August 23, 2008

Help Jason Lee Name Pilot Inspektor's New Sister

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 10:20 AM on August 23, 2008

Congratulations to My Name is Earl star Jason Lee and his girlfriend Ceren Alkac, who have helped to ring in "Celebrity Babymaking Month" with a brand-new baby girl of their very own. Fans of the actor may be wondering what Lee named the child, since Lee already has a four-year-old son notoriously named Pilot Inspektor. And the answer is... we don't know! The rep for Lee gave no name to Us Weekly, and the magazine notes that when Lee last stopped by the Today show, he said he hadn't picked a moniker out yet. If you have suggestions for Lee, let them fly; frankly, we're partial to the names Skyhostess Oftomorrow, Driver Detektive, and Sukiyaki Western Django.

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Buh Bye Frappuccino! How Britney Got Back In Shape

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 10:00 AM on August 23, 2008

Though we may go back and forth on whether we want our MTV, one thing we can all agree on is that we want a Dirt Sandwich. Like your favourite music channel in its heyday, it's packed with pop stars (Britney! Sanjaya!), celebrity antics (Bill Murray skydiving) and even the occasional bit of sobering news (Christina Applegate's mastectomy). And that whole "quick-cut MTV editing" thing? We got that, too. Sit back, put down your remote control, and let Molly McAleer take you on a psychedelic trip through the world of celebrity infotainment that would make even a Radiohead video seem banal. And if you don't watch? Katherine Heigl is gonna point and laugh at you.

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Wendy Williams Audience Member Thinks A Breastless Kate Hudson Is Trying To Kill Owen Wilson

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 8:50 AM on August 23, 2008

Nothing good in this world can last forever, and so it is with The Wendy Williams Show, which concluded its six-week test run today before it relaunches nationwide in 2009. When we last checked in on Wendy, she was shocking the audience with unorthodox opinions on matters like Heath Ledger's baby (not a random, drive-by splash-off, you'll be happy to know) and The Curse of Jennifer Aniston. Still, for her final broadcast, Wendy ceded the crazy to audience member Rosie, who proceeded to accuse actress Kate Hudson of attempted murder, twice (as well as the inability to fill out a C-cup). We're speechless, so we'll simply quote from Wendy's signoff: "See you in 2009," she said, "just how you like it: real, raw, and regular." Indeed. [The Wendy Williams Show]

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Defamer Commenter Braintrust Weighs In On 5 Solutions to Fix MTV

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 8:00 AM on August 23, 2008

When we spent yesterday introducing you to the "7 MTV-Defining Stars Who Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Anymore," little did we know it would cause such a sensation. From far and wide, the Defamer commenters gathered together to trade stories about the network's golden days, suggest improvements that could be made, and shout at kids to get off their damn lawn. Since MTV has made the encouraging step of hiring Russell Brand to host this year's VMAs, we know they're open to self-improvement, so we thought it only fair to spotlight the best suggestions and constructive criticism the Defamer braintrust had to offer:

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First-Look 'Choke' Clip Hints at Someone Getting Seriously Injured, Laid

Posted by STV at 7:20 AM on August 23, 2008

Our recent experiments in Film Trailer and Clip Interception have been spotty at best, but this one seems to be the real thing: A new, mildly NSFW scene from Choke, the Sam Rockwell sex-addict / colonial-reenactor-angst comedy opening Aug. 29. The red-band ribaldry of the past is swapped out for a more subdued exchange, however; no bare breasts, just bare souls as Rockwell and his role-playing partner plot out ... we don't even know. Our outraged mothers switched it off after about 10 seconds, leaving us hanging until our interview with Rockwell next week. So until we can straighten out (or at least parent-proof) this clip-grabbing contraption, perv away while you can after the jump. [Fox Searchlight]

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'Whore' The 'Citizen Kane' Of Streetwalker Movies Starring Megan Fox And Rumer Willis

Posted by Seth at 7:00 AM on August 23, 2008

There are those for whom the title Whore means one film and one alone: Ken Russell's fearless exploration of the oldest profession, in which Richard Gere never arrives to sweep a gold-hearted streetwalker off her feet. But that was 1991, a whole generation ago, and few who show up to 2008's Whore are likely to even recall the original, much less force a comparison. Written, directed, produced, edited and color-timed by Thomas Dekker—yes, that Thomas Dekker, of John Connor-in-primetime fame and The Sashay Chante Chronicles—it features Megan Fox, Rumer Willis, and Ron Jeremy in a movie about a "large group of teens living on the streets of Hollywood and selling their bodies to stay alive." We present for you the key art, the arresting image of a bitch who had to be choked, presumably by uncredited cameo Wayne Brady.

