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Posted by Jess McGuire at 5:17 PM on August 14, 2008
Handsome reader Anthony sent the following clip in to me, adding that he hoped it tickled your editor as much as it did him.
Anthony? I believe we are equally tickled. Thank you, sir!
Posted by Clem Bastow at 3:33 PM on August 14, 2008
Planning on getting along to an arena show to see Mr Mose on the beats and watch up-and-comer Keri Hilson in support? Tough titties if so: rapper and R&B producer extraordinaire Timbaland has cancelled his Australian tour (after already delaying it), with no explanation. The first of his dates was due to start this Friday in Sydney (i.e. TOMORROW) but R&B fans will be wandering around the city in a disappointed daze, sadly clutching their tickets and asking strangers if they have any hot beats to spare. Here's the statement from Ticketek's website, in full:
The Timbaland event will not be proceeding.Now that's what I call good customer relations! So, in the scheme of tour cancellings, if "sickness" is usually a euphemism for "CBF", how do we interpret a straight up cancel without explanation?Showtime Touring Group & Timbaland apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.
Posted by Clem Bastow at 3:15 PM on August 14, 2008
If there's one thing you'll notice about Channel Seven at the moment - you know, apart from some small sporting event they seem to be covering - it's the intensity with which they are promoting all their post-Olympics programming (which they have rather dramatically titled "After The Olympics", which sounds a little "post-9/11" for my liking), whether it be Packed To The Rafters, Make Me A Supermodel or, most notably, Home & Away. Now, I've long since switched from Ramsay Street to Summer Bay, but it seems that in the past fortnight since I last saw an episode, my favourite "drama serial" has turned from a mildly melodramatic soap to an all aerial-tracking, all dramatic-orchestral-bursting megaplex epic that gives Highlander a run for its money. Come over the jump to see the promo that, if you watch with your eyes closed, you could be forgiven for mistaking as the trailer for the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
Posted by Clem Bastow at 2:45 PM on August 14, 2008
In case you've not noticed, all Australian online news outlets are currently going batshit crazy (official term) over the Olympics, which means they're all busting their servers to bring us extensive multimedia coverage, and plugging it in every inch of spare space on their homepages. Which is annoying, until you get something hilarious like TheAge.com.au's current link-through to their highlights presentation:
The poor lass remains un-captioned in the presentation (which features the sort of hilariously portentous music that even South Park's Parker and Stone would probably think was too much), but amongst all the "OMG WIN!!!" coverage of Stephanie Rice et al, it's nice to see some failure on the front page.
Posted by Clem Bastow at 1:21 PM on August 14, 2008
It's almost that time again, and while everyone is crapping themselves over the Olympics, Channel Ten has been taking advantage of people flipping channels for respite viewing by pummelling them with a sneak preview of this year's bunch of hopefuls, singing The Jacksons' Can You Feel It. Given that I only managed to watch it last night, you too may be in the dark - hop over the jump to witness their warbling and we can compare notes.
Posted by Clem Bastow at 12:44 PM on August 14, 2008
The nerve of rock stars these days - they get together with models, and not only do they not feature them in their video-clips (unlike the good old days of Jerry Hall and Christie Brinkley doing the rounds on MTV), now they can't even be arsed getting out of bed in time to watch their leggy charges storm the catwalk. At least, that seems to be the mood at the news.com.au/Daily Telegraph team, where they are wailing in the streets because Daniel Johns missed his girl Louise Van Der Vorst's appearance in the Alex Perry show for Fashion Targets Breast Cancer (in other words, not only does he not care about his girlfriend, he doesn't care about breast cancer!):He's happy to snuggle up to girlfriend Louise Van Der Vorst at every upmarket restaurant on Crown St, Surry Hills, but Daniel Johns does not seem so keen on mixing business with pleasure.
