August 2, 2008

When Fanboys Attack: A 'Dark Knight' Critic-Death Threat Roundup

Posted by STV at 10:10 AM on August 2, 2008

The backlash to the Dark Knight backlash isn't exactly news — not after two weeks and almost $400 million dollars silencing even the most vehement of the film's critics. But today we direct our attention to the more disturbing phenomenon of physical threats against some of those same critics, a few of whose lives have even been targeted by rogue fanboys with a taste for reviewer blood. We hardly believed it ourselves until an unsettling taxonomy of freaks coming after reviewers Jürgen Fauth and Keith Uhlich showcased the worst of it:

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Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 9:30 AM on August 2, 2008

Is Johnny Depp Set to Celebrate His Unbirthday? Those casting rumors just continue to pile up for the actor, with unconfirmed reports that director Tim Burton has selected him to play the Mad Hatter in his forthcoming 3-D (!) adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. So far, only In Treatment's Mia Wasikowska has been confirmed to star in the megabucks live action/CGI film, but we expect an imminent announcement of Burton's wifely muse Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen of Hearts (even though we'd much rather see the wild-haired actress essay the Cheshire Cat). [The Herald]

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Where Were You When the Quake of '08 Hit? (Don't Answer That, Mark McGrath)

Posted by STV at 9:00 AM on August 2, 2008

When the city shook this week, scattering whole herds of TV paragons from their studios in bug-eyed panic, one institution stood firm: Dirt Sandwich. Better yet, the week's greatest hits in entertainment news saw it all, from Billy Bush's pants-soiling to Mark McGrath's penultimate humiliation as the outgoing host of Extra! to the seismic justice rocking Judge Judy's courtroom. And when the Earth stilled, there were Elizabeth Taylor and Miss USA (among others) to give the aftermath a touch of awkward class. Yes, behold Dirt Sandwich, as assembled by noble Defamer videographer Molly McAleer — monolithic, omniscient, sturdy and altogether delicious. Take a bite, won't you?

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Republicans Hate Celebrities So Much That They Keep Electing Them

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 8:40 AM on August 2, 2008

If there's one class of people that consistently draws the ire of the Republican party, it's celebrities. Perhaps mindful of the fact that all the cool kids in Hollywood vote Democrat, the GOP is forever on the attack against celebrities, their political views, and all they represent, and John McCain's attention-getting "Celebrity" ad is just the latest example. Yessir, there's nothing the Republican party hates more than celebrities.

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Sarah Jessica Parker Project To Contain Near-Lethal Estrogen Levels

Posted by Seth at 7:35 AM on August 2, 2008

· The Ivy Chronicles, a Sarah Jessica Parker project about an "upper-middle-class New York mother" who loses it all, has signed The Devil Wears Prada writer Aline Brosh McKenna take on the screenplay. And we just grew a set of ovaries typing that. [THR]
· The Prince of Persia, Disney's Bruckheimerian take on the popular video game series starring Jake Gyllenhaal as the shirtless, saber-wielding warrior, has been delayed by a full year. Excuse us for one moment, will you? THERE IS. NOOO. GODDDD!!!! OK! Back! [Variety]
· Nicolas Cage and director John Carpenter are close to signing on for Scared Straight, about a wayward teen held hostage during a jail riot who turns to prisoner Cage for a way out. Cage agrees, but not before making the teen his bitch. [THR]
· Thomas Jane will play the lead in HBO's pilot Hung, an hour-long "dark comedy" about a man with an enormous manhood, and all that that implies. And we think you know what we mean. Yes, we thought so. [THR]
· Speaking of ubiquitous Dicks, Dick Wolf's pilot Lost and Found has been picked up by NBC. It involves law enforcement and crime-solving of some kind. [Variety]

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BREAKING: Nikki Blonsky Injured, Arrested in Brutal Luggage-Defense Melee

Posted by STV at 7:10 AM on August 2, 2008


Word just over the Defamer transom reveals that Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky and her father were arrested after an airport brawl that left the Golden Globe-nominated actress in a neck brace. Reportedly, on a stopover in Turks and Caicos during her long flight from Long Island sweets-slinger to pugilist diva, both Nikki and Pa Blonsky went to war rather than move their luggage for an unnamed woman. More details — including a cameo by an America's Next Top Model contestant(!) — after the jump.

