Oh Sam Newman, you incorrigible rogue, you!

The beleaguered Footy Show star has stepped in it again, though this time he claims he had no idea he'd said something naff. And not only that, but he was "horrified" to think that anyone could've misinterpreted what he'd said about Tasmanian MP Paula Wriedt.

[T]he controversial Newman asked: "We couldn't get her on, could we?"

The remark sparked a raucous reaction from the audience and panel, before Newman continued: "Worthy of coming on, her."

The comments immediately drew the ire of co-host James Brayshaw, who berated Newman telling him: "Sam you cannot say that."

[...]

After Newman's aside co-host James Brayshaw was clearly upset and took the former Geelong star player to task several times.

Newman then became defensive and said it was a genuine slip of the tongue.

Co-host Garry Lyon sided with Newman, but news reporter Craig Hutchison appeared unhappy with the comments, saying "that's disgraceful".

Newman accused his co-hosts of misinterpreting his meaning.

Well, at least this time the co-hosts called him out.

Perhaps this is like that horror movie where the person gets a hand transplant, and they're evil hands, and they kill people against the body's will? Maybe Sammy got a sexist scalpel left inside him when he had surgery, and it's making him say bad things. Is that right, Sam?

Here's one for those of you who think success is necessarily only facilitated by television and movies: an expat Australian actress took an odd call from her agency and her digitised form will now be seen by bazillions (note: may not actually be scientifically proven statistic) of gamers.

Welcome to the darkened bedrooms and LAN parlours of the world, Michelle Van Der Water!

The 30-year-old has scored an unique role as the heroine in the fifth instalment of hit video game Resident Evil, which will be released in October.

Makers of the horror game, set in Africa, have used Van Der Water as the model for Sheva Alomar, an agent who handles firearms and is involved in hand-to-hand combat. Alomar is also the partner of the main character.

For the part, Van Der Water had to be photographed dressed up in outfits with guns and firearms.

The digitised end product looks very much like her, she said.

"It was very exciting... I was pretty pleased," Van Der Water said from Los Angeles today. "It came out really well."

Michelle is onto a good thing here, as much as most will shrug and say "so what?" Geek fame is the best fame of all - it's everlasting.

If Galaxy Quest has taught me anything, it means that, so long as you don't piss off the faithful, you can go to comic-cons and open shopping centres and discount computer retailers for the rest of your natural life!

As much as I love Our Kylie, I've always been of the opinion that Dannii has released some corker tracks (Put The Needle On It? Genius!) that were unfairly overlooked if only because her sister had become a publicity maelstrom that left no room for 'the other Minogue' to succeed.

That, however, could possibly be a thing of the past, with Dannii apparently being picked up by a powerful US talent agency with dollar signs going round and round in their eyeballs plans to make her a star.

While Kylie's recent attempt to break into the tough US market collapsed with a splat, a British newspaper is reporting Dannii has signed with high-powered Hollywood talent agency William Morris and is being groomed for stardom.

The star, 36, is said to have all the right credentials to hit the big time across the pond and is even thought to have a chance at bagging her own show.

"Dannii has the body, the hair, the teeth and the boobs to make it in America," a source told The Sun newspaper.

Right. Well, go Dannii, eh? That's some high praise if ever I read it!

Although... all it takes is teeth and boobs, then? Sign me up for orthodontics and a push-up bra, Hollywood and Vine here I come!

It's been a great few days in the world of Australia's favourite carrier, Qantas, and it looks like it's the week that just won't quit! Now, a woman charged with causing a ruckus on a Qantas flight has blamed her bad behaviour on the flight staff, who - if we are to believe her - were, shall we say, generous with the drinks cart.

A MELBOURNE woman penalised $1000 for offences on a Qantas flight says she was served 20 glasses of champagne and other alcohol after take-off.

Bronwyn Streader's lawyer yesterday told a court that she drank the champagne, two glasses of red wine and a gin and tonic while on medication.

Defence solicitor Alex Lewenberg said Streader, 30, is a human rights and refugee activist in Japan who has a doctorate from a Sydney university on Japanese culture and life.

"When I fly Qantas economy I'm lucky to get three glasses of orange juice, but if you're blonde and good looking you get 20 glasses of champagne," Mr Lewenberg said.

