In this fast-paced world we live in, sometimes celebrity love affairs that once burned bright are relegated to the scrap heap of entertainment industry gossip, only to pop up again on VH1 specials in the future, or in "hey, remember me?"-style women's magazine interviews, to remind us that - for example - there was once a time when we thought that "Our" Russell Crowe was going to be IN LUV 4 LYFE with one Meg Ryan. Well, thank you, Meg, for reminding us, and for explaining why things didn't work out with Fightin' Russell.

"Russell was incredibly gracious to me during a really hard time and in the aftermath."

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Well, here I was thinking that Blake Fielder-Civil was more or less the last thing that Winegums needs in her life at the moment, but apparently all that "'til death do us part" stuff is, like, totally for reals, and Winegums has decided that the best way to get her husband back on side (you know, her junkie husband that looks like a living corpse and is in jail for assault and perverting the course of justice; you know, that awesome dude) is to go to rehab. And wouldn't you know it, skanky UK comedian and Forgetting Sarah Marshall dude Russell Brand hooked a sista up.

Amy, 24, will have treatment at the "small and friendly" Focus 12 Clinic in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk, where funnyman Russell Brand beat his own demons.

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· Seriously—one towel, Jack Black? We can't even get one towel to stay securely wrapped around our waist after a shower; do you just wrap it around your head like a turban and prance around the house air-drying? What are we saying. Of course you do. [The Cho Show]
· You know, we didn't want to say it—but that All Growed Up feature on TMZ has felt a little phoned in as of late. [Jossip]
· You've thrilled to A Very Brady Gangbang, now enjoy a similar blaspheming of your favourite monster family in This Ain't The Munsters XXX. Be sure to browse the gallery. [Munsters XXX]
· You've waited long enough: Ladies and gentlemen, Sanjaya's Nationwide commercial debuted today. [Nationwide]
· Finally, someone has mapped out The Periodic Table of Awesoments. [Dapperstache]

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The Watchmen Studio Blood Feud pitting Fox against Warner Bros. in a copyright scuffle to the death is turning more shrill by the minute, with outraged fanboys filling the public space from which studio lawyers retreated on Tuesday. One war-zone observer filed a particularly harrowing dispatch this morning, describing the spillover onto the Web and the violent counterattack calling for a boycott of Fox should its claim to Watchmen's rights delay the film's release. A more militant protest suggested pirating Fox's own troubled summer offering Wolverine instead, leaving an exasperated Fox spokesman to swat defensively as mouthbreathers descended from all sides:

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Now this is a headine I never thought I'd get to use in my lifetime! All I need now is the ability to write "Bindi Irwin: My Hard Drug Hell" by the end of the year and I can retire. In any case, it looks as though our stolen lovely Princess Mary of Denmark could be about to be embroiled in a nude photo scandal - but (unfortunately) it's not Mary herself who is in the nude shots: it's her two-and-a-half-year-old son Christian. Is there no low those paparazzi will not stoop to? (Don't answer that.)

Friends appealed to the magazine photographers to withhold the images and a palace official approached local outlets to try to prevent publication.

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Though MTV spent the earlier part of this week teaching men how to emotionally manipulate their girlfriends, it's got plenty of advice to dole out to women, too. Why, just have a gander at the casting call for the network's upcoming entry in the crowded "model reality" genre! In what could be a first for the network, they're looking to cast the show solely with overweight women, but there's a catch: those women will be expected to lose up to 80 pounds in just 12 dangerous weeks. Says ABC News:

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As though it weren't already bad enough that our wholesome reality television talent quests were populated by deluded people who've never heard the word "no" and consequently think they sound like Stevie Wonder (when the reality is closer to Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia!), now the poor judges can't even give a contestant the boot without fearing for their safety - just ask our Dannii Minogue, who co-panels the X Factor desk in the UK.

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Let's take a brief stroll down meme-ry lane, eh?

Years later, I still love this speech.

From the Dept. of Mildly Pressing Questions Worth Asking on A Slow Wednesday Afternoon comes this new query: "Why Is This DreamWorks-Reliance Deal Taking So Long?" It features an accompanying clock and everything — 63 Days, 18 Hours, 34 Minutes and counting! — to emphasise the hold-up since Indian conglom Reliance Big Entertainment was reported to be within weeks of saving Steven Spielberg and co. from Paramount. Indeed, what is taking so long, and why do so many sources supposedly in the know keep jumping the gun?

