Jeff Kennett’s Recent Comments May Lead To Some Depressed Homosexuals: “I Think It’s Probably Best To Keep Those Rapey Pedophilic Gays Away From Young Footy Players… What? What Did I Say?”

Sometimes you read comments from a public figure and you have a moment where you think to yourself “Wow, that is so unbelievably stupid and offensive, it must be a piss-take. Surely no one in their right mind could have actually uttered those words with a straight face?”. For me, that moment occurred this morning when I learned of former Victorian premier and Beyond Blue chairman Jeff Kennett’s comments about the sacking of gay trainer Ken Campagnolo by Bonnie Doon Football Club .

“The club felt that once this had been pointed out and you had this gentleman there who was obviously close to young men – massaging young men – it ran an unnecessary risk and that’s why it decided it was best that he not perform those duties again. So the club was trying to do the right thing,” Mr Kennett said.

“When you are in charge of a group of young boys, as this club was as I understand it, it’s got to make sure.”

“It’s the same if you have a pedophile there as a masseur, right? And you might say the pedophile would do no damage, but once it was pointed out to you, you have a duty of care to those underage children not to put them in a situation of risk.”

Needless to say, some gays have taken time out from their busy schedule of molesting children and indulging in other depraved activities to declare their displeasure at Jeff Kennett’s hateful words.

Rodney Croome, of the Australian Coalition for Equality, said: “Jeff Kennett should immediately step aside from his role in Beyond Blue.”

In cheerier news, the AFL’s attempts to quash Ken Campagnolo’s complaint regarding his firing last year has failed, and a tribunal has decided mediation is the next step. Fingers crossed Mr Campagnolo comes out on top, eh? After all, as the man himself says – “I am not a pedophile. Does that mean every straight male doctor cannot treat any female patient?”

Indeed, sir.