This Just In: Alan Jones Has Prostate Cancer

Shock jock Alan Jones has just announced to the media that he has prostate cancer.

The talkback king said he would take time off work to undergo surgery, but he would return to his breakfast slot on Sydney radio station 2GB when he had recovered.

Jones said he had been diagnosed with the cancer after undergoing a biopsy and would require an operation in coming weeks. He would be off air for several weeks while recovering, he said.

“The prospect of full recovery is very significant,” he told media gathered at the Macquarie Radio studios in Sydney.

Elderly bigots across Sydney will no doubt be relieved to hear that. In all seriousness though – cancer sucks so I wish him all the best during this difficult time.

“Cancer sucks”. Wow. Eloquent, huh? Why the Cancer Council haven’t asked me to join their marketing team is beyond my comprehension. Still, you know what I mean. Get well soon, Alan, so I can happily go back to bashing my head against a wall when listening to you on air!