Posted by Clem Bastow at 11:41 AM on August 14, 2008
It's shaping up to look like Beijing 2008 is just not going to be Tina Sparkle's Olympics. After she was hooted at for asking whether 48kg meant the weight-lifters lifted or weighed 48kg (one would think a reasonable question... sort of), Sonia Kruger has found herself in the hosting deep end again - although this time, because of what she didn't say rather than what she did. Confused yet? Read on.
· This has got to be some kind of new low: Join in the fun as Tori Spelling's party guests crowd into the bathroom to watch husband Dean McDermott try out the new features on their high-tech wondercrapper. You'll be glad you did! [Tori and Dean]
· Fine, Millions of Milkshakes—L.A.'s newest frozen-delight venture—features the Britney, Paris, and Lindsay among its 75 million flavors. But does it feature a Zoila? It had better. [Eater LA]
·After seeing Victoria's act, watching Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai dislocate his elbow should be a piece of cake. (Warning: Graphic.) [Deadspin]
· Once we're onto the subject of Olympics injuries, we're getting reports that Michael Phelps has dislocated his penis in the 400-meter Individual Medley. [WOW Report]
· Ranchero singer and telenovela star Pablo Montero has been arrested for cocaine use and possession, forever altering the course of future-Dancing with the Stars-participation history. [NY Daily News]
Setting aside the redundant video that uncannily resembles stock news footage shot sometime during the Nixon Adminstration, there's plenty to not get about HuffPo contributor John Farr's recent overview of "smart, classy" actresses' decline in Hollywood. It's not like we can even necessarily argue with his taste for Joan Allen, to whom he ascribes the sense of sophistication, glamour and taste evident in icons like Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Vivian Leigh and Greta Garbo:
Posted by Clem Bastow at 10:41 AM on August 14, 2008
Readers of Dolly and TV Week magazines will have been shocked to hear that Home & Away star Todd Lasance (who plays the one with the alcoholic dad and was touched up by his war hero granddad when he was a kid and consequently likes to punch on, except when he's moonily looking into the eyes of Belle aka Savings Brand Mischa Barton) was in a serious car accident on the weekend that required him to be taken to hospital via ambulance. However, fear not! His valuable face is unscathed, but I'm guessing both he and the Home & Away family will probably wince when they recall a particular interview snippet he gave last year - and it looks like Seven is already on the defensive.A spokesman for the Seven network was keen to play down the accident.
Posted by Jess McGuire at 10:25 AM on August 14, 2008
Gracious. Having wandered through many a park in my time, I've often glanced at the benches provided by thoughtful councils for sitting upon and remarked to myself "My, what a finely constructed and useful bit of furniture..." but never have I followed on from that with "... I am going to bang that bench so hard, if it had eyes they would be rolling back in its head with pleasure."
Hong Kong resident Le Xing cannot say the same thing.
A man is lucky to still have a penis after he inserted it in a metal park bench and became stuck, doctors say.
Oh good god. More - including (gasp) video - after the jump.
Posted by Clem Bastow at 10:23 AM on August 14, 2008
Have you ever found yourself staring into the abyss and wondering just what it would take to snare you a date with a Miss Universe contestant? A date that didn't involve getting Macka in accounts to also join Second Life and create an avatar called "Miss Universe" who could then go to Orgy Island with your avatar, the green fox with giant bat wings and tribal tattoos? Stare no further: all it will take is an eagle's-eye on the auction countdown and a sweaty wad of cash. Yes, Miss Universe Australia Laura Dundovic is auctioning herself off - for charity, of course.
Posted by Jess McGuire at 9:22 AM on August 14, 2008
Alright, folks. Not only do I have a "hot concert tip" for folks living in Melbourne / Adelaide / Brisbane / Princess Mary's hometown / Sydney, but I'm rather chuffed to be able to offer you a great song to download for nothing. Nada. Zilch. My kinda prices.
Very subtly over the past year, I've been dropping the name Lilith Lane around these parts. Why? Because she is bloody ace, that's why.