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While some in Hollywood might see Heath Ledger's two-year-old daughter as a sacred cow, to talk show host Wendy Williams, she's red meat. Last seen offering unsolicited advice to a recovering Christina Applegate, Williams today turned her attention to Ledger, who died without updating his will to include his daughter Matilda or his ex-wife, Spike Jonze-canoodler Michelle Williams. In response, actors Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell will be donating their fees from The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (which they stepped into after Ledger's death) to both Michelle Williams and Matilda, an act of generosity that does not go unremarked-upon by Miss Wendy. Watch as she again horrifies her audience by going there in a bizarre, sperm-soaked metaphor meant to defend Matilda. Wendy, Wendy: with friends like these, who needs enemies? [The Wendy Williams Show]

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Sure, Sharon Stone is a great many things—an award-winning actress, a karmic-geology theorist, a glamorous throwback to the Golden Era of Hollywood Crazy—but she's been trying on a new persona lately: That of the majestic cougar, roaming the Hollywood hills in search of fresh, hunky meat, which she traps using her preferred stalking method of slowly uncrossing her powerful hind legs to reveal that she isn't wearing any cougar-panties. The lucky young man in the photo above is identified by In Touch as Simon LeBon 25 years ago 24-year-old Chase Dreyfus:

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If there's one important lesson that can be drawn from the blockbuster performance of Warner Bros.' The Dark Knight, it's that audiences aren't afraid of a comic-book movie that takes a walk on the dark, grim side. However, the same can't necessarily be said for Fox topper Tom Rothman (the bane of AICN) who greenlit two Fantastic Four movies, hired Brett Ratner to direct X3, and now is allegedly mucking with the X-Men spinoff Wolverine. Despite the fact that the gritty, Hugh Jackman-topped film was met with a giddy response at this year's Comic-Con, Jeff Wells says that Rothman is pressuring director Gavin Hood to make the movie more kid-friendly — and when Hood won't cave, Rothman is taking matters into his own hands:

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New Line's Survivor Party: We regret overlooking this story Tuesday afternoon, but the news that New Line plans its annual summer party despite pink-slipping its founders (and more than 500 other staffers) in April can't really get old, can it? Especially not with the party coming up tomorrow night at SkyBar of all places — a $35,000 fete for 45 people, according to Nikki Finke, with whom "studio insiders" debate the figure and argue that "[e]ven in the worst years New Line always had that party. ... Toby [Emmerich] felt like the summer party is part of New Line's DNA and to change that is a mistake." OK, but this is the last time: Expect Warner Bros. to absorb the party planning and invitation distribution duties in 2009, only to push the event back to 2010 when its other parties that year threaten to underperform. [DHD]

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When word came over the wires that Us Weekly was breaking the news, "Singer Ricky Martin Welcomes Twin Boys"... well, let's just say that headline promises a different article than the one we got. Still: congratulations are in order for the pop singer, who's followed in the footsteps of Clay Aiken and become a new father. Says Us:

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· NBC commanded an appropriately world-record-breaking ratings win over the other four networks thanks to Michael Phelps and the rest of their Olympics coverage; but CBS's Big Brother managed to hold its own, due in no small part to a competitively themed Drown the Old Guy in Slop episode that tested the outer limits of senior contestant Jerry's will to live. [Variety]
· She lost the weight, she's feeling great, and now she's ready to work: Valerie Bertinelli will return to her sitcom roots with a half-four TBS comedy about a single mum "who struggles to care for two kids and a lumber business." Even more exciting? Bonnie Franklin is in talks to play a stack of two-by-fours! [Variety]
· Fox News Channel is sprucing up its Facebook page with a video clip library, enhanced feedback applications, and anchor status updates alerting you that "Bill O'Reilly is...totally nuts for WALL-E even though he knows he shouldn't be :P!!!" [Variety]
·James McAvoy and Emily Blunt will voice the title gnomes is Gnomio and Juliet, playing starcrossed Travelocity pitchmen from "rival gardens" in a computer-animated Miramax feature. [THR]
·ABC is going forward with Supermanny, a male version of Supernanny, in which bratty problem-children will be dazzled into submission by their new hunky caregiver's rippling abs and dreamy smile. [THR]

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(Defamer today obtained this memo currently making the rounds in Heaven's Third District, Cloud Unit G — better known as "Sesame Heaven," or the Late Child Stars Dept. Reliable afterlife sources have confirmed its authenticity; we pass it along to you without further comment.)

