Saturday, August 9, 2008
Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
11:10AM STV | ·It’s never too late to wish Manoj a happy 38th birthday! ·Bomb and anthrax threats temporarily made MGM Tower the baddest-arse studio HQ in town. ·A lucky Morgan Freeman escaped a serious car accident with only a broken marriage. ·Alas, Christina Applegate, Bernie Mac and a pair of SYTYCD finalists faced more dire diagnoses. ·Matthew McConaughey’s breakthroughs in placenta husbandry narrowly edged Clay Aiken in the race for the title of Best New Daddy. ·Was TV’s highest-paid star among those accidentally exposed by a clumsy Hollywood madam? ·It was a close call, but Shia’s pinkie will pull through. ·Defamer’s political bureau stayed busy with Gwyneth Paltrow, Paris Hilton and Scarlett Johansson. ·Behold! The Chosen Blobs! ·Pineapple Express started big and will end bigger — kind of like co-star James Franco, if you catch our drift. ·Tropic Thunder RetardGate came and went. ·Meanwhile, Robert Downey Jr. will answer your stupid fucking questions now, sir. Yours, too, Debbie Matenopoulos. ·Drink, Play, F@#K and Puke, Broke, AIDS supplanted The Hobbit as the planet’s most anticipated two-fer. ·RIP Bernie Brillstein.
Which Guest On Last Night’s ‘Chelsea Lately’ Was Caught Doing Blow?
10:50AM Mark Graham | · We spotted this juicy little nugget of gossip just moments before last night’s episode of Chelsea Lately aired on E! last night. One of the show’s staffers maintains a Tumblr called C’est L.A. Vie, in which she often details the mundane things that happen on the show. Yesterday, all that changed when she alleged that someone who was wired with a hot mic was caught doing coke on set. Our handy video clip runs down the list of all the on-camera guests last night’s episode; leave your guesses (and investigative rationale) in the comments! [C'est L.A. Vie] · Our hearts just broke a little — scratch that, a LOT — when we read this anecdote about Life Goes On star Corky and his racist streak. [Byron Crawford] · Chuck Klosterman’s latest Esquire column features a lengthy diatribe on Jennifer Love Hewitt’s left femur (”Love Hewitt’s left thighbone strikes me as unusually long, and I feel like it lacks the convincing self-assurance of her right femur”), which he grades a B+. [Esquire] · Ignore Lindsay Lohan’s nipples for a second and, instead, focus on her mouth. Is she wearing braces? Grillz? Is she chewing tin foil? [Egotastic] · And we know the day is almost over, but here are 88 ways you can enjoy 8/8/08. Our fave? “Call up Eddie Furlong and ask why there are 8 of him to a mile. Then, find out how he’s doing. Let us know.” Guaranteed to be the best list until the 99 ways you can enjoy 9/9/09 comes out next year! [Best Week Ever] More »
Bear Chasers Rejoice As Kathy Griffin And The Woz Call It Quits
10:35AM Defamer Hollywood | All good things must come to an end, and so it goes for comedienne Kathy Griffin and her bearish beau, Apple gazillionaire Steve Wozniak. Sure, we knew this day would eventually come (and that it would most likely be filmed), but you’ll excuse us if we need a moment to compose ourselves before climbing back onto our Segways. In this clip from last night’s My Life on The D-List, Griffin and the Woz start running down the clock on their chemistry while attending an animal benefit known as the Fur Ball (kinda like Woz himself!). Eventually, as midnight approaches, a tiara-clad Griffin must leave the Woz behind, her mascara running as her three loyal assistants turn back into mice and the Woz, sadly, becomes a penniless pumpkin. [Bravo] More »
Bill O’Reilly Devours Conscience-Stricken Movie Blogger
10:10AM STV | Jon Voight’s recent toe-dip into the murky pool of political commentary attracted more than a few piranhas, the hungriest of whom may have been Hollywood Elsewhere’s Jeffrey Wells. And after a July 29 blog item suggested freezing Voight’s career as payback for his public condemnation of Barack Obama (”If I were a producer and I had to make a casting decision about hiring Voight or some older actor who hadn’t pissed me off with an idiotic Washington Times op-ed piece, I might very well say to myself, ‘Voight? Let him eat cake’”), Bill O’Reilly came a-calling last night with a theory about a new Hollywood blacklist against conservatives. While we (and Wells himself, apparently) had hoped for a more bloodthirsty offensive from Wells, we’re endlessly engrossed by his session on Dr. O’Reilly’s couch, elucidating the vengeful feelings inherent to angry industry bloggers everywhere. Seriously, Bill, this is nothing — wait until Oscar season. [Fox News] More »
While You Choke Down Your Ramen, Enjoy This List of Mega-Rich Tween Stars!
