The upcoming issue of Star breathlessly reports that Spencer Pratt Attack ringleader and excellent on-screen kisser Mary-Kate Olsen might be headed back to the floral pastures of celebrity rehab any day now. The mag's sources cite a quasi-recent "collapse" outside an LA club, ongoing depression over her "lover" Heath Ledger's sudden death, and brewing tension between MK and her more low-key twin, Ashley. But, as we pointed out earlier this month, the twinset's more rebellious (and interesting) half is on a roll. After appearing on her first Elle cover solo, starring in a critically praised indie movie and, of course, teaming up with David Letterman in a campaign to destroy everyone's most hated reality villain, Mary-Kate hasn't shown any signs of crumbling. We took a closer look at this alleged collapse, the odds that Ledger and the itty bitty billionaire were in any way involved romantically, just how grave the tiny twosome's differences are, and came up with three reasons why we don't buy it.

1) The "Collapse" That Wasn't: First of all, who hasn't tripped once or twice when leaving a bar? Secondly, when someone like little MK leaves a bar, she doesn't find herself in some empty vacant parking lot — she's surrounded by handlers, paparazzi towering something like twelve feet above her head, and manoeuvring her way to a ride involves all kinds of obstacles, from curbs uneasily managed while wearing four-inch heels to flashbulbs making it nearly impossible to see where the hell she's going. Stumbling (kind of gracefully) briefly during a clusterfuck like that does not a "collapse" make.

2) The Mythical Heath/Mary-Kate Romance Remains Purely...Mythical: We won't point any fingers (since pointing one of those fingers at ourselves just isn't fun), but more than a few gossips and reporters launched a baseless theory immediately following Ledger's tragic death, that he and Olsen had been dating at the time. A few scattered clues, including his masseuse's decision to call MK before the police, the possibility that Olsen owned the apartment Ledger had been renting, and her total silence post-tragedy, sort of suggested a possible romance. But for Star to affirmatively call the deceased Joker Mary-Kate's "lover" is off the mark. Even if the two were in some way together, Olsen's so-called grief arrives at an odd time; Ledger's legend may include an Oscar come next winter, and MK is finally hitting her acting stride.

3) If Any Olsen Is Suffering Twin Envy, It's Ashley: More than a few stories have popped up lately regarding the growing friction between Mary-Kate, who's all but abandoned her Dualstar responsibilities for trapeeze lessons in China, and Ashley, who has so far kept up appearances as an active co-president. But everyone knows these girls have had stars in their eyes since ruining television before they could even speak. We don't care how vehemently Ashley defends her working girl persona; need we remind her of a little role on her horizon in which she'll partner with an ensemble cast to successfully destroy yet another Bret Easton Ellis novel by just not getting it on-screen?

[Photo credits: X17]

• BACK TO REHAB FOR MARY-KATE OLSEN? [Star]

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