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Jessica Alba's Dislikes: Babies, Husbands, Actors And Being Pregnant
Posted by Molly Friedman at 5:40 AM on July 11, 2008
Okay. Until now, we'd tried to give Jessica Alba the benefit of the doubt. Sure, she's impossible to watch in any movie she's ever made, what with her amateur acting skills that include crafted facial expressions such as "I'm Happy, See, Because You Can See My Teeth!" and "I'm Sexy, See, Because You Can See My Bikini-Clad Butt!" And yes, she made pregnancy look like possibly the most miserable state of being, unlike all those other actresses who affected the standard Glow (see Naomi Watts and even Nicole Kidman, incapable of moving her face, yet still dewy and happy 'til the arrival of her daughter Sunday). But after reading an excerpt from new mum Alba in next month's UK Cosmo, we think it's safe to say the actress, who insults all male actors, obsesses over her weight, and shows warning signs of early Husband Emasculation, is on her way to becoming the next Katherine Heigl:
Among the quips Alba sounds off on in the mag is an overly candid series of musings on that doggone baby weight: "I never felt less sexy...I mean, I wouldn't have changed it for the world ... but I wanted to get rid of all the weight." And this whole sexy trademark of hers that serves as the sole reason behind her fame? All show and no tell: "I always used to meet the wrong guys - the ones who wanted to hang out for a week and see how far they could get. If you didn't have sex in the first few days, you were either frigid or a lesbian. So I held out." Note to these guys: a simple viewing of Into The Blue is probably just as good as having to have actual sex with the sourpuss anyway. As for her non-pants-wearing hubby No Cash Cash Warren? "I love that he's not an actor. I'm way too high maintenance to be in a relationship with an actor - they're all such divas!" Um, calling yourself a diva in the same breath as calling yourself high-maintenance? Heigl alert!
Maybe because she gave the interview to a Brit glossy, maybe because she's suffering from that silly glib disorder that served as a catalyst for the Brooke Shields/Tom Cruise War of the Mentally Unstable Worlds, or maybe Alba is just, simply, annoying. But her casual remarks on pregnancy and dating have earned her official membership in the two-member High And Mighty For No Reason club proudly presided over by the original unmerited diva herself, "Katie" Heigl.
[Photo credit: X17]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
Aaron Poehler
Posted 6:36 AM 11/7/08
S'okay, I have a feeling all of these attitudes will make a sharp 180 right around the time she hits 30.
Aaron Poehler
Lapinot
Posted 6:22 AM 11/7/08
@Losin_it: Oh good, there're two of us.
Maybe there are two Albas, because I don't see the objectionable Alba.
My Alba usually seems smiley and fun.
Lapinot
kookla
Posted 6:14 AM 11/7/08
I can't believe Jessica managed to make Heigl seem likable. And i did mean "seem."
kookla
Barbarella
Posted 6:12 AM 11/7/08
She is vile. That is all.
Barbarella
Shumina
Posted 6:09 AM 11/7/08
@Losin_it: You're not from around here, are you.
Shumina
Losin_it
Posted 6:00 AM 11/7/08
With all due respect to Molly, sometimes I don't see the story in the story. This is a case of that. I am no great Jessica Alba fan, but what did she really say that's that bad?
Losin_it
Old No.7
Posted 5:56 AM 11/7/08
What's wrong Jess? Upset that all the guys think you're less sexy, now that your vag has joined the Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich Club? Or do you just take offense to the MILF label?
Old No.7
Great_White_Snark
Posted 5:51 AM 11/7/08
Once the public at large comes to realize that she's just not going to get nude in a movie, her star will fall mighty fast.
Great_White_Snark
Losin_it
Posted 6:53 AM 11/7/08
@Shumina: :)
Losin_it
Hubert Cumberdale
Posted 6:46 AM 11/7/08
She has no idea what the hell she's doing. Her filmography is a piece of shit, and so is her face.
Hubert Cumberdale
NoGrumpys
Posted 7:49 AM 11/7/08
Seig Heigel !!!
followed by appropriate salute
NoGrumpys
TillieHarper
Posted 8:48 AM 11/7/08
She has always been a bit of a brat...even before becoming famous. But that seems to be typical of her generation.
TillieHarper
SaphocratSam
Posted 9:59 AM 11/7/08
hey hey hey now, at least dark angel was an ok show...
well, untill i realized it was not a spin-off of the buffy spin-off angel....
SaphocratSam
hummingpenguin
Posted 9:58 AM 11/7/08
Uh-huh, yeah, all those outstanding actors you've worked with, Jessica, and you just know they're ALL divas. That Paul Giamatti, I tell you, he won't get out of bed without lavender-scented towels and a pedicure.
hummingpenguin
HappyBlues
Posted 1:48 PM 11/7/08
The funniest part of this is how full of herself she is! Making monsters is too easy.
HappyBlues
MissyMiss
Posted 2:51 PM 11/7/08
She has a pug, though, so in my book she can do no wrong.
MissyMiss
TheQuestion
Posted 2:35 PM 11/7/08
@Great_White_Snark: If the public hasn't gotten that idea by now, I don't know how much clearer the cockteasing bitch can make it. Actually, I think the funniest thing would be to see her career take enough of a nosedive that she does a nude scene in a flick to save it, and for said flick to bomb astoundingly.
TheQuestion
raincoaster
Posted 6:34 PM 11/7/08
@Lapinot: YOU, sir, have never been on a shoot with her. Or even in the same city. She filmed Dark Angel here for years and she's legendarily horrific.
raincoaster
Lapinot
Posted 3:56 AM 12/7/08
@raincoaster: Or the same country, even, so far as I know.
Alright, maybe she's not usually smiley and fun. But I still think the interview sounds smiley and fun...
Please don't ban me.
Lapinot
Molly Friedman
Posted 11:17 AM 12/7/08
@Losin_it: Have you ever sat through Into The Blue? I've never seen such horrific acting in my life. The baby voice! The immobile eyes! But Hawaii looked so pretty...anyway, she calls actors "divas." And being pregnant bugged her because she didn't feel sexy (ohdeargodno!). That's enough for me.
Molly Friedman