The Bachelorette Is Even Dumber Than We Ever Imagined

· The Bachelorette producers must hate DeAnna Pappas. That’s the only reason we can come up for airing this gag reel that reveals her softer belching and English-butchering sides. [The Bachelorette]
· Goldenfiddle compiles some of the best Wanted bad reviews into one hilariously satisfying read. [Goldenfiddle]
· This wound itself around the internets late last week—Jezebel ran a full transcript—but in case you haven’t yet heard it, we now proudly present: The Douchiest Phone Message In History. (By the way, we have the perfect backup-Olga for you, Dmitri: DeAnna! She’s Greek, too!) [Holytaco]
· The familiar punim of Rastajewian superstar Rogen graces the new Pineapple Express one-sheets. [TrailerAddict.com]
· And finally, we turn to the only man who can properly assess the Bear Freaking A Tree video currently eating the web alive: Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. “Oh, my naive little friend: Clearly, once properly aroused by massaging his back on the tree, he’s unleashing the full fury of his engorged bearcock on a quivering knothole. Sure, the splinters are a bitch, but such is the price of ursine erotic satsifaction.” [Lisanti Quarterly]