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How I Popped My Moby: Adventures In Oversharing

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 6:40 AM on August 2, 2008

Would you pay $150 to see a "weird, bald man," as KCRW radio host Nic Harcourt lovingly described Moby at a fundraiser last night for KCRW at the Malibu Performing Arts Center for the experimental station? Well, a few hundred people had no qualms with the "Little Idiot," as Moby likes to call himself, and shelled out big bucks in the name of sustaining their favourite local radio station.

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'Hills' Star Audrina Finds Her Product Placement Blog Overwhelmed By Cringe-Inducing Comments

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 6:20 AM on August 2, 2008

Free from the vapid small talk she's forced to spout on MTV's The Hills, co-star Audrina Patridge finally has her own blog, a forum where she can finally unfetter her voice and speak from the depths of her very soul ("First I use the Dermalogica face cleanser, then the toner, and then Active Moist the moisturizer!"). In between pitching skin care products and admonishing paparazzi for spying on her (then using those pictures on her blog with a Splash photo credit), Patridge operates an advice column called "Ask Audrina," where the boring sample questions are quickly outshone by the icky, feeble requests from the comments section:

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Mindy Kaling's Misadventures in Ethnic Stereotypes Have 'em Rolling at 'Letterman'

Posted by STV at 6:05 AM on August 2, 2008

Our hearts go out today to Mindy Kaling, the Office co-writer/producer/star who last night confronted the indignity of Indian-American typecasting in a wrenching appearance on Letterman. That said, to the extent we acknowledge her Emmy-nominated prime-time offerings over the last few years, we also think it best for everyone's sake that her call-centre appearance in Baby Mama — complete with accent admittedly lifted from The Simpsons' Apu — found its way to history's dustbin with no more damage than it caused during last night's broadcast. We guess we can all laugh about it now, but hear the full, traumatizing story after the jump. Stay strong, Mindy. [CBS]

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'Last Comic Standing' Audience Terrorized By Dane Cook Cloning Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 5:40 AM on August 2, 2008

In a startling example of accidental domestic terrorism, the CDC announced today a major breach of its "Dane Cook Cloning" program, begun in 1997 when weaponized anthrax was found "simply not annoying enough." Clone DC-01 escaped his holding cell two weeks ago (distinguishable from his progenitor only by his tattooed sleeves), finally appearing in public to try his hand at terrible, terrible stand-up comedy during last night's episode of Last Comic Standing. The experiment was a success. We are all doomed. [NBC]

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All-New Brie-Flavored Jolie Blobs Coming to Market!

Posted by STV at 5:20 AM on August 2, 2008

Go ahead and cancel whatever plans you have Sunday afternoon: People Magazine announced today that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's most recent celebrated offspring will make their photographic debut on the rag's Web site Aug. 3 at 4 p.m. PDT. "We're thrilled to be able to feature these pictures in People," the magazine's managing editor Larry Hackett said in a statement to the AP. "They will delight our readers who have followed the growth of the Jolie-Pitt family."

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What Bitch On Wheels Publicist Is Rosie Perez Affecting On 'Lipstick Jungle?'