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In a Very Special Boardroom, Joe Francis Tells Trump, 'Show Me Your Tits'

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 6:40 AM on August 23, 2008

Currently enmeshed in a terrible global conspiracy involving 17-year-old girls, U.S. District Judges, a shadowy cabal of vampires (and most likely the Stonemasons), Girls Gone Wild proprietor Joe Francis is on the hunt for a way to restore his good name — and there's no one more willing to help than Donald Trump. Already the crown prince of magnanimity thanks to his selfless (some might say tear-inducing) bail-out of the beleaguered Ed McMahon, Hollyscoop says that the billionaire and the porn purveyor are set to team up:

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Playboy Michael Phelps's New Home Equipped With Olympic-Sized Dating Pool

Posted by STV at 6:20 AM on August 23, 2008

Having taken our stern but loving admonitions against grabbing the first Hollywood opportunity that comes slithering his way, gilled Olympian phenom Michael Phelps appears to be enjoying the scenic route out of Beijing and into the bachelor lifestyle to which his 14 total gold medals entitle him. His ladyfriend roundelay reportedly peaked earlier this week with 20-year-old Australian swimmer and make-out enthusiast Stephanie Rice — herself one of her country's most celebrated young athletes and naughty Facebook page proprietors:

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Attack Of The Fallon

Posted by Seth at 5:50 AM on August 23, 2008

· Attack of the Show producer Gavin Purcell is leaving G4 to co-produce Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He'll presumably user-test some of his edgier, hot-dog-deep-throating ideas on the web-only show before Fallon's NBC debut. [Variety]
· Bad news: Stargate: Atlantis will not get a sixth-season order from SciFi Channel. Good news: Stargate: Universe, a whole new Stargate series, is set to begin. Even better news: Stargate: Babies can't be far behind! [THR]
· Neil Patrick Harris and Sarah Chalke will host the Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards Sept. 13th, to be aired on E! one week later. Britney Spears will be a last-minute guest-patterer, in a performance Harris will backhandedly compliment on the talk show circuit. [Variety]
· Nicolas Cage will star in Kick-Ass, to later be renamed Awe-Some in pursuit of an all-important PG-13 rating. [THR]
· Freeze, sucka! Regina King, Kevin Alejandro and Michael McGrady have been cast in NBC pilot LAPD. [THR]

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'Big Brother' Contestant April Loses The Game But Gains A Varsity Ring

Posted by Seth at 5:20 AM on August 23, 2008

We love nothing more than a fairy tale ending, and we got one on last night's Big Brother, when—amidst the tragedy of contestant April's ejection from their 24-hour surveillance Eden— surviving housemate and oral-sex-partner Ollie proposed..um...popping his relationship cherry? Prodded by host Julie Chen, who had already been given a fat dossier on the pair's budding romance which included a number of X-ray stills from their quilt-covered shenanigans, Ollie extolled the many virtues of the Arizona auto-financing manager, then announced, "I got a question for you: Will you be my first girlfriend? I want an answer from you the second I get out of this house." CBS would be fools not to capitalise on the event, mounting a lavish Ollie and April's Going Steady Ceremony primetime special upon which no expense would be spared.

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Miley's Sweet 16: You (and 30,000 Gays) are Invited!

