‘People’ Finds Sales of ‘Chosen Blobs’ Cover to Be Less Than Heavenly

Until this week, it was taken as gospel that everything touched by peripatetic partners Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt would turn to gold; in fact, newsstand operators were ordered to wear sunglasses when the two released pictures of their Chosen Twins to People, so bright was the babies’ gilded glow. Sadly, it looks like the exclusive that People paid so heavily for has resulted in a newsstand baby bump that was significantly less than they’d projected. Says Cover Awards:

According to an industry source exclusively to CoverAwards, the People Magazine cover featuring Brad Pitt and Angelina’s twins allegedly sold 2.5 million copies on the newsstand.

What were they expecting to sell?

If this is the case, it would be a “huge disappointment as Time Inc. was predicting it would be well over 3 million after spending nearly $6 million,” according to the source.

Stunned at their decreased drawing power, a dejected Jolie-Pitt clan retired to their French chateau to plot their next move: a combination birth/adoption that will see Jolie sign papers to parent a Sengalese orphan as Pitt simultaneously delivers their next child using only a porkpie hat and his bare hands.

• CoverAwards’ Exclusive: People Magazine’s HUGE Disappointment with Brad & Angelina Twins’ Cover [Cover Awards]