Last week's debut of Defamer Answers seemed to go reasonably well, with our survey of the phenomenon that is The Jonas Brothers provoking rich discussion among fans, enemies and baffled cultural observers alike. This week's edition finds us contemplating a far less-heated subject whose profile is surging nevertheless: Courtenay Semel, an entertainment industry scion and B-list lesbian whose exploits have landed her everywhere from reality TV to the interior of Lindsay Lohan's pants over the last three years.

But her recent detention in Vegas after a drunken, assaultive visit to Caesar's Palace is what really compelled our consideration here: Who is this Hebrew hellcat, anyway? After the jump, learn everything worth knowing about Semel's climb to sort-of fame.

I. KNOW YOUR SEMELS

Courtenay, 28, is one of three daughters born to billionaire ex-Warner Bros/Yahoo! chief Terry Semel and Jane Bovingdon Semel, a former secretary to Susan George. She attended the Loomis Chaffee School in Windsor, Conn., before abandoning education for... we don't know. This is a historical gap we have yet to fill in; suggestions are welcome.

Regardless, she's clearly been doing some philosophizing over the decades, culminating in the powerful declaration of principles held forth below:

II. KNOW HER CANON

Courtenay got her start in 1991, portraying the crucial role of "Bratty Kid" in the Bruce Willis flop Hudson Hawk. Her 2000 follow-up — the never-released indie thriller Sweetie Pie — is best known for a cast also including Paris Hilton, Whitestarr vocalist Cisco Adler and the offspring of Dustin Hoffman and Kelsey Grammer.

Her "break" (and all of ours, really, if we're being honest) came when she was cast alongside childhood friend Kourtney Kardashian, George Foreman III, Fabian Basabe, Brittny Gastineau, Shanna Ferrigno and other nepotism all-stars on the 2005 E! series Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive. The show featured Courtenay and Co. skipping the boilerplate South Beach coke getaways for a bit of reality-TV ranch-handery. Sadly, due in part to reasons listed below, it was not renewed for a second season.

III. KNOW HER ACCOLADES

Courtenay's otherworldly bitchy contribution to FR:CD was roundly commended by critics who cited her distinctive look ("like an overfed mutant chipmunk") and her performance as a "brattier, PMS'ing version of Haley Joel Osmond [sic]" — outmaneuvering even Basabe as the worst human being the show had to offer. Word is her father was happy with the performance in Hudson Hawk as well, but as of press time he has not responded to Defamer's requests for official comment.

IV. KNOW HER STYLE

Spoiled lipstick-lesbian chic, at once aggressively designed and thoroughly disposable — all spangles, trash, heels and hair.

V. KNOW HER LOVE LIFE

This is where it gets complicated. Courtenay has been very publicly attached to no fewer than three young women of varying celebrity since 2007, starting somewhat retroactively last winter with Lindsay Lohan. "Everyone thinks Samantha [Ronson] is Lindsay's first lesbian love, but we were very passionate until her fear of being found out drove us apart," she was quoted as saying. "At the time she was terrified her career would be over if she revealed her sexual tendencies. But then Samantha came on to the scene and I was dropped." That triangle was fleshed out a little more this week by our cousins at Gawker, who noted that Courtenay and Ronson both visited LiLo separately during her rehab residency.

Next came Johnson and Johnson heiress Casey Johnson, who made the gossip rounds last month after a canoodling binge with Courtney. Enter Tila Tequila, who showed up maybe a week ago? A couple weeks ago? Anyway, now they've found true love, as evidenced by the scorching red-carpet chemistry below:

Surely she must also have been some poor bastard's beard somewhere along the way; as always, your tips are welcome!

VI. KNOW HER EMPIRE

You mean besides her father's 10-figure net worth, divided four ways sometime in the next 15 to 20 years? Not so much. We guess she can always lobby for a Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive — The Complete Series DVD Box Set, even though Basabe probably has a 75/25 split written into his deal. He thinks of everything.

VII. KNOW YOUR FUN FACTS

· Has been a Kardashian family BFF since the age of 2.

· Intimate public displays of affection with Tila Tequila range from kissing to spoon-feeding ice cream in VIP areas.

· Reportedly drove off from this year's VH1 Rock Honors with Casey Johnson in a $160,000 Mercedes that wasn't theirs. They returned it a few minutes later.

Did we miss something? Chime in below — we're nothing without you.

[Photo Credits: Getty Images]

Tags: casey johnson | courtenay semel | defamer answers | fabian basabe | gawker | lindsay lohan | terry semel | tila tequila | top