We Are Only Months Away From Being Able To Purchase A Frightening Talking Bindi Irwin Doll Of Our Very Own

Oh, this is wonderful. We were promised a doll version of Defamer Australia’s favourite rap star Bindi Irwin, and the toy gods have delivered… Well, the doll won’t be available until September (and that’s in the US), but at last we can see a photo of the.gift I’m praying will be waiting for me under the Christmas tree during the last week of December.

Lacking in the crimp factor, hair-wise, but all in all a pretty good likeness.

In the talking version of the doll, Bindi uses phrases such as, “Crikey! Let’s go help wildlife”, and, “You can make the world a better place”, the Plain-Dealer newspaper reported in Cleveland, Ohio.

That’s not enough to give me nightmares! What happened to Bindi’s favourite saying “LOVE IT DON’T HURT IT”? Did someone send the toy company a polite email pointing out that a shrieking Bindi Irwin replica quoting lines which sound like excerpts from a Law & Order: SVU script might be really fucked up? I’m gutted.

I’m still gonna get a “Love It, Don’t Hurt It” tattoo though. And also, a tattoo of my safety word – in capitals, bold font, right on the tramp stamp section of my back.

It should be noted that I recently watched two seasons worth of Law & Order: SVU on DVD over a period of 48 rapey perp-catchin’ hours. My head’s in a weird place right now.

DUNH-DUNH!

(rocks back and forth in vaguely psychotic manner)