· Defamer Decides 2008 followed the DNC travails of Anne Hathaway, Charlize Theron, Steven Spielberg, and poker-playing Ben Affleck.
· Jon Cryer, though? Not so much. He'll get back to us about that.
· Viggo Mortensen and Kate Winslet were the prom king and queen of early Oscar hype.
· Our 90210 anticipation runneth over. And over.
· Kirsten and Justin paid a visit to Sunset Junction.
· Just so it's clear, Tom Cruise is not on the hook for Valkyrie's injured Nazi extras.
· Fitness goddess Jane Fonda saved us from the leotarded specter of Heidi Montag.
· To which the bank-bound, White House-minded Heidi naturally replied, "Who's Jane Fonda?"
· Steve Coogan and Rainn Wilson dared to voyage to the bottom of the summer box-office.
· American Idol added a fourth judge to break those occasional ties that occur when Paula falls asleep.
· Nikki Finke said MGM's for sale. Sharon Waxman denied it. It's on!
· Righteous Kill was a minimum of five poster tweaks away from us even thinking about watching it.
· Webphobe Aaron Sorkin momentously joined Facebook.
· Smackenzie Phillips and Andy Dick found dignity behind bars.
· And finally, Don Draper's feed followers have almost doubled in the four days since Mad Men TwitterGate. We're just saying.

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· Nothing makes Olympic champion gymnast Shawn Johnson's taco pop like the zingy taste of Ortega salsa. Beat that, bro! [YouTube]
· We'd like to introduce you now to Pixie Leah and Darth Wicket, who are both on the losing end of an intergalactic battle to retain their dignity. [YouTube]
· We're concerned. Not only does Sarah Palin have limited governing experience, but she used to have come dribbles running down the side of her mouth! Just a heartbeat from the presidency, folks. [Perez Hilton]
· The Peach Pit lives! [Eater LA]
· And finally, some bittersweet news. Vulture editor Dan Kois is heading off into the sunset, and we'll no longer have regular and easy access to awesomeness like this. Farewell, Dan! You'll be missed. [Vulture]

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Maybe Barack Obama is a celebrity after all: According to the AP, more than 38 million viewers tuned in to watch the Democratic nominee's DNC speech last night. Even excepting the uncounted audience who tuned in via C-SPAN, PBS, or online, "Nielsen Media Research said more people watched Obama speak than watched the Olympics opening ceremony in Beijing, the final American Idol or the Academy Awards this year." If next week's Republican National Convention has got its work cut out for it, John McCain might want to start with a VP pick who's got more ratings power than the lead from 30 Rock. [AP]

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As we wind down this half-day of posting before your Labour Day weekend—summer, she's nearly gone!—we thought we'd pack a little picnic basket for your beach retreats. Can you guess what the main course is? Of course you can! A delicious Dirt Sandwich, lovingly prepared by Defamer video lunchlady Molly McAleer ("One Jell-O per student, buster!"), and full of all the things you love: Mystery plastic surgery mummies! Celebrity sex clubs! American Idol judges in airborne vehicles frequently associated with fiery, accidental deaths! Just promise us you won't go in the water until a good half-hour after consuming. [Watch Video]

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Small in Japan: It was bound to happen eventually: We've finally found the one country in the world where The Dark Knight is underperforming. Japanese moviegoers have reportedly bowed out of the global phenomenon, with TDK hovering around the equivalent of $8.7 million in its second week of release. In comparison, observers point to the film's $14 million take during the same frame in Korea, as well as Batman Begins' own $14 million Japanese opening three years ago. Why the plunge? Competition from Hayao Miyazaki's blockbuster Ponyo on the Cliff — currently sitting at $93 million after only a month in theatres — hasn't helped. Nor has its unrelenting heaviness, says one critic: "Japanese movie fans expect such films to be fun and action-packed, for the hero to be attractive, for the villain to be loud and outrageous, and for the movie itself to be easy to understand and light." At least that should brighten post-Hulk spirits at Marvel: Iron Man opens in Japan on Sept. 20. [Film Junk via /film]

