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Your Courtesy 'What The Hell Is Going On Now In This MadgeRod CynthRavitz Clusterfuck' Post
Posted by Seth at 5:25 AM on July 10, 2008
We realise it's challenging to keep up with this whole A-Rod/ Madonna/ affair/ divorce/ something-about-Lenny Kravitz business, a convoluted celebrity love-polygon which we wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn also involved Gary Coleman, Eliot Spitzer, and a Coors Light Twin. Still, you wouldn't want to be caught at some swanky dinner party filled with effete liberal elites and not have your talking points straight. Here's a round-up of the latest:
· A personal trainer present at the exact moment Kravitz learned he was embroiled in the primordial tabloid ooze said he "looked like he was going to throw up." The link between he, Madonna, and A-Rod is manager Guy Oseary, who told Kravitz he was going to "pimp out" the singer and Yankee. Whatever that means, Kravitz disapproved of it, and fired the manager a couple weeks later. He claims to have never had an affair with Cynthia Rodriguez; this was just a retaliatory smear campaign. [NY Post]
· A day after his wife filed for divorce, A-Rod sat down with Rabbi Michael Berg, the Kabbalah Centre director, who prescribed inhaling the fumes from one Kabbalah™ brand God-scented incense stick and the uttering of four Hail Moseses for his philandering sins. [People]
· As far back as six months ago, Rodriguez was sitting at a restaurant exchanging text messages with Madonna, telling his anonymous dining companion, that he was "in love with her." A couple months later, he told the same friend, "'She's my f—king soulmate, dude.'" The friend couldn't recall any other things he might have said, but that "another $50,000 might jog my memory." [usmagazine.com]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
CourageousCoward
Posted 6:22 AM 10/7/08
@gwendolyn: I think it loosely translates to, "O brother, where art thou?"
CourageousCoward
el smrtmnky
Posted 6:16 AM 10/7/08
@gwendolyn: *snort* that was hilarious. well played, miss. well played.
el smrtmnky
gwendolyn
Posted 5:59 AM 10/7/08
@el smrtmnky: For a real multicultural feel, let's make it 'oy vey como va'...
And, no, I haven't a clue what that might mean.
gwendolyn
kookla
Posted 5:57 AM 10/7/08
Ray of Shite
kookla
hughman
Posted 5:50 AM 10/7/08
Material Hurl.
hughman
el smrtmnky
Posted 5:48 AM 10/7/08
oy vey
el smrtmnky
RonMwangaguhunga
Posted 5:47 AM 10/7/08
Look at all the drama surrounding A-Rod's earnest search for spiritual fullfillment. It reminds me of Woody Allen's Mickey Sachs in Hannah and Her Sisters, only, like, with Guy Oseary as the neutral god.
RonMwangaguhunga
CourageousCoward
Posted 5:45 AM 10/7/08
I'm just saying it would be much easier to suss out if a "-gate" was involved.
CourageousCoward
MrRewrite
Posted 6:45 AM 10/7/08
Christ on a cracker, can't you see that it's Professor Plum in the Solarium with a wrench?
MrRewrite
lalaland13
Posted 6:40 AM 10/7/08
Wait US and the tabs pay those infamous "sources?" Hell, I have to go now. I need to call Star and tell them about my "friend" Matthew M-Con (I call him that because we're such good friends) and how he doesn't wear deodorant but likes cheesy tator tots.
lalaland13
Losin_it
Posted 6:29 AM 10/7/08
"Come on, Alex. Don't worry about your kids. I have kids, too, don't I? I don't let them stand in the way of what I want. Like, Lourdes told me she was going to miss Guy. I said, 'honey, you'll have so many guys of your own soon you won't give a shit'. I was making a pun. She said 'okay, mommy'."
Losin_it
bichon
Posted 7:08 AM 10/7/08
I don't think there was a Solarium--maybe the Conservatory?
bichon
NoGrumpys
Posted 6:57 AM 10/7/08
Has she come in contact with his A-Rod yet?
NoGrumpys
TheQuestion
Posted 7:59 AM 10/7/08
@CourageousCoward: Whogivesashitgate? Gimmeafrickin'breakgate? No, MadgeArodCynthKravitzgate. There ya go.
TheQuestion
gwendolyn
Posted 7:50 AM 10/7/08
@el smrtmnky: Thank you very much. It definitely beats doing my wage slave work...
gwendolyn
el smrtmnky
Posted 9:51 AM 10/7/08
@TheQuestion: MamiYankeegate
el smrtmnky
NotReadyForPrimeTime
Posted 11:00 AM 10/7/08
@Huge Tracts of Land:
He couldn't help it, because her vadge is actually a Venus Fly Trap.
NotReadyForPrimeTime
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 10:41 AM 10/7/08
So wait, how DID Madonna lure him away from his newborn baby? With her vadge? Come on. This is fake right? This is like, The Onion, right? Newborn baby? Seriously used vadge? I think even more guys would be like...I don't need this seriously used vadge. I should really spend time with this new human I made. Someone step in and correct me though.
Huge Tracts of Land
Tiger_Tanaka
Posted 2:49 PM 10/7/08
I've been telling him to go f*ck himself for a few post-seasons now, but he can't even get that right.
Tiger_Tanaka
oolishfay
Posted 3:07 PM 10/7/08
Cynthia don't preach....'cause I've made up my mind, I'm gonna take your husband
oolishfay
raincoaster
Posted 3:53 PM 10/7/08
@CourageousCoward: MateGate?
raincoaster
WGARefugee
Posted 10:44 PM 10/7/08
If Madonna is your soulmate, Satan is your co-pilot.
WGARefugee