She was nicked for interfering with a crewmember, smoking (presumably in the dunnies) and refusing to wear a seatbelt when the little light was on.

But if she really did put away a Boon-esque drinks menu on her flight, they're lucky smoking in the toilet was all she did - you probably wouldn't have blinked had she shoved her way into the cockpit, said, "Don't mind me, gentlemen, we're taking this bus to fairyland!" and then wet her pants while crying, "But why was The Notebook so saaad?" - or something like that.

· Did we say we were done with earthquake stories? We lied. Shake it, Judge Judy! (And Judge Penny, whoever you are.) [Access Hollywood]
· Were three dimensions not enough for you to enjoy the dead-eyed zombie children delights of The Polar Express? Well, all aboard! TOOT! TOOT! The Polar Express 4-D Experience is on its way. What does the additional D get you? "Upon your arrival at the North Pole...it actually begins to snow inside the 4-D Special FX Theatre and when the conductor sings 'Hot Chocolate' and the dancing waiters begin to pour, the audience can smell the delightful aroma of every cocoa cup!'" [NY Post]
· Despite a hospitalization, Elizabeth Taylor's flack insists she is nowhere near death: "Her hospital visit was precautionary. She will be returning home shortly. At present, she is surrounded by family, friends and fabulous jewels." And Pepperoni & Bacon Pizza Pops—her favourite. [ET Online]
· All hail Siaosi Tupou V, Tonga's new king! [Yahoo/AFP]
· Posters for The Canadian Filmmakers Festival feature some fine Canuckistanian send-ups of classic film images. [Super Punch]

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Good news for the beleaguered Hollywood paparazzi: LAPD Chief William Bratton opposes a new proposal to place restrictions on particularly aggressive photographers. In fact, he took time out of his daily workout to tell KNBC that the problem lies not with the paparazzi but with the bad girls they photograph — a salient point made amusing by Bratton's brusque verbiage and up-to-the-minute starlet savvy (preserved on video after the jump):

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Bless 'em to bits - Splash News have a delightfully heartwarming collection of snaps starring Naomi Watts and her little fellow Alexander wandering around the streets of New York. If you're in an oddly clucky place right now, you may find yourself flinging your contraceptive pills out the window and wildly stabbing your stash of condoms with a pin. Which is completely irresponsible and will result in you having a Mia Farrow-like brood of bairns, so DON'T CLICK HERE. You've been warned.

And now, we promise: our very last earthquake anecdote, courtesy of reliable Hollywood lech James Woods. The former Shark star was climbing into his red SUV outside Joan's on Third when the fearsome 5.4 earth-shaker began. Then, says Page Six:

"He held tight to his door handle as some Beverly Hills ladies lunching outside held onto the table," our spy said. "When it was over, this gal with a pair of fake boobies the size of the Hollywood Hills blurted, 'Oh my God! Did you feel the earth move? Did you feel that?' Woods responded, 'Ah, so it was good for you too, my dear?' "

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For absolutely no reason the other day, I began remembering a happier time when Robbie Williams ruled the world with his swingin' Bi-Lo Sinatra style, gazillion pound record deals, and a happy and productive relationship with songwriting partner Guy Chambers.

And then I remembered the original song the pair wrote for Robbie's insanely successful 'Swing When You're Winning' record called 'I Will Talk And Hollywood Will Listen'.

And I recalled those stirring words in the chorus I will talk and Hollywood will listen/See them bow at my every word and how, for a brief moment, it seemed almost possible that Robbie could take his hugely successful schtick and actually make it in the notoriously difficult US music scene.

Things didn't quite work out that way though, did they?

Given their Facebook history, I would have thought that a clean break up between Olympic swimmers Stephanie Rice and Eamon Sullivan would have simply involved updating their respective relationship statuses to "Single" or, if still slightly hopeful for a brighter future, "It's Complicated Until After The Games". Nevertheless, this bizarrely gripping (it must be gripping someone, somewhere, surely? It's certainly getting column inches) split is apparently still news and Steph has spoken to the press about how effortless her transition from loved up half of an athletically gifted couple to single lass-about-Beijing-town has been.

