.
It is pretty much the greatest thing you will hear in your lifetime. Prepare to update your ringtones and personal anthems, it’s Diamond Dave time over the jump. More » 
Border Security: Delta Goodrem Edition
9:53AM Clem Bastow | While I would dearly love to report that Delta Goodrem was busted bringing a load of weed into the States in her Bratz boogie-board bag, or that she tried to set up an international marmoset-smuggling ring, or that Brian McFadden is actually her employee and he brings condoms full of crack into the country for his drug baroness fianceé, unfortunately this story is not quite that exciting and we will have to wait until another day to see Our Delts embroiled in a My Drug Hell™-esque debacle – for now you will have to make do with this tale of Delta being held up at customs as she chases that great US music industry dollar sign in the sky.
Australians arriving in LA on the Qantas flight from Sydney early on Wednesday morning told Confidential Goodrem’s rocker “costume” of blonde bouffant hairdo, a sequinned beret and black-rimmed “nerd” glasses drew the eye and ire of a female customs officer, who grilled the singer
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Australian Idol Round-Up: Damien Leith Makes The Baby Idols Cry
9:15AM Clem Bastow | You might think that after Australian Idol pitched Damien “Scary Falsetto” Leith into the world of rapturous RSL audiences, morning television appearances and hilariously earnest mega-selling covers records (an inspiration, no doubt, to warbling AFL stud Russell Robertson), he would have nothing but positive spin to feed this year’s bunch of wide-eyed hopefuls. How refreshing then (well, relatively speaking) to see the snaggle-toothed Oirishman telling it like it is to the Class of Spargo (and the rest of them):
“It’s been two of the most gruelling years of my life,” he said.
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Throw Out Your Hands! Stick Out Your Tush!
8:58AM Seth | Say what you want about this act from last night’s America’s Got Talent—we’re just thrilled to see the Gay Man’s Chorus of Los Angeles keeping themselves busy in the chorus off-season. [AGT] So those two “two sharp young writers” Dan Aykroyd mentioned are hard at work on Ghostbusters 3 are The Office co-EPs Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky. Pam + Slimer 4ever! [Variety] Sarah Palin attended five colleges in six years before graduating from the University of Idaho in 1987. Also, she burned down a library after she found out the Moosewood Cookbook was vegetarian commie propaganda. [AP, Boston Herald] Howie Mandel earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today, which came with a smaller matching star in an aluminium briefcase. Because he’s made his biggest impact on a popular game show featuring people screaming at briefcases, you see. Oh… never mind. [Getty Images] Attention all drug addicts currently loitering near or around Kirsten Dunst’s hotel room: your days of villainy are numbered! [Yahoo] And the same goes for you, female strippers in Australia accused of sexually penetrating the bachelor! [news.com.au] More »
‘America’s Next Top Model’ Boldly Going Wherever A Set Budget Of $149 Will Take Them
8:45AM Seth | Last night’s premiere of the latest cycle of America’s Next Top Model unveiled this season’s epic theme—”As sci fi as we can possibly make this using things found at a dollar store”—to much squealy delight from the carefully selected pool of regular- and plus-sized replicants. While the audience seems to be dwindling for such catwalk-crawling minstrel shows (the ratings hit an all-time low), the series is to be commended for never failing to adapt and innovate. Take, for example, the introduction of exciting Glamonator 11.0 technology: A more sophisticated descendant of the Sleeper Orgasmatron, it’s capable of producing an amazingly convincing hologram of a completely-over-it reality hostess who wishes she could fold up shop on this ghetto-arse exercise in model-search futility to spend more time on her Emmy-winning talk show. Smile with your circuits, ladies! More »
