@kc2002: I was at that finale and at the rehearsal. Holy fuck, are they really terrible at performing onstage.

tunamelt

Like Ms. Cyrus and Britney before her, this is pure manufactured crap. Purity rings? I'm thinking that cock rings are more likely.

Raxl

@Pop Socket: Rumor has it that Nick is the one.

thatblackgirl

I don't understand why Joe straightens his hair. Embrace the curls!!!!!

tete_du_fromage

Oh honeys, I AM old enough to remember Beatlemania, and trust, this ain't even close.

ElviraGooch

So which one has The Geigh?

Pop Socket

Can't we give them nicknames, like the Spice Girls? It just seems unfair that "Vanilla Ice" and "Kid Rock" get all the glamour.

BoHan

Umm I can understand parents taking an interest (of sorts) in their kids sex lives (as in they shouldn't have one) but once they hit adult-hood ie; 18 who they fuck or not is no ones business. Purity rings? More like a marketing ploy from Disney to reassure parents of tween that their kids idols are for all intense purposes eunuchs. (Obviously they never read Anne Rice's Cry to Heaven)

TurdBlossom

This is going to sound "old-crazy" not crazy-crazy, but I noticed on the "Best of Both Worlds Tour" movie thing that I kindly took my kids to - that the Jonas Brothers all have saggy bums. Or ill-fitting jeans. Which is just...not...right.

TryThisAtHome

They give me the creeps. Don't know why, but they do.

Decebal

Hanson made me feel old. The Jonas Brothers make me feel like I should be fighting Brendan Fraser in an ancient tomb while Rachel Weisz looks on.

mrsryan

I love sHELF. I also love lamp.

-Brick

A Pimp Named DaveR

Seriously, I weep like that Hair-Gnawing Future Clinically Depressed Obese Peorian Housewife in the picture up-top.

But not for the same reasons.

mothrafairy

has no one heard of longevity before?

EuroDad

I had the sincere displeasure of seeing these kids at the American Idol finale back in May. I say see, rather than hear, because I was rendered temporarily deaf by the high-pitched screaming of the little girls in the Nokia Theater the entire time these homely kids were on stage. I'll grant you that Joe Jonas isn't that bad, but the other two? Yuck. Count me among those who don't "get it."

kc2002

@TexasCrude: NICK, I mean. Not the Bonus whatever.

TexasCrude

I know it makes me kind of a pervert but I really really am counting the days until the littlest Jonas turns 18. For now, I can only bond with him over having the Beetus and hold hands.

TexasCrude

According to the Wiki gospel:

They have their own charity - Change the Children Foundation and they give 10% of their salary to it. (Good on 'em!).

Also, not surprisingly because of their fame at a young age, they were/are homeschooled.

Kevin's first name is actually Paul.

Nick is the cutest (my, not wiki's, opinion!)

Roots500

Once Nick turns 18, the sex tape is inevitable, with one of them in a Hannah Montana blond hooker wig (wait-that's redundant). Annie Leibivitz, shutter finger ready...

taraniso

BUT HOW TALL ARE THEY, STU?!?!?!

Kyle Buchanan

Comparing these idiots in anyway to the Beatles make the song gods cry.

Keep the comparisons to Hanson and the Backstreet Boy, where they belong.

Leiakat

"old" old is very good and even "good".

kit10indublin

Please reserve comparisons to Beatlemania for people who are able to sing on key.

I've never been able to listen to more than 15 seconds of a Jonas Brothers song. Yes, it was a challenge, and yes, it was timed.

stoprobbers

Everything I need to know about the bros Jonas fits nicely between there here quotation marks "".

Oxycontinmoron

I am "old-old" and don't "care-care."

bichon

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah

Oh sorry, was just waxing nostalgic for the last time I heard of an overrated bubble-gum pop boy trio.

Old No.7

Joe is the "hot" one. That's why he was the star of that awful Camp Rock.

I'm in the marketing side of the business, but I parent-blocked the Disney channel. Can't stand how the whole Disney Channel is about shilling more Disney Channel. Disney has successfully created fake-hype by constantly showing promo/concerts in which the hired help (audience) is feverishly screaming for Jones Bros, Miley, the Cheetah Girls, etc. Kids who watch it are tricked into thinking that something special and amazing is going on that everybody knows about. They don't want to miss the party. And sooo, goodbye Disney Channel...hello checkers and and a good game of Crazy 8's. And our whole household is happier for it.

TryThisAtHome

Don't talk to me about Beatlemania until we can get into a good discussion about the Hudson Brothers, 50% of which we can blame for Kate Hudson.

