So it's now T-minus three days and counting until Australian Idol hits our airwaves once more, and I am personally eagerly waiting for the Coming Of God (aka James Spargo) but Channel Ten have SIX DAYS of auditions all up in this bitch; from Sunday to Friday they'll be wheeling out their best loonies and young girls singing Whitney Houston songs and making Marcia cry. Ten have also announced changes to the voting system that will mean Monday elimination nights will begin with a "last chance" sing-off for the bottom three contestants:

The three facing elimination will take to the stage to perform once more in "a last-ditch effort to win over the audience, build on their vote and prove worthy to continue the Idol journey".

After their performances, the voting lines will re-open, to enable Australia to save their favourite two singers. Then co-hosts James Mathison and Andrew G will join them on stage to reveal the contestant leaving the competition.

While this looks like a fair go for all, all it really means is mo' money for Ten, which is unsurprising, but I'd like to take a moment to discuss what is possibly the most terrifying publicity photo I have ever seen:

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Generally speaking, when rumours of the "OMG nude!" variety start flying around a starlet, there's usually an awful lot of gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands, and a lackey is dispatched to pour cold water on the whispers, and said starlet starts getting around in hessian sacks and tracksuits. Not so our Sophie Monk, however! When buzz began circulating that Bardot's finest Marilyn Monroe impersonator had been touched - potentially - by the hand of Hef, her publicist stood to attention.

"Playboy has always done classy portfolios, so I'm sure if this was real, it's something that would be considered," Weinman said via email.

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Well, perhaps that headline is a touch hyperbolic, but when I got online this morning to check my pokes work really hard, I was greeted by the banner ad you see at the left. (Suffice to say it was a pleasant change from the usual "26 And Still Single?" varieties.) Anything combining the words "Alan Fletcher" and "musical" is bound to snare my attention - because we all love it when Dr Karl brings that old guitar out of the shed and Susan rolls her eyes - so I clicked through. Cop a load of these highlights from the cast!

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Are the suburban dance schools of the country out to smear the name of affable So You Think You Can Dance Australia judge and frosted tips enthusiast Jason Coleman? That's the word from the man himself, who reckons that the stage mothers and fathers of the country are unimpressed with his decision to have a break from choreographing major events while stepping into the razzle dazzle world of ten-year-old prima donnas. His competitors have hit him with everything from rumours of impending bankruptcy to his supposed lack of skills as a choreographer.

One competitor admitted his nose was out of joint, saying the well-known choreographer was "selling a dream that doesn't exist".

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Though the new 90210 has booked Jennie Garth for a major recurring role and relegated Shannen Doherty to only a handful of episodes, it's the latter who merits "icon" status according to this brand-new CW promo. In it, Doherty shows up in special new footage taped just for you (but not for you, Tori), coyly flipping her hair as she asks the camera, "Miss me?" While we do, Shannen, we must remind you that there's someone in the 90210 cast who tops even you in our estimation: Jessica Walter, aka Lucille freakin' Bluth. While we're certain that she's the last actor the CW cares to build a promo around (even Mark the Cobrasnake would probably get one first), to us, she's the show's true, alcoholic icon. CW, hear our cry for footage of Walter, or we'll be forced to mount a "Save our Bluths" campaign the likes of which even EW cannot contain. [The CW]

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It was bound to happen: tired of pumping out ads with a not-so-subtle "just wait until after the Olympics because we're not going to waste our A game while you're watching the Greco-Roman Wrestling heats" subtext, Channel Seven's rivals (which for the most part means Channel Nine, as ABC are too busy being seriose cats and Channel Ten are off packing bowls and hanging ten, or something equally hip and youthful) have started coughing up the mad bucks to get gold medalists on their shows - and, naturally, Seven is pissed.

"This is unprecedented, the level of desperation, the underhandedness and ugliness that went on," a source said.