Perhaps you would like to listen and decide for yourself? Very well. Right click and download 'Winter' right now, please.
And while you're listening, here's The Age's review for the record.
Would you like to know more about this sultry songstress?
Posted by Jess McGuire at 9:17 AM on August 14, 2008
Today's Clip Of The Day is courtesy of our darling Associate Editor Clem, who sent this to me yesterday in an email titled 'WTF cup stacking?' which simply contained a link to a YouTube video and the words "Did anyone else know this was a "sport"? And how does she make her hands move so fast??"
No, and I have no idea.
BUT IT IS AMAZING.
Posted by Jess McGuire at 8:59 AM on August 14, 2008
Being Pauline Hanson isn't easy. Sure, thousands of Antipodeans - uncomfortable by the presence of an Asian section in their local supermarket - think of her as a strong, courageous type, a woman who was unafraid to throw political correctness, charisma, and eloquence out the window in order to put forward her astounding What's With Slanty Eyed Foreigners? argument during her maiden speech to federal parliament back in the heady days of the mid-nineties. But is the lingering kudos from Mr and Mrs Hick McRedneck enough to keep Pauline warm during these cold, lonely nights?
(Pauline Hanson has) confirmed she has been "casually" approached by Channel Seven to star in her own dating show in the tradition of Nine's mega-hit A Farmer Wants A Wife.
We apologise for being a little behind the gun on this clip from Friday's Jimmy Kimmel Live!, but we'd hate for the week to go by without acquainting you with It-Boy Ascendant James Franco, and his lovely stories from the set of Gus Van Sant's Milk. With a rough-sex outline Scotch-taped between the third and fourth pages of the shooting script, Franco quickly realised he was in for the Crisco-assisted ride of a lifetime—but it's this born raconteur's rubber-member reminiscences that really won us over. Enjoy, with someone you love.
After a brief, fruitful detour into Crazytown, pop starlet Britney Spears appeared to be on the mend: first there was the How I Met Your Mother cameo, then a sanity-spurred decline in baiting the paparazzi, then even a self-mocking MTV promo taped with Russell Brand! Things seemed to be going so well that we hardly batted an eye when OK! announced that Spears would be granting them her first interview in two years (after memorably storming out of her last encounter with the magazine).
Kendra Wilkinson's unofficial Olive Garden shilldom — which has yielded both a viral blast of OG love from the Playboy Mansion's doorstep and the resulting "Girls of Oiive Garden" pictorial featured on Playboy's Web site — took an even less tasteful turn today when the restaurant chain publicly kept its distance in The Wall Street Journal. Not that we'd emphasise that part of the story over the bigger news that Kendra Fucking Wilkinson has a WSJ etching, of course, but still — we're kind of proud of the "rogue brand ambassador"'s unwelcome spunk on behalf of a joint that deserves so little in the first place:
Take a good look at that Tropic Thunder poster. Go past the glossy, airbrushed photos of the film's many stars, past the lush jungle setting, past the fiery explosions, and you might notice something. See there? Down at the bottom? It says "Screenplay by Ben Stiller & Justin Theroux, and Etan Cohen." Sure, other more "legitimate" media outlets may give all the ink to those first two dudes, but here at Defamer we like to dig a little deeper. Just who is this Etan Cohen fellow and how did he get roped in to working on the biggest comedy of the summer? Stick around after the jump to hear one of Hollywood's newest writing stars dish the dirt about meeting Tom Cruise for the first time, what it feels like to suddenly have people kissing your arse, and why you shouldn't be offended by all that Simple Jack stuff.
Sean "Diddy" Combs is a lover, not a fighter. Sure, he has to call out "bitchasses" from time to time, but who doesn't? No, what the rap impresario would really like to do is curl up on the couch with a nice, Hancock-loving lady and watch some Olympics — and it was the latter interest that prompted the crew at New York's Daily Intel to ask, "Diddy, if there were a new Olympic sport you could excel at, what would it be?"
