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The Death of 'Austin Powers' (And Six More Hobbled Franchises Worth Putting Down)
Posted by STV at 3:00 AM on August 1, 2008
After the unfortunate reception for The Love Guru, it's just too easy to write off New Line's prospective Austin Powers revival (which Mike Myers is reportedly working on for New Line with former series collaborator Mike McCullers) as yet another ill-advised folly belching the black smoke of Myers's career. In fact, taken as merely a part of the larger phenomenon we at Defamer like to call The End of Ideas, the Powers franchise is but a speck of the shit on Hollywood's collective bathroom wall — a tableau diligently studied today by the haz-mat crew at Entertainment Weekly.
We're pretty sure the inclusion of Powers in their list of 14 franchises to kill was a serendipitous fluke (it's actually pegged to The Mummy 3 and includes Indiana Jones and Friday the 13th as well), but Wednesday's revival news nevertheless reinforced the urgency of euthanizing bad ideas before they can strike again. And why stop at 14? As long as we have the ax out, we might as well finish the job with another half-dozen after the jump.
·Beverly Hills Cop: Sure, we summoned a bit of cautious optimism when we first heard about BHC 4. But word that franchise heir Brett Ratner wants a PG-13 and Eddie Murphy's continued commitment to mediocrity has us second-guessing. Kill it.
·Star Wars: Nothing short of George Lucas encased in carbonite will likely stop his molesty corruption of a galaxy far, far away. But a blog can dream. Kill it.
· Transformers: Wait — never mind! Thanks, Shia.
· Spider-Man: Heresy? Maybe. But if Sam Raimi is more preoccupied with spinoffs and Jack Ryan than Sony's multi-billion empire, just accept the sign. Kill it first, before Joel Schumacher hijacks it.
· Hostel: How much would it cost us to have the pleasure of snuffing this ourselves in a dank Eastern European abattoir? We'll get the money, like, yesterday. Kill it — slowly.
· The Lost Boys: Not a franchise so much as a misbegotten, Haim-wounding attempt at brand-milking, bound to get worse before it gets better. Kill it.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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NoWireHangers
Posted 3:30 AM 1/8/08
Hahaha. That's like saying there will never be another Police Academy movie. HAHAHAHA. Never say never in this town.
NoWireHangers
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 3:23 AM 1/8/08
Let's be honest, this isn't a town run by creative people. It's run by people who need to pay for their last divorce.
Little Mintz Sunshine
Juancho
Posted 4:23 AM 1/8/08
C'mon kids, who isn't eagerly awaiting a new Fletch by Kevin Smith, starring Zach Braff?
As for Jack Ryan, I'd much rather Paramount go to John Clark in Without Remorse, which is one excellent and brutal book.
Juancho
gwendolyn
Posted 5:08 AM 1/8/08
Although neither was on either EM's list or yours, I want to throw in my two cents on 'Look Who's Talking' and 'Baby Geniuses', so I went to check out IMDB and although the first two 'BG's were helmed by the late Bob Clark, I am horrified to see that a third helping of this shit is currently 'in production'.
And although the 'Look Who's Talking' franchise appears to have expired around the time Clinton was first inaugurated (1993 and are Exhibit A in my own personal theory that pop culture peters out at the end of each decade, only to refresh itself in the third or fourth year of the new one), I would like to know that, unlike Glenn Close in 'Fatal Attraction', 'LWT' it is really and truly dead.
Oh, and good call on 'Indiana Jones' - it needs a pillow over its drugged and sleeping face...
gwendolyn
Jack of Some Trades
Posted 5:03 AM 1/8/08
Rush Hour 4...nothing wrong with that.
And Mel Gibson could use a mensch-makeover by churning out Lethal Weapon 5.
Jack of Some Trades
TurdBlossom
Posted 5:43 AM 1/8/08
You forgot the much talked about but seldom ideas bubbling about for Jurrasic Park 4. Just Stawp it.
TurdBlossom
Pay_Me_Or_Pay_Me_No_Attention
Posted 7:07 AM 1/8/08
How about Terminator?
That shit has been going on since 1984
Aliens VS. Predator did a pretty good job of ruining both of those.
Pay_Me_Or_Pay_Me_No_Attention
IamXenu!
Posted 6:43 AM 1/8/08
The SAW series. If it's Halloween it must be time for SAW XVIVIVISIVIXIXI ! Enough already!
IamXenu!
gwendolyn
Posted 6:41 AM 1/8/08
@TurdBlossom: I do, however, relish the idea of a 'Twister II: The Revenge of Dorothy' because I laughed myself silly at a showing of the original in a $3 movie house on the East Side many years ago...
Actually one of my more memorable movie-going experiences since only me and my two friends were laughing...
gwendolyn
clarknhilldale
Posted 8:53 AM 1/8/08
@TurdBlossom: I'm all for Jurrasic Park 4 if they finally let the raptors eat the actors. The child actors.
@Jack of Some Trades: Rush Hour 4 #?#!#?#!?#!?! (speechless, feels dizzy, passes out on laptop: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
clarknhilldale
Losin_it
Posted 1:47 PM 1/8/08
Personally, I thought Hollywood showed admirable creative restraint when it didn't make Wayne's World 3. Certainly, every man, woman, and child in America was clamoring for it...but no. It wouldn't have been right, artistically.
Losin_it
raincoaster
Posted 2:38 PM 3/8/08
Okay, execute me if you want, but I LIKE the Austin Powers films, and like the idea of another. The whole POINT is that it's a takeoff of those Sixties film franchises that went on and on. And I just love the clothes. I'd kill for a royal blue double-breasted velvet blazer. Honest to god, I have the lace jabot.
raincoaster