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The pitter-patter of little feet is getting kind of annoying today at Defamer HQ, where news of not one, not two, not three, but four celebrity pregnancies and/or births have us hand-delivering sex-ed pamphlets to front desks everywhere from CAA to ICM. Even in this uncertain era of creative gas-rationing and looming SAG strikes, Hollywood seed is flying, and nowhere is it landing more conspicuously than in the always-competitive sphere comprising Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; just when Damon and wife Luciana had welcomed Gia Zavala Damon into the cruel, cruel world, Garner confirmed her pregnancy with her and Affleck's own second child. Then, as the rivals regrouped to plot their escalation, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went and blobbed at Cedars-Sinai:

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· You know how everyone used to complain that Britney Spears lip-synced her way through all of her concerts? Well, after seeing this video that isolates Britney's vocals during her "Live From Las Vegas" show, we're pretty sure you'll be thankful that backing tracks exist. [Funny Or Die via Buzzfeed]
· We know that we're supposed to bow at the feet of Radiohead because, well, everyone bows at the feet of Radiohead. But we can't help but concur with Hold Steady guitarist Tad Kubler's recent comments about the band: "I think they've lost the plot. I like them as a rock band, all the buttons and sequencing and stuff like that I don't really care for. I'm a fan of rock music, and what they're doing now I don't think is very good." [Vulture]
· We've been thinking a lot about Sharon Stone ever since we revealed her new twentysomething boyfriend yesterday. While her film career is stalled, we think we spotted a reality show opportunity that would be a perfect fit for her brand of crazy: Vh1's Cougar Camp. [NY Post]
· This headline has us thankful all of the film critics haven't been killed off yet: "Hamlet 2: The First One Was Better." [Time]
· Most of our favourite movies of the '80s require a healthy suspension of disbelief to enjoy. Teen Wolf was one of those films. But now, thanks to the comedy troupe Summer Of Tears, we're not sure we're ever going to be able to watch it again without contemplating how none of the characters raised an eyebrow when the bestiality angle came into play. [/Film]

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"Scandalism" is all the rage these days in London, where the hottest gossip of the day is found in neither Fleet Street rags nor blogs but rather spray-painted on the very walls of its subjects' homes. Exhibit A: Sienna Miller, whose recent, only slightly immodest dalliance with married father Balthazar Getty (among other tormented ex-flames) may or may not have prompted the scandalism above, which materialized on Miller's home late one recent evening. The ensuing investigation is going pretty much as sluggishly you'd expect; we're told a reward is available for information leading to the culprit's capture and conviction, just as soon as Nottingham is green lit again.

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Back Together: After Britney Spears skipped out on plans to record a Timbaland-helmed duet with Justin Timberlake for her last album (hmmm, maybe she's been busy?) the NY Post reports that the pop singer and Timberlake are finally set to reunite for her album due later this year. Though the Post calls it a "long-awaited duet," we have to wonder: haven't they already recorded one together? Not that we knew that or anything, it just...happened to come up when we Googled "Britney duet." OK, fine, we'll admit it. We knew about it already. You've caught us Cheeto-handed. [NY Post]

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While we have to say were taken slightly aback by the addition of limp-flippered velvet-slug mafioso Capote the Hutt to the Star Wars character universe, we were even more surprised to learn from a Defamer operative that the Lucas brand—Synonymous with Quality Intergalactic Family Entertainment Since 1977™—harbors other...how should we put this diplomatically...C3POic tendencies? They write:

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As we take stock of the winding-down Summer Olympics, not every story emerging from Beijing can deal with an upbeat panoply of would-be stars and swimmer abs. There's plenty to improve on for 2012, starting with women's beach volleyball — an athletic travesty so grave that readers of one TV blog have mounted sort of an accidental revolt against its continuation four years from now in London:

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Last week's debut of Defamer Answers seemed to go reasonably well, with our survey of the phenomenon that is The Jonas Brothers provoking rich discussion among fans, enemies and baffled cultural observers alike. This week's edition finds us contemplating a far less-heated subject whose profile is surging nevertheless: Courtenay Semel, an entertainment industry scion and B-list lesbian whose exploits have landed her everywhere from reality TV to the interior of Lindsay Lohan's pants over the last three years.

