As we wind down this half-day of posting before your Labour Day weekend—summer, she's nearly gone!—we thought we'd pack a little picnic basket for your beach retreats. Can you guess what the main course is? Of course you can! A delicious Dirt Sandwich, lovingly prepared by Defamer video lunchlady Molly McAleer ("One Jell-O per student, buster!"), and full of all the things you love: Mystery plastic surgery mummies! Celebrity sex clubs! American Idol judges in airborne vehicles frequently associated with fiery, accidental deaths! Just promise us you won't go in the water until a good half-hour after consuming. [Watch Video]

Tags: clips | dirt sandwich | gawker | jezebel