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· 2008's summer box office has exceeded all expectations. Go get drunk! It's on Hollywood! [THR]
· Fox has pushed up the release of Australia two weeks to November 26 to give Baz Luhrmann the time required to finish the film. What say you, Nicole Kidman in a jaunty hat and polka dot kerchief? She approves! [Variety]
· After the Burn After Reading boys packed up and sailed off, this year's smaller-scale Venice Film Festival feels kind of...meh? [Variety]
· A Nielsen study reveals TV audiences are growing older, with the "55-plus age bracket" by far the fastest-expanding demo. You know what that means: A Big Brother: All Old Farts Edition is on its way! [Variety]
· A John Lennon early-life biopic called Nowhere Man, directed by visual artist Sam Taylor-Wood and written by the same screenwriter as Control, is currently casting and in pre-production. [THR]

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Shocking news today as John McCain refuted his choice of Heidi Montag as vice president, instead settling on heavily lip-glossed Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. As Jeff Wells notes, Palin has a certain resemblance to Tina Fey as Liz Lemon: the horn-rimmed glasses, the messy up-do, the required fealty to an older, conservative man in charge. But where does each stand on the issues? We combed through their records (and Hulu) to find out — the results, after the jump:

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Our scepticism regarding the five-month turnaround on W. was founded as much in Lionsgate's potential to move the marketing as it was in Oliver Stone's curious capacity to work that fast. And while we're not necessarily wrong yet, this new, pre-GOP Convention clip making the rounds hints that the whole thing may come together yet — as a date movie! Who knew? Follow the jump for a glimpse at the introduction of librarian Laura Welch to future husband and president George Bush Jr. ("Call me anything but 'Junior'") — two drawling souls joined forever in what's since been recognised the Backyard BBQ Come-On Heard 'Round the World. Awww! [YouTube via Spout]

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After helping to define Hell itself over six seasons of Silver Spoons, fledgling director Ricky Schroder is taking his first-hand experience to the Sci-Fi Channel for the action epic Hellhounds — a 500 B.C. throwback about a Greek warrior who battles "the hellhounds of Hades" to get his wife out of the Underworld. He's even going to sacrifice his Labour Day weekend to do it, schlepping all the way to Romania as we speak to start production Sunday. See? That's why he's Ricky Schroder and you aren't. And the guy has more than paid his dues beyond that, acknowledging a patient two-decade wait in his producers' Auteur Stable before finally getting saddled up for a ride:

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Art-eschewing, mainstream-tentpole- project-maker Brett Ratner's love for the video game sensation known as the Guitar Hero knows no bounds. His obsession with the instrument sim and its groupie-nailing expansion packs stems back to his formative years at NYU film school, when he'd busk in Washington Square Park, playing as many Police songs as he could using the four notes he was capable of eliciting from a harmonica. The first time he picked up Hero, it gave him the same quaternary musical thrill ("Smoke on the Water," for example, became a four-colour kaleidoscopic "red red blue/green green blue blue/red red green/ yelllooowww"), and he since has gone about incorporating the game into many of his smaller projects—everything from Miley Cyrus videos to Mariah Carey videos. But an actual Guitar Hero movie? He'd love a crack, he told MTV Multiplayer:

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It was announced in a statement released yesterday that X-Files star David Duchovny is the latest star to voluntarily enter rehab, though his stint is a markedly different one than the typical two-week Promises tour accorded most penitent, crisis-managed celebs. No, Duchovny — who played a sex-obsessed character in the softcore drama Red Shoe Diaries, the 2005 film Trust the Man, and currently essays one as bed-hopping novelist Hank Moody on the Showtime series Californication — is seeking treatment for sex addiction. Though currently married to actress Tea Leoni (with whom he has two children: daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6), the actor has fended off rumours about his sex life for over a decade, according to Us Weekly:

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Welcome to a special Labour Day edition of Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to what's new, noteworthy and potentially nausea-inducing this week at the movies. We're as shocked as anyone to see another bottleneck for wide releases, with five films vying for scarce holiday dollars before studios roll out their fall collections. Alas, there they are — only one dumpee can finish on top, and our overeducated guess follows below. We've also got a hunch over who stands to lose big, our regular underdog pick for your consideration, and the best of the best new DVD releases for you three-day-weekend homebodies. As always, our choices are our own but positively elegant in their accuracy. You're welcome!

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