Showering In Jail: A Kiefer Sutherland Reminiscence

So we hit the open warehouse, and let’s just say, if we had $5 million kicking around, we’d have found the ideal windowless converted foundry from which to run our punk rock mini-empire/host all-night after-Junction ragers with a few hundred of our closest neighbourhood drunks. Yes, Kiefer is leaving us, friends. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still check in with him from time to time, albeit in the altogether less intimate arena of nationally televised talk show appearances. On Late Show last night, Kiefer recalled our collective nightmare—his incarceration for a parole-violating DUI—from inside the Glendale City Jail. Explaining that his celebrity status (translation: perky little arse) earned him unwanted attention, the simple act of communal showering became a perilous manoeuvre worthy of Jack Bauer himself, requiring slippery neck-snappings and shivs-to-the-eye if he planned on getting out with his bitch-virginity intact.

• Late Show