World record holder Stephanie Rice today said the decision for her and Eamon Sullivan to split was not a tough one on the eve of the Olympics. Speaking at the Australian team's training camp in Kuala Lumpur, Rice said she had been surprised her personal life had been getting so much attention in the media.

"It wasn't a tough decision. We made the decision because of the Olympics, so getting so much attention is something we are just going to push aside,'' Rice said. "The whole reason that we decided to have a bit of a break was because of the Olympics.

"Media talking about it is a little bit draining. But at the same time we both know that we made this decision because of Olympics and being such elite athletes and professionals that we want to do what's best for us.''

Yes, for a couple who allegedly parted ways in order to stay focused on their upcoming performances in the pool during the Olympics, they've spent more time out of the water blabbing about their relationship to eager journalists than I would have perhaps liked.

KEEP TRAINING AND SHUT YOUR PIE HOLES! WE WANT GOLD GOLD GOLD FOR AUSTRALIA!

Actually, I couldn't care less about the Olympics right now, but I'm sure once the bloody thing starts I'll become a rabid flag-wearing bogan sports nut. Because the Olympics is a magical time where every couch enthusiast somehow becomes an expert on sports they've never participated in ("That hoof totally landed in the water! Call this dressage? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHIIIIIIIIIT!") and that's why we love it so.

Gracious, the bad press just keeps on being flung in the direction of Qantas. We don't mean to take the piss out of the flying kangaroo, and coincidentally, Qantas don't seem to want to take the piss out of passengers.

A Qantas customer was forced to urinate in a sick bag after the airline refused to let passengers out of their seats during an extended landing.

And here's a dramatic quote if ever I've read one.

"There was a lady behind me screaming, 'I have to go to the toilet' and then I saw a man doing his business in one of the airline sick bags."

Oh, come on. We've all screamed our lavatory needs out loud after a particularly lengthy flight, and if you're prepared to tell me you've never urinated in an airline sick bag, I'll call you a liar to your face.

You know what? Call me a fool, but I find it very hard to believe that a topless photo allegedly of Jess from The Veronicas (which has appeared online thanks to saucy website Fleshbot) is actually for real.

The Secret Life of The Veronicas was exposed yesterday - literally - after raunchy pictures of a girl believed to be one of the pop twins were splashed over an international porn site.

In a controversial scenario reminiscent of the recent sex scandals which soiled the reputations of US teen queens Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus, steamy shots of Jess Origliasso have been posted on porn website Fleshbot.com.

Cementing her status as the wilder of the two siblings, Jess - identified by her distinctive tattoo on her bare upper back - is pictured with a suggestive expression in the sepia-toned image.

A second picture, showing a Jess lookalike in a topless pose, is also posted on the site though a spokeswoman for The Veronicas stopped short of confirming the secondary topless shot was actually the Origliasso twin.

And you know why I doubt it? Because the girl in the second pic is blessed with a fairly mad set of cans, and I find it difficult to believe that Jess Origliasso has been walking around with those puppies on her tiny frame and we've never noticed.

Still, it will be interesting to see if her "peeps" issue an official denial. Maybe the photos were taken by MTV star Ruby Rose? Ha, I'm just kidding - but if that were ever proven to be true, I'd imagine brains would be exploding with lesbian loving glee around the News Ltd offices.

Anyway, if you follow this incredibly NOT SAFE FOR WORK link to Fleshbot.com, you can see the potentially famous mammaries in question.

In browsing What Would Don Draper Do? yesterday —your one-stop Tumblr shop for tips, advice, and musings from everyone's favourite Sterling Cooper jr. partner/secret whore-child—it suddenly occurred to us that there are few people, fictional or real, whose loafers we'd more rather slip into. You know—just to see how it felt to be Donald Draper, shtupping his Jewess department-store-heiress mistress on the side. Which got us further thinking—what other iconic TV characters would we like to be, or do, or maybe both be and do? We left it to the capable hands of Defamer videosmith Molly McAleer to compile this ultimate Top Ten Countdown of TVs Coolest Cats. We're sure you'll agree that each in his own way demonstrated consistent grace under fire, panty-moistening sex appeal, and more cool that a seal hunt in December. And yes, we're well-aware that we left off many of your favorites; that was intentional, as this is the definitive Cool Cat list. Feel free to contribute your own nominees and clips in the comments. In the meantime, take it away, Parker Lewis!