Posted by Seth at 5:01 AM on August 2, 2008

We know we gave Rosie Perez a hard time for her little Seth Rogaine gaffe on the Late Show the other week, but we kid because we love—and have since we first glimpsed her beating the shit out of the Do The Right Thing credits to "Fight the Power." On The Tonight Show last night, Jay Leno inquired as to the inspiration for her bitch-on-wheels flack character on Lipstick Jungle. As it turns out, the creation is based on a very real woman who wouldn't hesitate to plunge a pen in an eye and let the chain-attached clipboard dangle from the hollowed socket if it meant keeping a pushy gatecrasher out of an A-list-only event. Any guesses as to the Satanic flack's identity? [The Tonight Show]

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Verne Troyer Accuses Sex Tape Partner of Unsolicited Dwarf Tossing

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 4:20 AM on August 2, 2008

Allow us to recap the long, strange saga of Verne Troyer and his live-in girlfriend Ranae Shrider: first, there was the sex tape. Then, there were the accusations and overly detailed explanations of the erstwhile Mini-Me's sexual prowess. Now Troyer is accusing Shrider of assaulting him in ways that will no doubt give Mike Myers some new ideas for Austin Powers 4. Says TMZ:

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Let The Wild Rumpus Start: Michelle Williams Comforted By Spike Jonze's Quirky Touch

Posted by Seth at 3:59 AM on August 2, 2008

She may be unable to share with her child's father the spoils of his critically spoojed-upon turn in what is well on its way towards becoming the highest-grossing movie of all time ($14 billion on Tuesday alone!), but all is not dark for Michelle Williams. The actress has reportedly found comfort in the arms of Torrance Community Dance Group captain Spike Jonze. The Daily Mail has been keeping a respectful distance from their blossoming love:

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The Few, The Brave, The 12 Percent: Meet the Critics Who Recommend 'The Mummy 3'

Posted by STV at 3:40 AM on August 2, 2008


What is a loud, developmentally disabled summer action blockbuster to do when even Hollywood's biggest quote-whore critic won't endorse it? That's the dilemma facing The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, which, at this time Thursday, was packing a 0% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. What a difference a day makes, however, with a glint of support finally peeking through the mounting opprobrium. In the spirit of fairness and equal time, after the jump we salute some of the independent thinkers and/or drunks brave enough to stand up for Rob Cohen's crapterpiece — even including a Pulitzer Prize winner!

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In Unorthodox Bid For Thin Mints, Joan Rivers Calls Women 'Whores' At Girl Scouts Fundraiser

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 3:18 AM on August 2, 2008

Where does a 75-year-old comedienne go after being banished from British TV for cussing out Russell Crowe? Well, if you're Joan Rivers, you pick your filthy mouth up off the floor and move on to the next logical place for your brand of blue humor: a Girl Scout fundraiser in Orlando, Florida.

Rivers was there as the entertainment as the Citrus Council saluted "Women of Distinction." But Joan evidently didn't distinguish herself with some attendees at the Wednesday night function at Rosen Centre Hotel. We hear that she dropped the f-bomb frequently, called women "whores" repeatedly and sounded off on what the Girls Scouts didn't teach girls.

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Michael Bay To Incorporate Shia LaBeouf's Injuries Into Newly Retitled 'Transformers 2: Rise Of The Finger-Splinticons'

Posted by Seth at 2:33 AM on August 2, 2008

First came news from the Sheriff's Department that Shia LeBeouf was not the one responsible for his spectacular accident in Hollywood early Sunday morning. But surely he was not to be forgiven—pitied, maybe, as he underwent emergency hand surgery to restore his Echo Parque gang-sign-delivery capabilities—but not forgiven, for the police stated the actor "exhibiting obvious signs of intoxication." Not so, says his Transformers: Rise of the Fallen Machines director Michael Bay, who's convinced of Shia's innocence, and tells Access Hollywood he'll be writing his injuries into the plot:

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August Blahs Hit Hard as Scummy 'Mummy' Threatens Bat-Superiority

Posted by STV at 2:05 AM on August 2, 2008


Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to new hits, misses and dead ends this weekend at the movies — and considering our sudden passage into the August filmgoing doldrums, we could use all the guidance we can get. Still, Batman's dark shadow stretches into its second week while another, stinkier franchise will do all it can to vanquish The Dark Knight at the box office. Meanwhile, we fear for Kevin Costner, have a film-festival darling in mind for this week's Underdog pick, and have a bleary-eyed glance at the latest DVD releases as well. As usual, our opinions are our own, but they're also essentially failsafe, so read them and weep! Literally!

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