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· Ben Affleck will star in Mike Judge's Extract, about the trials and tribulations of "a flower extract factory owner." We know the punchline is "Ow My Essence of Citrus Blossom!" We're just not sure how the rest goes. [Variety]
· The Zurich Film Festival will bestow their highest honour, The Golden Herring, upon the franchise-defibrillating achievements of aging action mercenary, Sylvester Stallone. [Variety]
· NBC Universal has acquired U.K.'s Carnival Film & Television, the first step in their ruddily cherubic child-king's seven-year plan towards world domination. [THR]
· The House Bunny and Legally Blonde writers Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith have sold ABC Studios a script for a potential series based on their "champagne-and-therapy-fueled" creative process. Working title: Set-Ups and the City. (Now who wants a show about our malt-beverage-and-hackery-fuelled creative process?) [THR]
· Lifetime ordered six episodes of Blonde Charity Mafia, a documentary series about young fundraising socialites in D.C. Couldn't they have squeezed the word "Sluts" in the title somewhere? That would have really sold it. [Variety]

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There are TV characters you hate to love, and then there are those whose love you hate. TV Guide writer Damien Holbrook tackles the latter in the magazine's upcoming feature, "Top 10 Most Annoying TV Couples," which details the most aggravating, chemistry-free romances ever foisted on television by a hubris-stricken showrunner. Did your least favourite couple make the list? Will Katherine Heigl make her beloved Joshua forward the article to the Grey's Anatomy writers? Results and analysis, after the jump:

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Yes, you read that headline correctly, and now you can experience the magic for yourselves. This comes to us via Videogum, and it appears (sniff) to be some sort of portal into (whimper, voice crack) Trump's brilliant, wealth-accumulating mind via your TV at 4 a.m. (sooooobbbbb). After the jump, an equally insane clip about Trump's love of red meat—a point he's driven home before on The Apprentice, if we're not mistaken, in a lyrical metaphor for sexual preference that compared enjoying gay sex to eating spaghetti.

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The Horse Actorer. We think we finally have some solid evidence as to what was afoot with Batman's weird-sounding voice in The Dark Knight: He was neighing! "I love horses. I've learned from them," he told a Japanese reporter recently. "Once you master a horse — but it also masters you — you gain more confidence in yourself." [AFP/Yahoo]

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If you're one of those people who still resist the tractor-beam allure of Ryan Seacrest, we strongly encourage you to just relax and submit. We'll admit—there was a time when we didn't really get it, either. Who was this peroxided munchkin, and why was he being beamed into our subconscious eleven times a week by the shadowy forces of the karoake-industrial complex? But once we let his stardust coat us like a really expensive hair-product, life became so much easier, happier, Seacrestier. His effortlessly upbeat and lightly compassionate air, his ability to identify ladies' shoes not just by designer but by season and model number, the comforting thought that even David Archuleta could take him in a best-out-of-five arm wrestling competition: It all just worked, dare we say to the betterment of society as a whole.

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Though Scarlett Johansson may be Kanye West's "Favorite White Girl," she's only got eyes for two men: fiancé Ryan Reynolds and presidential candidate Barack Obama. Sadly, her love for one may be interfering with her plans for the other, and this is one situation that even her ménage à trois-promising website can't resolve. According to Showbiz Spy, Johansson may delay her wedding until her unreciprocated email buddy makes it into the Oval Office:<

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After word emerged yesterday that MTV was planning an extreme dieting beauty pageant, we knew it was time to ask ourselves, "Do we still want our MTV?" Many of us grew up in a time where the network was perceived as alternative, cutting-edge, and cool, though it's hard to picture the stars who made it that way getting a foot through the door of the modern-day MTV casting office. Here, then, are seven iconic MTV personalities who would have no place on a network that now fills its programming with multiple iterations of the "spoiled rich girl" reality genre:

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Press your ear to the ground this morning and feel the subsonic rumblings rolling over from Riverside — better known these days as the Epicenter of Epochal Doll Litigation since Mattel went to war against Bratz manufacturer MGA Entertainment last month over Barbie-centric copyright infringement. And while a jury has already ruled that Bratz designer Carter Bryant conceived the dolls while working for Mattel (as well as MGA boss Isaac Larian's complicity in adapting them for his company), Bratz future are in doubt as aftershocks threaten nearly $2 billion worth of damage on the sassy young brand.

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Continuing with our ongoing Defamer Decides 2008 political coverage (splashy logo forthcoming just as soon as we figure out how to work out another Photoshop 30-day free trial), we now bring you this new ONE campaign TV spot featuring Hollywood's most likable superstar and enviable nape-haver Matt Damon. The ad features the pedostache-free actor star soberly addressing the camera about their poverty-combating efforts. Fans should be warned, however, that the strange voices that soon emerge from Damon's lips are not the result of any multiple-personality disorders, secret hormone treatments, or Satanic possessions.

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