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Blind Item: Which Assistant-Dating Dance Show 'Staffer' Wants You to Watch His/Her Peacock?
Posted by STV at 4:45 AM on August 7, 2008
An eagle-eyed, Craigslist-scavenging informant today points us to a compelling career opportunity for the ambitious dreamer in you: A "high-ranking staffer on a hit dance reality show" is in dire need of a new assistant after the last one apparently agreed to assist him (or her, we suppose) full-time in bed:
"After several great years together my last assistant and I have decided to date, thus making a professional relationship a conflict of interest. Be aware that this could be a temporary position if things do not work out between the two of us. All the standard prerequisites apply, positive attitude, promptness, attention to detail, good hygiene and strong fashion sense a MUST."
More gratifying household chores responsibilities — and your guesses as to the aid-boffing boss's identity — follow after the jump.
Of course you'll be expected to perform all the usual call-rolling, filing and calendar coordination duties, but the ideal candidate will have additional tolerance for an even wider range of soul-coarsening degradation:
Other duties that may be asked of you from time to time are:
Personal shopping (i.e. belts)
Cooking- experience with liquidarian preparation preferred but not required
Pet management (I live in a ranch style home in the Hollywood hills so hope you like horses, dogs, and a prize winning show peacock) may be asked of you from time to time but not part of your regular duties
So! We have a belt-wearing liquidarian with a handsome peacock (unless that slyly refers to either an NBC dance show we don't yet know about or... well, never mind). That should be easy enough to suss, right? Help us help you.
- Assistant Needed for High Ranking Staffer on Hit Dance Reality Show [Craigslist via WYBM]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
joe_gillis
Posted 5:38 AM 7/8/08
It might help narro it down if we knew whether"liquidarian preparation" is a euphemism for "must make frequent trips to the liquor store."
joe_gillis
mr.Man
Posted 5:36 AM 7/8/08
...assuming Jeff Lewis flipped dance floors and not houses. FUCK - there goes the joke.
mr.Man
Losin_it
Posted 5:36 AM 7/8/08
It's always been a fantasy of mine to be able to collect unemployment benefits when I get dumped by a girlfriend.
Losin_it
mr.Man
Posted 5:35 AM 7/8/08
God this is transparent...Jenni just got dumped by her husband and now she and Jeff Lewis are (finally) together. You could cut that sexual tension with a chainsaw in Season One.
mr.Man
Passwordforgetter
Posted 5:27 AM 7/8/08
I call bullshit on the whole fucking thing. I'll bet I could make one up and get it on here....
Passwordforgetter
Mr-Busy
Posted 5:23 AM 7/8/08
Paul Abdul - all those little doggies - but does she keep horses? (Simon doesn't count.)
* If this were for a Dance Show contestant and not a "staffer" perhaps a "Guttenberg" might be involved.
Mr-Busy
RocketRockit
Posted 5:21 AM 7/8/08
@brilliantmistake: Jinx.
RocketRockit
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 5:18 AM 7/8/08
Additional duties: Listening to former assistant bitch about you within earshot. Comforting said former assistant during crying jags about what an asshole I am. Cleaning up after our fights and/or make-up sex. Must be willing to die inside every day while smiling.
Little Mintz Sunshine
brilliantmistake
Posted 5:16 AM 7/8/08
Gack.
brilliantmistake
brilliantmistake
Posted 5:15 AM 7/8/08
"this could be a temporary position if things do not work out between the two of us'
So he (or a belt-loving she) is assuming that if things don't work out, the former-assistant-current-lover will just go back to their old blenderizing, peacock-tending job? Awkward.
brilliantmistake
RocketRockit
Posted 5:04 AM 7/8/08
"Be aware that this could be a temporary position if things do not work out between the two of us." Because there's nothing better for a work environment than getting replaced, getting dumped, getting rehired, and having to belt shop for your ex.
RocketRockit
RocketRockit
Posted 5:51 AM 7/8/08
@joe_gillis: "Liquidarian- a person who consumes only liquids and juices." Hmm. Gross.
RocketRockit
WGARefugee
Posted 5:49 AM 7/8/08
Can you fit a peacock in a vita mix juicer? Because that's what I call pet management.
WGARefugee
Mark Graham
Posted 7:02 AM 7/8/08
Whoever the nameless "dance show staffer" is, they should put in a call to Heidi Fleiss. Clearly, she needs no training when it comes to bird relations.
Mark Graham
Losin_it
Posted 7:49 AM 7/8/08
@RocketRockit: I think I was a liquidarian, if the definition also includes Colt .45.
Losin_it
cupcakes
Posted 10:06 AM 7/8/08
@Losin_it: Gin and juice fit right in! Plus, it sounds like a religion I could finally get behind.
cupcakes
RocketRockit
Posted 3:32 AM 8/8/08
@Losin_it: I'm a liquidarian Friday night through Sunday around 11PM.
RocketRockit