Viewers who tuned in Wednesday to Late Night With Conan O'Brien were treated to very special vacation slideshow by Mummy 3 star Maria Bello, who, during a recent visit to China, skipped the Great Wall and the Forbidden City in exchange for the more fantastic tour of Misconceived Bathroom Placards. It's not just the mangled English ("handicapped" = "deformed") and malaprops that make the show-and-tell special, however. Just take a moment to enjoy O'Brien's play-by-play, abetted by headlining guest Kevin Costner's awkward sidekick chuckle, after the jump. If it's not enough to make you forget Andy Richter, it's at least enough to make you forget this man once won an Academy Award. In any case, we genuinely wouldn't mind if they revived this segment every week. [NBC]

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After all of Hollywood weighed in on the new McCain "Celebrity" ad (well, Britney's publicists and Fake Paris Hilton, at least), it was only natural to turn to the ladies of The View for the last word. Unfortunately, that last word is shrieked, shouted, and stomped to death as Whoopi Goldberg and Elisabeth Hasselbeck spar over the ad with such vitriol that View producers were no doubt tempted to drag the split-screen out of mothballs. Enjoy this delightful screaming match after the jump as Whoopi yells "Don't go there!" at a booed, sulking Elisabeth (while Sherri Shepherd gets out nothing but a delightfully chirped "Ludacris!").

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The Golden Age of Villainy may be upon us. Between the accolades and eventual Oscar for Javier Bardem's singular evildoer in No Country For Old Men and the virtual repeat of the same cycle this year for Heath Ledger's Joker, no prospect stokes A-list egos these days quite like a chance to OD on wretchedness. Sony has enough confidence in the era to have undertaken development on the Spider-Man spinoff Venom, a full-length riff on Topher Grace's enemy from Spider-Man 3 that, naturally, will be recast with someone likelier to open a blockbuster.

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· With New Line but a shadowy shingle of its former self, Billion Dollar Director Brett Ratner is packing up the Rat Entertainment boxes and moving onto the Paramount lot to marinate in soulmentor Bob Evans's pungent creative vapors. He pledges to no one in particular, "I will not be pitching art films. I want to make mainstream tentpole projects." [Variety]
· The End of Ideas: King of All Media Edition: Howard Stern is producing a remake of Rock 'n' Roll High School to be written by Alex "Bill & Ted" Winters. [Variety]
· Discovery Channel is launching a reality show that will attempt to execute many of Leonardo Da Vinci's conceptualized inventions, either sending contestants soaring on the winds of 16th Century innovation, or plunging to their bat-winged-flying-contraption deaths. [THR]
· The Dark Knight nudges Warner Bros. profits overseas past the $1 billion mark. [THR]
· Sam Raimi will direct The Transplants for Disney, details of which they're staying vague about save that it's a "four-quadrant ensemble superhero story with a comedic bent," each a vaguely horrifying ethnic stereotype. [THR]

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A clearly flailing John McCain has just released his new Obama attack ad and boy, is it a doozy! Employing a risky "Obama is awesome...but is he too awesome?" strategy that seems designed to fail, McCain calls Obama "the biggest celebrity in the world" (because if there's one thing America hates, it's celebrities) and plays footage of Obama's massive rallies and beatific smile that could have come from an Obama b-roll itself. The only signs that something is amiss are the split-second shots of Britney and Paris spliced into the ad — inclusions that have baffled the reps for both washed-up celebutantes. Says the Huffington Post:

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Depressing Celebrity Snapshot of the Day: Photographers caught a glimpse of Paul Newman on an excursion this week in New York. The good news: He is still getting around after reports of his terminal lung cancer hit last month. The bad news: His condition appears to have worsened, with the 83-year-old actor in a wheelchair, looking his frailest yet. Continued best wishes to him and his family. That is all. [Daily Mail]

