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Hey Rex Reed, Hope You're Happy!
Posted by Mark Graham at 9:30 AM on July 18, 2008
We have noted the ridiculously mean-spirited SATC review that curmudgeonly queen Rex Reed wrote for the NY Observer on these pages before. However, we have never printed the offending opening graf here on these pages, but seeing as how SJP had her beauty-mark lasered off sometime in the last few weeks (it wasn't just makeup, after all), it seems that the time is right:
There's nothing wrong with Sarah Jessica Parker that couldn't be cured by wart-removal surgery. That growth on her face just gets bigger with every close-up, and in the full-length movie version of Sex and the City it's so distracting you can't concentrate on anything else. It's not a beauty mark. I guess you can't tell a co-producer anything, but listen up, girl. At this point, you would make a wonderful Halloween witch.
Even though it's nearly two months later, we're still just as flabbergasted as we were the day that we first read this. It's one thing that this quote got written in the first place, but what really irks us is that this bilious diatribe actually got past an editor and actually made it into print. Congrats, gents ... hope you sleep tight tonight!
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
Mark Graham
Posted 10:24 AM 18/7/08
@Losin_it: We love snark, but this isn't snark. This is something else entirely. NoWireHangers hit the nail on the head. But the more and more I think about it, maybe ole Rexy was just giving his audience what they wanted. But still, that don't make it right.
Mark Graham
Miss Cast
Posted 10:21 AM 18/7/08
That's one bitter queen. You have full-frontal male nudity and Rex focuses on SJP's mole?
Miss Cast
WGARefugee
Posted 10:15 AM 18/7/08
When all else fails, you can always fill a news hole with a queer old goat.
WGARefugee
Leviticus_71
Posted 10:15 AM 18/7/08
@Tiger_Tanaka: I was thinking the same thing...Nice Askot!
Leviticus_71
kookla
Posted 10:13 AM 18/7/08
Meanwhile Rex flounces around town in a golden ascot and that God forsaken Gin Blossom he calls a nose?
kookla
OldTowneTavern
Posted 9:59 AM 18/7/08
I'm sure the editors tried to stop him, but by the time he pointed out their spastic Adam's apples, infantile chests and Botero-ish cankles, they were reduced to tears and lost all will to fight.
OldTowneTavern
NoWireHangers
Posted 9:58 AM 18/7/08
Sure, Defamer commenters have said far worse, but as a critic it's RR's job to keep it somewhat high brow so we can reach new lows. It's the unspoken order of things. If A.O. Scott starts commenting on cankles what will be left for us? WHAT WILL BE LEFT FOR US!
NoWireHangers
Tiger_Tanaka
Posted 9:52 AM 18/7/08
Steve Martin stars in La Cage!
Tiger_Tanaka
Al_Pastor
Posted 9:52 AM 18/7/08
@Losin_it:
that's what i was thinking. unless that was like some extremely high-level, top secret sarcasm. like, sarcasm that even the most jaded, unsincere person (is there anyone here like that?) wouldn't detect
Al_Pastor
Losin_it
Posted 9:44 AM 18/7/08
So Rex is snarking on a celebrity. I don't see exactly why Defamer would have a problem with that.
Losin_it
Losin_it
Posted 10:53 AM 18/7/08
@Huge Tracts of Land:
He's just another indiscriminate misogynistic hater who's angry that movie fans in America stopped listening to his pissy little opinions eons ago in exchange for the pissy little opinions of random overweight internet bloggers.
And you know this how? I'm just curious. How do you know a) he hates women, and b) he has been so overwhelmed by bitterness he has to take it out on SJP? I still think he was just snarking on her, and as we know, sometimes it comes out nastier than we intend. I can't read his mind so Mark might be right when he said it's something else.
It's true that he and critics in general don't have exclusive domain over movie criticism anymore. It's also true that one Rex Reed piece is worth about 5000 posts by juniorcritic291 typing on his daddy's laptop somewhere, pissy or not. He's experienced, literate, has taste, and knows far more about movies and their history than about 99% of the bloggers out there. If he acts like a dick now and then doesn't mean he's still not worth reading overall.