Then we can talk about the Boneus Brothers and their chastity belts.

gwendolyn

I do stage hand work and I managed to work the Johnas bother's concert at IZOD. They were even filming backstage during that... but anyway... I had to be ready to start feeding cable into a road box as soon as the show ended, so i cam eout and hung out on the side of the stage during the last song..

Oh god it felt like my ears were bleeding. The pre-teens and all their high pitched screaming. Then after the show there were girls hanging out nead the stage asking "omg can we have some of the confetti! so you have a pick/drum stick?" "Did you touch them? can we touch you?!"

effin crazy.

ammre

I was at a big dinner full of celebrities a few months ago- my husband 9a non celebrity) was getting an award. My 10 year old niece heard about it it, and had one question- could I get their autographs.

The president was at this event, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, Marcia Cross, Martha Stewart, John Cusack, This was in DC, so every political power in the city, Kissinger, Scalia, Pelosi, Condi Rice, this thing was as star studded as these things get in DC. The room was abuzz with power, it sizzled with it. This was the last event of this kind for the bush Admistration...

There was one goal for almost everyone there. One goal. Almost every name in that room had something to prove to someone back home. Get the autographs of THEM. Few new what they looked like for sure, even fewer knew why it was so important to get this get. But we all knew that there was a tween back home somewhere waiting, with full confidence in the parent, aunt, uncle or grandparent in the same room with "them."

We started scoping early- rumors flew about table numbers, security details. we worked together, but all knew only the lucky, or talented few would reach nirvana.

The secret was to keep moving, to have pen and paper ready, and to be ready to swoop for the few seconds before the security detail (rumored to be tall and tough) could thin the crowd. I found someone I knew, started a conversation, both of us looking for the prize. The crowd noise rose, something was happening...we looked around, just the President.. another letdown...i found myself face to face with Marcia Stewart, arriving to her table, I looked down, and saw the place cards being slipped into place- JONAS!!!!

Quick- what do you say to Marcia Stewart to get a conversation going? I mentioned our wafflemaker, she looked fearful, then they arrived. Curly hair, big guards- I threw myself across Martha and reached out with pen and paper- the guards were shooing away the pens approaching from the back, I had my shot. I got the signatures of the Jonas brothers. I was a good Aunt, I beat out the room. As I was hustled away, I felt the joy of the win.

Life was good, a child admired me.

Gizmosmonster

@ElviraGooch:

Word.

tweenmama

@Pop Socket: Joe.
@thatblackgirl: You just think that because what red-blooded American would willingly date Miley Cyrus?- but no, Joe.

Joe is super fine, though. Like legitimately super fine. I think it's the brows.

Nunya B

So, has the line between tween worship and pedophilia been crossed yet?

Little Mintz Sunshine

as an ex D2 crazy who had no bit of wall showing that didn't bear some part of simon le bon, i can cast no stone, except to say, simon is WAY more awesomer

starpugbug

@Old No.7:

I'd take Hanson (MMMBop era or newer, blues era) over these three anyday.

trojanjustin

Their

TillieHarper

They're music makes me hate living.

TillieHarper

HA - NU - DO!

TillieHarper

@gwendolyn: If there are four Hudson Brothers (and that's if I remember my Saturday morning TV shows as a kid) how are 50% of them responsible for Kate?!

Oxycontinmoron

Why did I read that entire post and all the comments?

bigleggedwoman

I'm just going to pretend this post never happened.

Although I get a little kick out of all the preteens who you know are trying to post outraged screeds because people are not being appropriately reverent, but can't because this isn't an open commenting forum.

major disaster

I still think Joe Jonas looks like JD from Le Tigre in that video when he has the fake moustache on. And that little mullety thing he's got going on is NOT helping matters.

hoppers13

More facts:
1) Kevin Jonas has one more year before he can legally buy alcohol and will probably be the first to add a DUI and vehicular manslaughter to his resume.
2) Joe Jonas will embrace his entrepreneurial side and come out with his own line of flat irons for guys.
3) Nick Jonas will finally plow his way through every tween queen under contract with Disney and will settle down with the lady that dresses as Snow White at the Florida theme park.

kookla

@clarknhilldale:
I heard my mama cry, I heard her pray the night Chicago died. . .

bigleggedwoman

@Oxycontinmoron: Well, the little Hudson Bros pic on the cover of K-Tel's "Out of Sight: 20 Original Stars Original Hits" el-pee shows three of them. So which one & 1/2 Huds hooked up with Goldie? (And surprisingly, the leisure-suited Hudsons are not the dorkiest act on the K-Tel rekkid: That would be Paper Lace, 4 dorks wearing pinstripe suits and holding fake machine guns. But everyone on that cover looks weak compared to the awesomeness of Gladys Knight & the Pips.)

clarknhilldale

@Little Mintz Sunshine: Somewhere between this article and the whole Myley/Vanity Fair fiasco.

