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Tom Cruise and The Bizarre Gifts That Keep Giving (Giving His Friends The Creeps, That Is)
Posted by Molly Friedman at 9:20 AM on July 12, 2008
What fun it must be to have a baby, get married, or turn one year older if you're lucky enough to be chummy with Village People Fan Club president Tom Cruise. As a card-carrying member of Tom's inner circle of disco-dancing Xenu-fearing tribe of pals, new mum Nicole Kidman had the joy of receiving one of Cruise's trademark lavish gifts — as People reports, the birth of little Sunday Urban prompted Nicole's ex-partner in bearded crime to send over a huge "high-end" gift basket filled to the brim with fancy baby must-haves. But after reviewing Tom's history of gifting his nearest and dearest with incredibly bizarre and, at times, inappropriate items, we suspect his inclusion of "Giraffe baby blankets" might actually be a subtle swipe at Kidman's tendency to resemble the long-necked drowsy animal. Cruise's unnerving presents of the past to fellow Tom-ophiles like Dakota Fanning and Katie Holmes, after the jump.
As we noted a few months ago, Tom decided that the best way to kiss and make up with old pals Victoria and David Beckham was to offer the couple a weekend vacation at his own home. Nothing says "Procreate for the good of Scientology mankind!" like a few sleepless nights spent at an eerie secluded Hubbard boot camp disguised as a celebrity's mansion. And a few years ago, Cruise made a similar misstep by presenting his tiniest pocket spokesperson, Dakota Fanning, with a cell phone for her 11th birthday. Sure, Dakota's parents wouldn't let her use it and her lack of any actual friends made it entirely useless, but the alien-esque Fanning sure loved prancing down the street "pretending" to talk to imaginary contacts!
Though it wasn't exactly freaky or strange, Tom's gift of a Segway to Hollywood's resident Paranoiac J.J. Abrams left the mystery man disturbed (but mysteriously!). As Abrams told the NY Times in a 2006 interview, his favourite movie-star gift is indeed the Segway, but his quote frightens us just a tad: "Tom Cruise gave me one of those two-wheel Segway scooter things. I'm still trying to get him back for that." Um, because it was programmed to scoot directly towards COS headquarters no matter which direction you pointed it? Last and, in a way, least, future fugitive Katie Holmes has had the fortune of receiving more than a few of Tommy's bizarro presents. As a wedding gift, Cruise reportedly gave his new bride a $20 million dollar jet, even though Katie couldn't fly the thing and was pregnant at the time. But by far the most classic gift on the list is Tom's genius idea for Katie's 27th birthday present: a "DVD compendium of every movie he has ever acted in," inscribed with little handwritten notes from Tom on each film. Because nothing says Happy Birthday like a copy of Magnolia with "It's not going to stop. No, it's not going to stop. 'Til you wise up." scrawled on it by Tom himself.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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juniperjenny
Posted 9:43 AM 12/7/08
Strrrrrrrrrrretch.
juniperjenny
metroville
Posted 9:38 AM 12/7/08
@Tiger_Tanaka: "Also...I don't have a threatening pun involving Taps, but just check out the way I'm machine-gunning all those people."
metroville
NoGrumpys
Posted 9:34 AM 12/7/08
The pacifier e-meter was a bit much
ALL HAIL XENU!!
NoGrumpys
windowface
Posted 9:34 AM 12/7/08
remember when he had braces?
windowface
Tiger_Tanaka
Posted 9:33 AM 12/7/08
Dear Katie,
You WILL accept my "Endless Love."
If you don't give it up for Xenu soon, I really will be "Losin' It."
I'd better not catch you talking to "The Outsiders."
Trying to sneak away from me is "Risky Business."
Love,
T
Tiger_Tanaka
mothrafairy
Posted 10:22 AM 12/7/08
"...long-necked drowsy animal"
Molly, I pee with glee.
Sunday Urban. Urban, Sunday.
God, these people are idiots.
mothrafairy
Xylo
Posted 10:12 AM 12/7/08
Also, it's more fun giving these gifts if everyone knows about them.
Xylo
NotReadyForPrimeTime
Posted 10:48 AM 12/7/08
As an additional slap in the face to Nicole, Tom apparently sent the flowers to Nicole and Keith from "his" family, Tom, Katie, Conor and Bella. How about letting Nicole's children visit her? Katie already claims that Conor and Bella call her "Mom."
I think there is some big-time parental alienation going on there, despite Cruise's assertion that Nicole can see her kids "whenever."
NotReadyForPrimeTime
kookla
Posted 11:12 AM 12/7/08
I just envision Katie taking secret flying lessons over the course of the year. Then one night she musses the order of the soup cans in the pantry, tosses the bath towels on the floor, sneaks out to the airport and gets in that $20 mil jet, flying to a small airfield in a quaint town, cuts her hair, changes her identity and takes up with a really sweet down-to-earth-guy with a heart of gold.
Uh...Sleeping with the Enemy was on Lifetime Movies last weekend.
kookla
jasonelias
Posted 11:01 AM 12/7/08
The worst part about giving Katie that jet was when Tom said, "Don't be glib, if you crash, you crash, boom..." And then he laughed for 2 hours.
jasonelias
Old No.7
Posted 11:37 AM 12/7/08
@kookla: I like the Natalie Wood boat ride scenario better.
Old No.7
raincoaster
Posted 3:09 PM 12/7/08
@mothrafairy: And Sunday was born on Monday. They can't even use a calendar!
raincoaster
jwick25
Posted 11:42 PM 12/7/08
Is it weird that the name Suri is comprised of the middle 4 letters (rearranged, of course) in CRUISE? It's as if it symbolizes her being trapped and surrounded by that little whackadoo. It still beats Sunday.
jwick25
NotReadyForPrimeTime
Posted 7:26 AM 13/7/08
@jwick25:
Also interesting that Tom insists that he and Katie were sitting on the kitchen floor with a baby name book, and found the name Suri. I myself own several baby name books and have never seen that name anywhere.
Then they tried to claim that the name was Arabic, or Hebrew, or Persian, but still nobody had heard of it.
I am thinking more like he took the letters of his last name, figured out every possible combination, and that's how he came up with it.
NotReadyForPrimeTime
mothrafairy
Posted 9:28 AM 13/7/08
@NotReadyForPrimeTime:
A most viable theory. Moreover, who in the hell sits on a kitchen floor for anything? Who?
mothrafairy
mothrafairy
Posted 2:12 AM 14/7/08
@mothrafairy:
Note: Amy Winehouse apparently cries for people on them. Forgot about that; sorry.
But I still bet that the TomKat "baby name book" was actually a copy of 'Battlefield Earth,' which at its most fundamental, is a book for babies, filled with names. Suri could easily have been dubbed Terl or Drog or Lerg.
mothrafairy
Elsie_Tanner
Posted 12:29 AM 15/7/08
@NotReadyForPrimeTime: If Kidman cared about her kids she'd either a) live with them or b) live near them rather than leave them to be home-schooled with their nutjob father and his bonkers 'religion'.
Elsie_Tanner
NotReadyForPrimeTime
Posted 12:59 AM 15/7/08
@Elsie_Tanner:
Good point, but you may underestimate how dangerous Tom and his Scientology goons are. They could have threatened her with many things, including bodily harm to beloved family members. Even if they weren't willing to stoop to physical violence, CO$ is famous for harassing people to within an inch of their lives.
Then there's the parental alienation syndrome issue, which I believe is a huge factor here.
NotReadyForPrimeTime