9:40AM Defamer Hollywood | There’s money in them thar tweens, and Forbes knows it. The magazine has just published its Rich Tween list, a ranked list of moneymakers who appeal to the elusive eight-to-14 demographic that is like, so over Spongebob. Coming in at #1 with $25 million is Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe, who had middle school playgrounds abuzz with his daring take on Equus (coming to Broadway this fall!). But wait! Could a precocious teen starlet have tied him for the pole position? Where are the Olsens? The Jonases? The High School Musical-ites? More »
Shocker! Katherine Heigl Wants A Baby, Whether Joshua Is Ready Or Not
9:15AM Mark Graham | Ah yes, the dog days of summer. These are the kind of days where nothing sounds finer than sitting ’round the backyard with a few of your closest chums, tossing back a few cold ones and firing up the grill. But this weekend, instead of cooking up some Hebrew Nationals and a few burgers, might we suggest that you bring all the fixins for a nice Dirt Sandwich instead? The ingredients are pretty simple, and you can’t beat the calorie count: all you need is an internet connection, a computer and an internet browser that’s pointed right here. If you have a laptop computer and a WiFi connection then, well, that’s even better. Gather your friends round the warm light of your computer screen and click play. Because nothing says summer time like topless supermodels, a John Stamos marathon make out sesh and Katherine Heigl’s continued emasculation of her husband Joshua. Enjoy! More »
The Top 5 Failed Crossover Attempts by Olympic Stars
8:30AM STV | The 2008 Olympics literally have us 19 ways of excited at Defamer HQ, where we’ve retrofitted our dungeon workspace with one television for each of the NBC channels broadcasting the summer games. But don’t get the wrong idea — we couldn’t care less about the pole vault or women’s rowing. No way. We’re talent scouting, babe, in search of the next Olympian to break through the ranks as a Hollywood star. It’s kind of a ritual around here, really, going waaayyyy back to the days when our old-media ancestors at the Defamer Star-Courier foretold gold-medalist swimmer Johnny Weissmuller’s ascent to fame as Tarzan. More »
Try Mighty McConaughey’s Afterbirth Ale: There’s Real Placenta In Every Drop!
8:10AM Seth | There’s something about Hollywood dads and afterbirth. Unlike Tom Cruise, who greedily pledged to gobble up every last drop of the nutrient-rich biological matter, however, Matthew McConaughey instead told CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta that he has something far eco-friendlier planned for his own son’s: More »
Showering In Jail: A Kiefer Sutherland Reminiscence
7:10AM Seth | So we hit the open warehouse, and let’s just say, if we had $5 million kicking around, we’d have found the ideal windowless converted foundry from which to run our punk rock mini-empire/host all-night after-Junction ragers with a few hundred of our closest neighbourhood drunks. Yes, Kiefer is leaving us, friends. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still check in with him from time to time, albeit in the altogether less intimate arena of nationally televised talk show appearances. On Late Show last night, Kiefer recalled our collective nightmare—his incarceration for a parole-violating DUI—from inside the Glendale City Jail. Explaining that his celebrity status (translation: perky little arse) earned him unwanted attention, the simple act of communal showering became a perilous manoeuvre worthy of Jack Bauer himself, requiring slippery neck-snappings and shivs-to-the-eye if he planned on getting out with his bitch-virginity intact. More »