Posted by STV at 5:00 AM on August 23, 2008

OMG! The birthday-celebrating opportunity of your tween's lifetime is right around the corner at Disneyland, where plans for Miley Cyrus's Sweet-16 bash on Oct. 5 are coming together with saucy, serendipitous panache. Never mind the $250 face value of the limited tickets going on sale Aug. 30 — the guest list validates a price even double that. Take, for starters, the Jonas Brothers and Miley's other Disney cohorts, throw in a few volunteers handpicked from Youth Service America, and finish it off with a two-story birthday cake full of gays. Or at least a theme park full of them, according to The Advocate:

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Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 4:40 AM on August 23, 2008

And Special Guest Star Heather Locklear as Amanda: After Emmy producers found great success two years ago by reuniting the terrifyingly taut stars of Charlie's Angels onstage, E!'s Marc Malkin is reporting that another Spelling summit may be in the works. Producers are attempting to mount a Melrose Place reunion for this year's telecast, a stunt that raises all sorts of questions about who amongst the drama's sprawling cast would be asked to attend. Sure, Heather Locklear is a gimme, but what about the quickly exiled Vanessa A. Williams? Would Marcia Cross rather blow up the ceremony than share the stage with random late-season replacements like Linden Ashby and Jamie Luner? And, most pressingly, is the Zuniga free (our guess: yes)? Kudos, Emmy producers. We eagerly await next year's poignant reunion of the Small Wonder cast. [E!]

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Early Disney Legal Department Revealed To Be A Mickey Mouse Operation

Posted by Seth at 3:45 AM on August 23, 2008

The LAT has a fascinating story today about Gregory S. Brown, a 51-year-old former Disney researcher who's lived in the same one-bedroom apartment in Hollywood for the last 20 years. Brown had once tried and failed to take over Harvey Comics. In doing his research, he discovered an old Ghostbusters lawsuit in which an overlooked copyright claim had allowed Fatso, Casper's sidekick and a dead-ringer for the movie's logo, to lapse into the public domain. Armed with his new knowledge of such loopholes, he returned to the Disney vaults to find similar cases. A failure to renew the copyright on the 1933 Mickey Mouse cartoon The Mad Doctor led to a business selling knockoff cels from that film. Disney sued him, and won a $500,000 settlement. Now something of an early-animation copyright expert, Brown went back to the stacks to research his defense; it was then that he learned something truly astonishing: Thanks to some shoddy legalese, just about anyone could move Disney's cheese.

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Respected Pundit Victoria Jackson Weighs in on 'Anti-Christ Whitey-Hater' Barack Obama

Posted by STV at 3:15 AM on August 23, 2008

Unfashionable as it is, we have to admit to loving the Celebrity Right for its candor, combativeness and diligence throughout this year's election cycle. George Clooney can fire off as many "c u L8R, prez" texts to Barack Obama as his mobile plan will allow, but we're far more impressed by the texture of the ideology espoused by the likes of Jon Voight, Dennis Hopper, and now — at last! — SNL alum Victoria Jackson. And by "texture" (at least in Jackson's case), we basically mean the fine, aromatic quality of fresh batshit:

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Should Jean-Claude Van Damme Start Writing His Oscar Speech?

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 2:35 AM on August 23, 2008

Though the French have a knack for embracing the most embarrassing elements of American culture, not even Jerry Lewis could have prepared us for JCVD, the shockingly acclaimed Cannes sensation featuring washed-up action star Jean-Claude Van Damme. A postmodern drama that stars the Muscles from Brussels as himself, we've brought you the awkward teaser trailer (wherein Van Damme stumbles upon a JCVD casting call, then argues for a more believable character motivation: cocaine) and now we're happy to announce that Peace Arch Entertainment has picked the film up for U.S. distribution.

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Bunnies, Rockers and Longshots Fight Death at Congested Multiplex

Posted by STV at 2:05 AM on August 23, 2008


Welcome back to another edition of Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to the latest in abandon, excess and best-kept secrets at a theatre near you. We're looking at an unusually busy — and maybe even unusually good — week for mid-August, with four new releases opening wide and Tropic Thunder looking to hold fast to No. 1. And while all the congestion is bound to squeeze at least one player out, a romantic opening at the art house is one of our favourite underdog selections to date. As always, our opinions are our own, but with this kind of unparalleled taste and accuracy, would you really want it any other way?

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