Losin_it
hughman
Posted 10:46 AM 18/7/08
also, i think i own that Hermes scarf.
hughman
hughman
Posted 10:42 AM 18/7/08
oh please, we all know he wrote this nodding off while drinking a sloe gin fizz and listening to scratchy old records of Judy at Carnagie Hall. his "man-servant" Tito would just wipe the drool from his chins, pull his kimono tighter, take the feather pen from his wrinkled old hand and turn off the lights.
hughman
mothrafairy
Posted 10:34 AM 18/7/08
Snark, as a rule, should have at least some Element of Clever. Rex displayed none in his review. We don't want people getting the wrong idea about snark.
As for Halloween witches, however, I can easily imagine excessive cackling at Reed's own dinner parties...along with spontaneous hissy-fits, ripped kimonos, and slurred renderings of "Swanee."
mothrafairy
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 10:34 AM 18/7/08
I think it's pretty obvious he doesn't say this kind of stuff about Robert DeNiro's giant as hell face mole.
He's just another indiscriminate misogynistic hater who's angry that movie fans in America stopped listening to his pissy little opinions eons ago in exchange for the pissy little opinions of random overweight internet bloggers.
Huge Tracts of Land
Old No.7
Posted 10:58 AM 18/7/08
Oh Dear God, he's become a Boy Scout Troop Leader.
Old No.7
JimRockford
Posted 10:56 AM 18/7/08
Rex'll be the first in line when the SATC comes out just so he can shoplift it.
JimRockford
WGARefugee
Posted 11:25 AM 18/7/08
@NoWireHangers: Exactly! We must hold them to a higher standard for the good of our mighty kingdom!
WGARefugee
Oxycontinmoron
Posted 2:19 PM 18/7/08
Snark - with an Element of Clever.
Oxycontinmoron
Oxycontinmoron
Posted 2:18 PM 18/7/08
@Losin_it: So I'm guessing T(eam)-Rex?
Oxycontinmoron
JacobFreeze
Posted 2:45 PM 18/7/08
What's not to like about a movie with a wedding ring impersonating an erection and sushi served à la vagina?
JacobFreeze
Dimo
Posted 3:29 PM 18/7/08
It's about time she got that thing taken off. My God, it had it's own SAG card.
Dimo
raincoaster
Posted 6:15 PM 18/7/08
Didn't she actually PLAY a witch, in that Bette Midler thing? Or am I possessed by the spirit of Rex Reed (ew, cooties)?
raincoaster
Lapinot
Posted 8:54 PM 18/7/08
@raincoaster: Yes. I fancied the hell out of her back then. Such a shame she became in involved in this horrid, smug series.
I adore his scarf, by the way.
Lapinot
thebullfrog
Posted 10:36 PM 18/7/08
@raincoaster: Spot on! Hocus Pocus. And she was adorable in it. Y'know, back when was still capable of being adorable.
Oh, SaNDeE, where have you gone?
thebullfrog
Rob_Peter_to_Pay_Paultard
Posted 11:44 PM 18/7/08
I hate to defend the SATC "phenomenon", but... wasn't Rex Reed was in Myra Brekenridge?
Rob_Peter_to_Pay_Paultard
gwendolyn
Posted 1:11 AM 19/7/08
@Miss Cast: Quite insightful. Mr. Reed has always struck me as one of those gay men who loves the bitchy 'Boys in the Band' culture but probably isn't so much about the sex.
I passed him once on 6th Avenue in about 1993 and, even 15 years ago, he didn't look too good. And he had the bitter bitchface for days...
gwendolyn
SugartitsMcFirecrotch
Posted 1:31 AM 19/7/08
It looks like ol' Rexy is trying to rock an alcoholic, even-gayer version of Cary Grant.
Sad.
SugartitsMcFirecrotch
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 3:16 AM 19/7/08
@Losin_it: You're right, I can't be certain the guy is a lady-hater. I know I do personally dislike his 'old school' punny brand of film criticism. His title of his review for Finding Amanda was "Totally Whorible". Cue that 'wah-wah' sound.
Huge Tracts of Land
FranklyScarlet
Posted 5:44 AM 19/7/08
I love Rex because he's not afraid to call a horse-face a horse-face.
FranklyScarlet
WVFrosty
Posted 2:22 AM 20/7/08
Know what he's a queer old Camel face. He hates women because he wants to BE one, that's why his Big Potato nose wrapped his mother's ugly bright yellow scarf around his neck to hide an adam's apple!! (not an Eve's apple btw) What about ugly Owen Wilson or Adam Sandler or Robert Diniro? Oh, that's right they're males- NOT women!!!
He's a gigantic A$$ hole!!!
WVFrosty