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In Honour of The 4th of July, Megan Fox Wins Her Independence From Brian Austin Green
Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 10:45 AM on July 3, 2008
I remember the first time I heard about Megan Fox. "Man, this chick has it all," I thought to myself. She's hot, not a terrible actress, uh... did I mention hot? In fact there was only one problem with her. Her fiancé was a douchebag. And not just any douchebag, but Brian Austin Green! The whole B.A.G. affair was such an affront to my sensibilities that it tainted Megan Fox as a whole. She couldn't be that great if she was into a dude who not only devirginized Donna on 90210 but also released a terrible rap album entitled One Stop Carnival. But now that's all changed, thanks to this little tidbit of information: Megan Fox has called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green! [cue Handel's Messiah, ring church bells, light fireworks]
According to the tabloids, she alerted her business associates of the sad happy news. An insider chimes in, "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realises she's too young to marry him."
In other words, Megan has wised up and realised that hanging out with B.A.G. made her 60% less hot. Not only that, her career was on the rise while his was over many eons ago. It's the classic Hillary Swank/Chad Lowe dynamic. No one wants to marry someone who'll always be begging for a role in their next movie. So, congratulations, Megan. There is now officially nothing wrong with you. Just get ready for everyone from George Clooney to David Spade to come a-knockin'.
[Photo Credit: FHM]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
Scoregasm
Posted 11:44 AM 3/7/08
@DrAftershave: She can change it to "Life of Brian" and claim she's a huge Monty Python fan.
Scoregasm
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 11:40 AM 3/7/08
@Old No.7: Don't forget Rodriquez...and he's casting three leading roles...
Little Mintz Sunshine
Losin_it
Posted 11:29 AM 3/7/08
But Megan isn't witty or sharp enough to compete with Defamer's female snarkers. So I have to give her a "meh".
Losin_it
DrAftershave
Posted 11:24 AM 3/7/08
hey, megan-good luck in that tattoo removal near your "pie", unless you date other men named brian.
DrAftershave
Old No.7
Posted 11:12 AM 3/7/08
Guy Ritchie's available.
(As am I, Megan... as am I.)
Old No.7
Dimo
Posted 12:14 PM 3/7/08
I have to call a quick time out.
I know Brian Green and he's actually a really good guy.
O.K. you may now return to your dissing already in progress.
Dimo
LBJeffries
Posted 12:14 PM 3/7/08
@Scoregasm: She could change it to 'Brian's Song' and claim she's a huge Billy Dee Williams fan.
LBJeffries
gwendemarco
Posted 12:43 PM 3/7/08
I blame Brooke Busey Hunt.
gwendemarco
DrFeelgood
Posted 12:39 PM 3/7/08
@Dimo: Agreed. Let's not bag on the guy who's been there, done that.
Besides, after a month of living in Brett Ratner/Alan Carr's Disco Ballroom, being fetted with kilo sacks of cocaine she's eventually going to look deep into the mirrored walls and have one of those dead soul conversations one has when they've avoided sleep for forty eight hours or so:
Megan: You piece of shit. You're nothing but a piece of shit.
MegansReflection: Why, isn't this what you wanted?
Megan: I wanted to be happy...
MegansReflection: Aren't you?
Megan: Sort of...no...I miss Brian.
MegansReflection: Why? All he did was make you feel guilty for blowing Michael Bay.
Megan: Yeah, I know, but you've got to try and understand his point of view...God, I wish I could sleep.
MegansReflection: Fuck sleep! Listen, has Brett talked to you about RushHour 4 yet, 'cause I really think you should do it.
Brett: Hey Megan, I was looking for you. What are you doing here in the corner all alone?
Megan: What?
Brett: Are you okay? I thought we'd go shoot skeet out in the backyard.
Megan: No. I don't want to leave the Disco. I don't ever want to leave the Disco.
Brett: That's cool, we can shoot skeet right here. Here's your shotgun.
MegansReflection: Kill him. Kill him dead Megan.
Megan: What?
Brett: Hey, keep that thing pointed up or...hey! No! Stop!
MegansReflection: Now you've done it dummy. Shit. Quick, grab the grinder from his right jacket pocket. No his OTHER right jacket pocket stupid.
Then she calls Brian from the police station with her one phone call, and like that, they're back together.
DrFeelgood
dango
Posted 1:33 PM 3/7/08
Maybe she saw this:
+ Watch video
dango
WGARefugee
Posted 1:28 PM 3/7/08
@Dimo: I don't pass judgment on anyone until Amy Winehouse calls them a cunt. After that, the gloves are off!
@DrFeelgood: You get an A!
WGARefugee
Oxycontinmoron
Posted 2:25 PM 3/7/08
She could add "Damaged" after "Brian" and settle for the double entendre.
Oxycontinmoron
DrFeelgood
Posted 4:19 PM 3/7/08
@trythisathome: Why is she pooping in the tub? Because
Jeffery Epstein is hiding just out of view, rubbing his lucky egg.
DrFeelgood
TryThisAtHome
Posted 4:13 PM 3/7/08
First of all, who is Brian Austin Green? Secondly, who is Megan Fox? Thirdly, why is she pooping in that bathtub?
TryThisAtHome
jupiterspaw
Posted 12:39 AM 4/7/08
Megan Fox Graduates!
jupiterspaw
TheQuestion
Posted 1:11 AM 4/7/08
@LBJeffries: I'll change my name to Brian, and she can date me.
TheQuestion
NoWireHangers
Posted 12:55 AM 4/7/08
"So, congratulations, Megan. There is now officially nothing wrong with you."
Except for that whole "actress" who can't act thing.
NoWireHangers
rtisovec
Posted 2:00 AM 4/7/08
Since Megan is attracted to white people who are self absorbed and into hip hop, I would imagine Justin Timberlake as her new BF. He is, after all, the B.A.G. of the 21st century.
rtisovec
TheQuestion
Posted 2:42 AM 4/7/08
@rtisovec: I dunno, you think JT could handle that? Well, he did have Britney in the pre-batshit crazy days, and Cameron Diaz might be a little older but she sure seems to have sexual energy to spare. Yeah, maybe the Timberlake could pull that off.
TheQuestion
Benovite
Posted 3:06 AM 4/7/08
Question, Nick; what makes BAG a douchebag?
Benovite
EuroDad
Posted 3:56 AM 4/7/08
@Benovite:
why, the fact that shes not dating any of us of course...
EuroDad
WGARefugee
Posted 6:30 AM 4/7/08
I don't know about the rest of you connoisseurs but I draw the line at dating women with big bathtub-shaped grooves on their asses.
WGARefugee
EuroDad
Posted 7:34 AM 4/7/08
@WGARefugee:
fortunately i have no such criteria
EuroDad
laura23
Posted 7:31 AM 4/7/08
I don't know how she could break up with this guy. Maybe she wants to "Switch It Up."
+ Watch video
laura23
WGARefugee
Posted 8:22 AM 4/7/08
@EuroDad: Then I absolutely must recommend you stake an early claim near the women's portajohns at Burning Man.
WGARefugee
Malis in Wonderland
Posted 10:16 AM 4/7/08
@Benovite: I don't really know. Just a snap judgment. Maybe deep down he's a cool guy.
Malis in Wonderland