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Desperate Fox Adds New Judge To 'Idol'; Insists She Work Topless
Posted by Seth at 5:20 AM on August 26, 2008
Newsflash! The producers of Karaoke Borg American Idol have done the unthinkable: They have decided to tinker with the magical Idol judging formula America has come to rely on. In addition to the Really Bitchy One, the Inarticulate Gang-Sign-Delivering One, and the Alternately Effusive, Incoherent, and Flat-Out-Unconscious One, we can now look forward to the Non-Jaded Songwriter Who Doesn't Spend Most of the Auditions Fantasizing About Traceless Ways To Snuff Ryan Seacrest Out of Existence One. Let's let the Fox press release explain!
"We are turning the heat up on 'Idol' this year and are thrilled to welcome [Grammy-nominated songwriter Kara DioGuardi] to the judges' table," said creator and executive producer Simon Fuller.
"She is a smart, sassy lady, and one of America's most successful songwriters. We know she will bring a new level of energy and excitement to the show."
"We had originally intended for AMERICAN IDOL to have four judges," said executive producer Cecile Frot-Coutaz. "We've seen from our international series that having a fourth judge creates a dynamic that benefits both the contestants and the viewers."
The move comes after a season of diminished performance for the once unstoppable, Taylor Hicks-anointing talent competition. (Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol! That's still a thing, right?) Whether the addition of a telegenic songwriting talent and Randy-Paula catfight deflector provides a relevancy boost to this increasingly corny-seeming franchise remains to be seen. Obviously, she'll need a catchphrase—but sorry, Younger, Prettier Paula: "You are an individual and a shining starrrr annnnnd...*sound of skull hitting glass table*" is already taken.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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Old No.7
Posted 5:31 AM 26/8/08
Or, as we like to call her, Kara "Hey, we realized that the American public can't come up with a set of lyrics that isn't coated in trite gooey cheese, so how about you pick up that pen and get to scribblin' us a freebie there, bitch" DioGuardi.
Old No.7
Mymoustache
Posted 7:14 AM 26/8/08
5 more and we can have them decide constitutional issues as well!
Mymoustache
Kevin O
Posted 8:16 AM 26/8/08
This would be the smash glass in cse of Paula overdose judge.
Kevin O
Greasy Thumb Guzik
Posted 8:45 AM 26/8/08
@Mymoustache:
What happens if there's a tie vote or is Simon's vote more equal than the others?
Greasy Thumb Guzik
Decebal
Posted 8:56 AM 26/8/08
Who is she? Man, I can see Seacrest ump the bitchiness as Simon starts giving her the eye.
Decebal
CapnCalamity
Posted 9:49 AM 26/8/08
She's actually pretty awesome...and it will be shocking to hear someone with actual RELEVANCE to CONTEMPORARY MUSIC critiquing these kids.
CapnCalamity
kylo4
Posted 1:20 PM 26/8/08
@Greasy Thumb Guzik: I'm pretty sure in the Canadian one (which I don't watch) that has four judges, if it's a tie the person makes it through. Thing is, this songwriter has songs for Ashlee Simpson. Although perfect for this show, it'll crap up the music industry even more.
Bye bye Paula!
kylo4
kahri
Posted 12:48 AM 27/8/08
unless she can spew smart ass, sarcastic, dream crushing criticisms during the 'audition' shows, we don't want her.
kahri
Miss d
Posted 5:07 PM 30/8/08
Hmm - while they're at it - rename it American Titanic - Kara makes a fine iceberg...
Miss d