TurdBlossom

@TryThisAtHome: All I know about them is that Joe Jonas wears inappropriately TIGHT white jeans. Which doesn't seem to jibe with the whole "purity ring" thing. He probably is the geigh.

snarkordie

@major disaster: Sorry this post isn't your thing, but! I saw your avatar and thought it worthwhile to note that I've been wearing my Trash Can Sinatras '04 tour T-shirt all day. Weird!

STV

@kc2002: That reminds Me of the loudest concert I have ever been to: Quiet Riot at Magic Mountain. It wasn't from the band, it happened between songs. The screaming was so loud it sounded like someone stuck an air hose (The old 100 psi kind) in each ear. Just pure white noise. Once the band started back up, it went away and you could hear again.

Passwordforgetter

@STV: Heh, just kidding around - really I'd like to pretend it's the the Jonas Brothers never happened.

Just the idea of discussing TCS (best band ever! oh, god, now I'm turning into fangirl) and the Jonas Brothers in the same post is kind of hilarious. I think you're the first person that's ever commented on the avatar in the more than two years I've had it (although I actually switched it to a Rustic Overtones cover for a while - but that seems to have gotten eaten by the Gawker hamster). I saw them in Boston on that tour. It was fucking amazing.

major disaster

Columbia had no idea what to do with the Jonas Brothers. Major major fuckup on their part, though I don't think they'd be able to create this like Disney can.

However, I can speak from experience, that unlike those Hanson dicks, the Jonas Brothers are still genuinely nice guys who are appreciative of their success.

I don't think your Beatlemania comparison was regarding the music (you can't really compare) but more the fan reaction. And yes, absolutely it is similar. Don't underestimate crazy teenage girls.

But I'd still like to fire their stylist.

dollywould

@Pop Socket: well, i'm pretty sure it's nick because in an interview (think it was on a trl appearance) he said when he "has a night off his favorite thing to do is go see a broadway play". his outfit also outed him - very sassy for a 15 year old.

LLH

Hmm, if I recall correctly, when I was the age of the Jonas Brothers' target market, I was listening to the Offspring, Radiohead and Pink Floyd. Today's youth have it tough.

GrumpyMcGillicutty

I couldn't make it through more than 15 seconds of that music video either, but I saw enough to note that it's a rip-off of "Sabotage", a video which neither the Jonas Bros. or their fans are probably familiar with.

NoWireHangers

I'd do the middle/lead singer with the flat-ironed hair and big eyebrows. But unfortch the older, geekier guitar playing brother with the bad curly hair has major gay voice so I suppose he's my only shot.

DannielynSpears

BTW, are their fans even OLD enough to get the Miami Vice reference in that video?!

cockeye

CRAP! I thought the 19 year old was kind of cute. I'm almost 28! I feel all perverty now.

Well, he's legal.

These guys vowed to be virgins until marriage, but after seeing those Miley pics, I have a feeling that it wasn't a very truthful vow.

Yeah, but anyway, I don't get the whole Jonas bros thing. Aint rockers supposed to be dirty, talented, and tattooed like Dave Grohl(yummy!)?

cockeye

I absolutely do not get the appeal of these kids. Even the middle bro isn't that cute.

The middle Hanson bro, on the other hand-totally hawt. (At least I thought so for a brief moment back in 1997.) Of course I think he wound up getting married and having a kid at, like, 18 years of age. All these teenage stars are totally doing it wrong. What's the point in being a musician if you can't get lots of ass?

Kivrin

@Kivrin: I thought the Hanson stars literally chose their wives out of the audiences at their shows. Or, rather, they chose their one-nighters out of the audiences and one of those girls was smart enough to stick a needle in the condom.

Nunya B

Columbia dropped them from the label, freeing the Jonases to rule the Disney World and beyond. Stupid move, guys.

plasticene

What is it? It's just the cute-goofball-nerds-who-make-good-by-tearing-it-up-live-and-don't-act-like-dicks phenomenon (I will be the first to agree that some of their televised appearances sort of blow....it is different).

Not everyone likes a dirty boy with an addiction. Some of us have been there and done that already. (For me it was adolescent GNR, Oasis, the Verve, and real life.) Um...kinda got bo-ring.

Oh also fun is watching how people who don't get it blow out their synapses over them.

I am not into Beatles comparison, but I was just watching video of crowd commentary at Shea Stadium and there are mild parallels....especially considering they are much younger and, well, a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BAND under a completely different set of circumstances in a completely different world.