Sarandon's Trail (Mix) of Terror: Scurrilous pinko firebrand Susan Sarandon was reportedly implicated over the weekend in a sweep by authoriities at the All Points West music and arts festival in Jersey City, N.J. A witness on the scene at Liberty State Park described the Academy Award-winning actress as being on line treacherously laying in wait with husband and accomplice Tim Robbins when — and we quote — "security guards confiscat[ed] trail mix from [her] purse while she waited in the VIP line." Sarandon was said to have then escaped with Robbins into the maw of the crowd, which closed in solidarity behind her as headliner Jack Johnson strummed a mellow plea for her pursuers to let her go. She remains at large, travelling between New York and LA; you are urged to notify police immediately if you see her and/or her trail mix in public. [NYP]
The day's fastest-spreading casting rumour intrigues as much for its potential for on-screen carnage as its requisite off-screen tragedy: The man who originated Freddy Krueger in A Nightmare on Elm Street has Billy Bob Thornton pegged to portray the razor-fingered villain in a planned remake. Robert Englund doesn't sound too upset about it, either, informing JoBlo that the Michael Bay-produced reimagining would treat Wes Craven's original with the hacky, high-gloss dignity it deserved 25 years ago. Englund stopped short of suggesting he'd join the film, of course, lest he subject himself to Thornton's infamous scythe-handling clumsiness.
· George Clooney gets back to what he does best—terrorism, law firms, and car explosions—by buying the rights to The Challenge, a book about the trial of Osama bin Laden's bodyguard and driver. [Variety]
· Tom Cruise is close to signing on for the lead in The Tourist, a Spyglass remake of 2005 French thriller Anthony Zimmer, about an American abroad made the patsy to flush out a master criminal. Cruise would play the patsy. [Variety]
· Las Vegas parking lot nuisance and prematurely ejected HBO head Chris Albrecht has left his job at IMG sports and entertainment management after just one year of a three-year contract. A "terse" statement blamed an inability to "raise substantial funds." [Variety]
· Chick-flick-plundering network ABC follows up their pilot-order of a The Witches of Eastwick series with another for a show inspired by Maid In Manhattan. [THR]
· Lionsgate has purchased scripts from screenwriting duo Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain for Conan and Amazon, with Scarlett Johansson attached to star in the latter. Open casting call for 3-foot-tall mainland extras to follow. [THR]
While many actors view publicity tours as a necessary evil for promoting their projects, Paris Hilton always struck us as a different breed: the sort of celebrity who makes intermittent, half-hearted screen appearances simply so she'll be able to discuss something, anything on Letterman's couch. However, it now appears that even Paris has her limits. After declining self-promotion for the first time in her life, TMZ reports that she's being sued for it:
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Coverperson: Reality TV Transgender Acceptance Alert! Proving itself once again to be at the forefront of social progress, the competitive reality genre has taken a giant leap forward by selecting its first (openly) transsexual contestant: America's Next Top Model's new season will feature 22-year-old aspiring model Isis, who describes herself as "a woman born physically male." It's a decision GLAAD calls "an unprecedented opportunity for a community that is underrepresented on television." We here at Defamer would like to voice our own wholehearted approval, so long as host Tyra Banks promises to resist using the phrase "smile with your phantom balls" at the judging panel. [Us]
If the recent VMAs promo made you wonder "Who's the Brit next to Brit-Brit?", then meet Russell Brand. We asked the British funnyman (and Forgetting Sarah Marshall star) to sit down with us in an effort to prove his pop culture bona fides before hosting the VMAs on September 7. Already a famous ladykiller in the U.K., can Brand prove equally charming as the emcee of MTV's biggest event? We solicited his thoughts on Miley Cyrus, Christian Bale, and hermaphrodite presidents in a bid to find out.
