‘Big Brother’ Contestant April Loses The Game But Gains A Varsity Ring

We love nothing more than a fairy tale ending, and we got one on last night’s Big Brother, when—amidst the tragedy of contestant April’s ejection from their 24-hour surveillance Eden— surviving housemate and oral-sex-partner Ollie proposed..um…popping his relationship cherry? Prodded by host Julie Chen, who had already been given a fat dossier on the pair’s budding romance which included a number of X-ray stills from their quilt-covered shenanigans, Ollie extolled the many virtues of the Arizona auto-financing manager, then announced, “I got a question for you: Will you be my first girlfriend? I want an answer from you the second I get out of this house.” CBS would be fools not to capitalise on the event, mounting a lavish Ollie and April’s Going Steady Ceremony primetime special upon which no expense would be spared.

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