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Shia LaBeouf And The Kingdom Of The Royally Screwed

Posted by Seth at 5:00 AM on July 29, 2008

The signs, as they say, were there. A rough-and-tumble kid from the hard streets of Echo Parque, Shia LaBeouf traded in tubesteak and greasepaint as a child, raised by hot-dog-vending clown parents. (A profession, if the lessons of Momzo are to teach us anything, which can frequently lead to movie star delinquency.) It would not be long before his magnetic screen presence and deft improvisational skills would catch the eye of a Hollywood in a desperate search for its next everyman superstar. But while he seemed up to the tasks of blockbuster movie-making—whether sexing a hyperdeveloped co-star on the hood of an anthropomorphic Camaro, or getting thwacked in the balls by jungle vegetation—it was off-screen that LaBeouf began developing a reputation for recalcitrance. Shia, they whispered, was capital-t trouble.

 

There was an arrest at a Chicago area pharmacy—for, as he tells it, disturbing the Walgreen's peace on an alcohol-fuelled cigarette and Clearasil run. There was an unlawful smoking citation in Burbank, and a bench warrant issued when he failed to appear in court. And there was that leaked video of a Five-Fingered Mexican Roulette session, in which the adolescent superstar taunted his slap-fight sparring partner with a gay slur.

Of course, that was was all just the overture for what was to come. Sunday morning at 2:30 a.m., LaBeouf made a left turn at the corner of LaBrea and Fountain. It was a seemingly simple driving manoeuvre made less so by three crucial factors: 1. The oncoming car didn't break in time. 2. He was drunk. 3. Michael Bay didn't shout, "Cut! Print! OK, let's move on to the Soundwave breakdancing sequence. Hustle, people—we're losing daylight!" through a bullhorn at the end of it. From the LAT:

The actor's Ford F-150 pickup truck rolled over in the crash.

LaBeouf injured his left hand and was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre for surgery, according to Sgt. Kristin Aloma of the sheriff's West Hollywood station. LaBeouf's passenger and the other driver, both women, were treated for minor injuries and released.

LaBeouf, 22, "was exhibiting obvious signs of intoxication," Aloma said. He was cited for misdemeanor drunken driving instead of felony drunken driving because the injuries suffered by the others were minor, she explained.

Approached for comment, a LaBeouf spokesperson issued this statement: "Attorneys for Mr. LaBeouf confirm that an automobile accident involving an additional party occurred early morning in Los Angeles on July 27, 2008. Shia is currently recovering from extensive hand surgery with plans to return to work on the set of Transformers 2 within one month. No further comment will be issued at this time." The word "extensive" there concerns us, as anyone who has witnessed the actor's deft stiletto-twirling skills—or seen him opening a Heineken bottle using only a thumb and Zippo lighter, or even caught him smacking the shit out of one of his closest drinking buddies—knows that LaBeouf is a highly dexterous actor who requires full use of his hands. Developing...

Tags: celeb jurisprudence | clips | duis | shia labeouf

 

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