Hints abound today that the wheels may be coming off the souped-up Dark Knight bandwagon — and not just at the box office, where some estimates have Tropic Thunder usurping the top spot this weekend. TDK's sweeping cultural influence may be in jeopardy as well, with its Greatest! Movie! Ever! status now reduced to a nonsensical three-way tie at IMDB and a pair of formidable opponents shaping up across town at Camp Iron Man. In case you missed it, Robert Downey Jr. has already resorted to dramatic efforts of Batsabotage ("Didn't get it, still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character and in the end they need him to be a bad guy. ... You know what? F-ck DC comics"), and now jealousy-inspiring actor/screenwriter Justin Theroux has enlisted exactly the kind of metaphorical bitchslap we'd expect from his soaring geekcake talent:
With Tropic Thunder —the product of Ben Stiller's harrowing journey into the heart of retarded darkness— storming multiplexes today, the film's stars are going into promotional hyperdrive. And nothing sells your movie more than some old-fashioned controversy—particularly one in which you're accused of being insensitive to the disabled. (Semitic advocacy groups, meanwhile, surprised everyone by seeing nothing objectionable in Tom Cruise's minstrelsy, Jewface performance.) On the GMA hotseat today was Stiller and co-star Jack Black, both of whom calmly explained that in matters of insensitivity and bodily function, context is everything; framed by the movie's central comedic conceit of actorly self-indulgence, then, not a single dropped R-bomb or ass-bomb should be considered anything other than purely satirical.
What better après-puff-piece aperitif to follow the NY Times's profile of a content-hungry Time Warner than Portfolio's equally attentive servicing of NBC Universal oligarch, Jeff Zucker? Interviewed at his ballroom-sized corner office at 30 Rock, the reporter at first can't resist infantilizing his subject: "Zucker has an appealing, ruddy tint that lends him a cherubic appearance," reads one willies-inducing passage. "When he sits back, his feet actually lift off from the floor a bit, like a boy taking a turn on someone else's throne." (We'll assume the part that read, "He then soils his diaper, a mess quickly attended to by the youngest and prettiest of his three assistants..." was edited for space.)
Talk about your viral websites: in an apparent bid to piggyback off the infamous menage a trois in the upcoming Scarlett Johansson film Vicky Cristina Barcelona, scarlettjohansson.com is offering two lucky readers to join the starlet in what is being advertised as a "smoking-hot threesome." While the site's heavy reliance on capital letters and free downloads from Font Freak leads us to believe that it's operating without Johansson's official consent, we'll excerpt its breathless offer and let you be the judge:
Add another "maybe" to our speculation about Joel Silver's future at Warner Bros.: Reports today indicate that the slumping superproducer is shopping around Guy Ritchie's Rocknrolla, a Dark Castle project scheduled for release by WB in October. Maybe. Now Lionsgate and Sony are supposedly in talks to pick up the action/crime thriller lest Warners overextend itself this fall with titles inherited from New Line (Pride and Glory), Picturehouse (The Women) and Warner Independent (Slumdog Millionaire, Towelhead).
· This has got to be some kind of new low: Join in the fun as Tori Spelling's party guests crowd into the bathroom to watch husband Dean McDermott try out the new features on their high-tech wondercrapper. You'll be glad you did! [
We apologise for being a little behind the gun on this clip from Friday's Jimmy Kimmel Live!, but we'd hate for the week to go by without acquainting you with It-Boy Ascendant James Franco, and his lovely stories from the set of Gus Van Sant's Milk. With a rough-sex outline Scotch-taped between the third and fourth pages of the shooting script, Franco quickly realised he was in for the Crisco-assisted ride of a lifetime—but it's this born raconteur's rubber-member reminiscences that really won us over. Enjoy, with someone you love.
With Tropic Thunder —the product of Ben Stiller's harrowing journey into the heart of retarded darkness— storming multiplexes today, the film's stars are going into promotional hyperdrive. And nothing sells your movie more than some old-fashioned controversy—particularly one in which you're accused of 