ObtuseIntolerant

My boyfriend's 16 yr old cousin was schooling us on these Jonas people the other night at dinner. I worried when she said she wanted to marry one of them. It really made me realize how immature she is. Plus, she apparently has really bad taste in music.

Liz11685

As much as I would like to throw stones, I cannot.

They suck. But I suck more, because at the age of almost 40, I can still recite the birthdate and hometown of every member of Duran Duran.

TheUptightMidwesterner

Well, at my sex ranch in Belize, where my team is working on the eugenics of a true Master Race, I can see using genetic material from Joe Jonas for certain experiments, but only in a limited fashion. Now, if it was possible to acquire some viable spermatic fluid from Keith Richards or even Rod Stewart, then I could see a potential for real progress! Perhaps my 15 year-old niece will be able to carry on the work when she completes her post graduate work and can join me here. I grow old, I grow old...

MiniMencken

@Oxycontinmoron: That would be 'accounted' for by my piss poor memory and my inability to perform long division...

There were four Hudson Brothers?!?

gwendolyn

These poor kids are squeakier than Edward Furlong in Terminator 2...
Wait, does the fact that I referred to that movie make me "old" old?

blufairy19

Keep in mind that the Beatles created the Beatles and not some corporate megapower. From then on it was all Beatles imitations BUT the bands that emerged had some staying power like the Monkees, and originality like the Beach Boys etc. Their records are still played today 40 plus years later. The Jonas Brothers, Backside Boys (and what were those others?) will be long forgotten 'cept to themselves in 40 years.

Kdoggy

@Kdoggy: Interesting reference to the Monkees, the original synthetic band. But at least their songs were written by the likes of Neil Diamond, and their TV show was, for its time, innovative. Contrast those shows on Disney.

Oh, and not to nitpick, but US airplay of The Beach Boys preceded US airplay of the Beatles by at least 2 years. :)

Jackie_Earl_Daily

Ummmm....Hanson are really talented.

Just saying.

CapnCalamity

@Jackie_Earl_Daily: Not to mention that Mike Nesmith and Peter Tork are real musicians of talent (even if Peter can't sing to save his life).

Speaking of which, one of those furry Jonases has quite the Mike Nesmith thing going on, don't you think?

raincoaster

Boy I'm suprised no one has made the comparison of Joe Jonas to Sanjaya yet. The other ones look like Anton Yelchin's less attractive brothers. Which automatically means they are less talented.

Fully Manufactured. They are to Beatlemania what the Great Salt Lake is to the Pacific Ocean.

OneWag

I cannot look at the middle one with those eyebrows and not think of Peter Gallagher.

tebtosca

I appreciated this post. It's a satirical and appreciative, and I applaud it. I admit, I am a Jonas fan. And a really big one at that - and I live in AUSTRALIA! Yes, an entire ocean away, the Jonas Brothers fandom is alive.

I'm not even a tween. I'm 18. I grew up with all of the huge pop icons of the 90's - Britney, NSync, Backstreet Boys, etc. Yet, I was also an avid listener of Nirvana, Green Day and Australian bands like Silverchair and The Living End - I also had tapes full of Queen, Meatloaf and The Clash. So it can't be said that I haven't listened to my fair share of music.

I have been extremely impressed by the Jonas Brothers. I was drawn to their debut album back in 2006, after chancing upon their myspace, and have been sufficiently surprised by each release to date - none more so than their latest, A little bit longer.

Call them what you like - I've read a fair share of your insults on this page - but you cannot deny their immense level of fame. You are making yourselves sound old by commenting (and openly ridiculing) on the antics of Jonas fans. There have been crazy fans of pop music over decades of time, from Beatlemania right through to New Kids On the Block, Bon Jovi and Duran Duran. Insulting their fans is hipocracy, at an extreme level.

The Jonas brothers have talent - they write their music, and they themselves name their musical influences as Elvis Costello, Prince and The Rolling Stones - among others.

The older generation is finding yet another way to bash and critisice the younger generation. It disgusts me.

You can't deny it. The Jonas Brothers are massive, and their infectious pop-rock is topping charts all over the world. You "old" people are just going to have to shut your ancient, hipocritical mouths and get used to it.

spunkransom

@GrumpyMcGillicutty: As someone roughly the age of the Jonas Brothers' target audience (yes, I do know many of the screaming fangirls personally), I would like to say that I still listen to the Offspring, Radiohead and Pink Floyd.

Also, as there have been some calls for nicknames, I would like to share some favorites: Nick is mop-head (obvious), Joe is Fat Thighs (look at those tight jeans!), and Kevin is just Ugly (or Sideburns). As for "Bonus Jonas," most people I know call him Irrelevant Jonas or Ignored Jonas.

scb