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Stopping by Late Show to drum up interest in Pineapple Express, James Franco admitted to David Letterman that this was only his second-ever experience on a talk show. The first was two years ago, when he appeared on The Tony Danza Show: A lightly surreal daytime chatfest hosted by everyone's favourite Who's The Boss-star and guido savante, it relied perhaps a little too heavily on ill-conceived gimmicks and stunts. (The Plinkoesque call-in trivia game Extravadanza immediately pops to mind.) Sure enough, learning that Franco played a boxer in a "horrible movie" he refrains from naming (Annapolis! It was Annapolis!), Danza challenged him first to a push-up contest, and, after Franco politely rejected that offer, a Hook-the-Ring decathalon event that still induces involuntarily facial-twitching and regular nightmares of Danza's "I'm the Lord of the Ring-Hookers!" victory dance.

• Late Show

You're nobody in this town until you've been ripped off, and even then you're just a little more bitter nobody until an actual, attributable success comes along. According to a profile today in indieWIRE, director Alex Holdridge can finally lay claim to both stages in his accelerating career arc: His funny, lyrical LA romance In Search of a Midnight Kiss opens theatrically tomorrow in New York (Aug. 22 in Los Angeles), several years after a less-auspicious development left him burned at the Sony gates.

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Though Steve Carell is a perennial Emmy nominee for his work on The Office, he's never taken home a trophy of his own (even as the show itself won the Outstanding Comedy Award in 2006). Now, the LAT's easily excitable Tom O'Neill thinks he's nailed the reason why: Carell is just too darn creepy in the role.

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We'd like, if we may, to squeeze one more magazine cover into our When Glossies Attack gallery of unjustly uglified celebrity covergirls—inspired, of course, by a shot of Gossip Girl's Blake Lively taken, apparently, moments after a freak steamroller accident. The Fug Girls point us to this Marie Claire cover, featuring none other than fashion-awkward DUI-haver, Mischa Barton. How she succeeded in landing this cover, with nothing much more to promote than a movie inspired by and starring a faux-lesbian Soviet pop group, is certainly a topic for discussion. However, we'd like to focus for a moment on the photo itself:

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After the unfortunate reception for The Love Guru, it's just too easy to write off New Line's prospective Austin Powers revival (which Mike Myers is reportedly working on for New Line with former series collaborator Mike McCullers) as yet another ill-advised folly belching the black smoke of Myers's career. In fact, taken as merely a part of the larger phenomenon we at Defamer like to call The End of Ideas, the Powers franchise is but a speck of the shit on Hollywood's collective bathroom wall — a tableau diligently studied today by the haz-mat crew at Entertainment Weekly.

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In today's niche-oriented gay world, is there anything that bears, twinks, gipsters (gay hipsters) and the like can all agree on (besides the fact that we totally need a better word than "gipster")? Gay hookup site Manhunt is betting there's at least one figure who can bridge that vast divide, so they've launched a new ad campaign featuring universal gay icon Kathy Griffin — only, according to a sticky press release, they're doing it without her approval:

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Shia LeBeouf continues to recover from hand surgery after some spectacular Bayian stuntwork at the corners of LaBrea and Fountain early Sunday morning, resulting in an overturned pick-up truck, plus a massive fireball after the frazzled actor exhaled a gust of 80-proof breath while trying to light a cigarette. We've already explored his conveniently timed Details interview, in which he spoke freely of hard-partying father-son bonding moments, and his inability "to have one drink." ET has video (above) of the interview, in which he charms a giggly off-camera reporter with flippant observations about his renegade drugstore exploits ("Walgreens is a formidable foe, let me tell you guys right now. It was the battlegrounds of my life. The coliseum where all the rumbles happen."). He also openly longs for a time when "actors were magical. Now that paparazzis are rampant the business is losing the magic a little bit. You always feel like people know too much."

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A new kind of crisis recently befell the Church of Scientology, accusations serious enough to reduce those Suri-sippy-cup and Will Smith Brainwash Academy rumours to mere enturbulatory afterthoughts: An ex-member has filed a $250 million suit against the Church in Florida, invoking federal racketeering statutes generally reserved for the Mafia and other crime syndicates. Even more ambitiously, the suit reportedly names Tom Cruise as a primary conspirator in Scientology's global scheme, which plaintiff Peter Letterese claims to have encompassed threats and harassment of himself and his attorney.

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