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Considering how the trailer for Oliver Stone's W. focused rather heavily on James Cromwell and Louis Armstrong, we're happy to bring you this new behind-the-scenes clip (courtesy of Access Hollywood), which offers the first extended glimpse of Josh Brolin doing his best impression of The Decider. It's the impersonation that's split the Defamer offices in half, with some calling it uncannily accurate (and uncomfortably erotic), and others finding Brolin miscast and not ready for prime time. We'll let you (and Elisabeth Hasselbeck!) be the judge, though keep in mind this is all B-roll; once Oliver Stone finally makes use of that green screen to take Bush on a kaleidoscopic journey through the jungles of Vietnam to the tune of "Riders on the Storm," perhaps we'll have the context we need to truly appreciate Brolin's performance. Catch the performance in all its glory after the jump.

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"HEIDI KLUM AND SEAL'S LOVE STORY INSPIRES TERRENCE HOWARD'S NEW SONG" reads an Extra e-mail alert landed recently in the always lively Defamer tips box. Needless to say, we dove hungrily into the story, and learned that the girl-germ-phobic Crash star has his own album coming out—"Shine Through It"—led by a single called "Sanctuary" that was indeed inspired by the timeless romance of the pop singer and Project Runway host. Like us, Howard must have also been watching that Oprah episode when Klum recalled first laying eyes on her husband, sauntering through a hotel lobby in bicycle shorts: "[H]e came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow. And I pretty much saw everything. The whole package." It was an electrifying moment, captured for eternity by Howard's haunting lyric, "His pants were/elastic/the bulge was/fantastic/Ohhhh sanctuary/Their love goes on." [Extra]

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If it's not bombs, bees and/or anthrax threatening to engulf MGM in a dense apocalyptic deathcloud, then there's always the Specter of Ownership Past to give the denizens of Constellation Drive a good mortal scare. But only if they're willing to suspend their disbelief long enough to imagine Kirk Kerkorian shuffling back into town on his black steed, blank check in one hand and studio valuation figures in the other, grinning wildly at the prospect of reclaiming the studio a fourth time in as many decades.

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Lamas Family acting dynasty heiress Shayne Lamas may not have made love work with the green-card-curious man of her dreams, but by no means does that mean that she'd cover all the mirrors in her house, don a black cocktail dress, and mourn her broken engagement indoors. Life goes on for our little Monkey, as evidenced by a sequence of photographs on inebriated-social-interaction documentation site lastnightsparty.com. What starts out innocently enough, however, with a little round of "Who's the Marilyn-est of them all?" quickly devolves into a regrettable attempt at unbuckling a nearby patron's belt with her head, followed by a shocking display of unobstructed tuchus that will forever taint the pristine Bachelor brand. It's after the jump. But BEWARE! Shayne Lamas's dumps are NSFW!

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While promoting his new documentary Religulous (the hit of Claremont, CA!), the politically incorrect Bill Maher sat down with TV Guide for its upcoming August 25 issue. After discussing the religion-bashing doc, talk turned to The View (because when doesn't it?), and Maher was asked for his opinion on notorious flat-earther Sherri Shepherd. His response earned him a round of playground high-fives and "oh snaps":

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If nothing else, Tropic Thunder will go down as summer 2008's greatest single incubator of distractingly hairy outcroppings. Having already been lulled into a heady 'stache trance by the marvelous things happening atop Robert Downey Jr.'s lip on a recent GMA appearance, we now present for you a scene featuring Tom Cruise's much buzzed-about cameo as Les Grossman, the furry-knuckled, sociopathic studio chief who wants his war movie delivered on time and under budget.

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When John Cusack called us up and asked, "If I answer your questions, will you stop writing nasty shit about me?" we demurred — sadly, he didn't try the same tack with the New York Post. The left-leaning actor is a juicy target for the conservative tabloid, and after Cusack was asked to contribute an essay to the new HuffPost Chicago by his friend, "the good and great Arianna," the Post tore it wide open like a disgruntled Must Love Dogs ticketbuyter. What they allege they've found is a whole host of errors and made-up childhood reminiscences:

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Jodie Foster really has gotten off exceptionally easy so far in her dizzying, delicate miracle of new love with homewrecking writer/producer Cynthia Mort, with her most significant cash outlays being that always-steep first date and the extravagant "My Condolences" balloon bouquet sent Mort's way after HBO canceled her show Tell Me You Love Me. Foster had fared even better with ex Cydney Bernard, who, after 14 years of cohabitative bliss, spared the Oscar-winner the ugliness of custody squabbles, L Word box-set splits and other public indignities. Her typically low public profile escalated for what felt like mere minutes, soon returning to its subtle, cultivated ebb of lesbian quietude — just the way she likes it.

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