Gwyneth Paltrow's Kids In Rehearsals For Cross-Dressing Toddler Tour
Posted by Molly Friedman at 6:50 AM on July 11, 2008
Our borderline obsession with Gwyneth Paltrow's new look as a S&M fetishist during her Iron Man promotional Tour of Transparent Minidresses may have rubbed off on lookalike daughter Apple. But not the way you'd think. Rather than doing the typical copycat routine most little girls go through when their mum is hot, the 4-year old papier-mache donkey fan is not turning herself into a fashionista, but using little brother Moses as her muse. As Paltrow says, "She makes Moses cross-dress." The question is: how far is Apple taking the tranny toddler theme, and does this mean little Moses is destined for an adolescence of boy-curious desires like his dear old Dad?

Admittedly, the tousled blondie Moses would probably look very hot to trot in a pair of Mom's tarantula heels, but being the devoted maternal icon Gwyneth is, we hope she puts a stop to this cross-dressing business at footwear considering the kid can barely walk yet. And Paltrow makes sure to backpedal on the overshare with People by adding that "[Apple] doesn't put makeup on him!" Phew! As long as gollops of Merlot-shaded lipstick and inch-long eyelash extensions aren't included in Apple's bag of cross-dressing tricks, we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Moses won't follow in the footsteps of Brad Pitt penis-envying Chris Martin, who wound up so bicurious he became convinced Gwyneth's "boobs are fantastic" just to straighten out.
[Photo credits: X17, FilmMagic]

Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
bichon
Posted 7:22 AM 11/7/08
But they'll cry with a Brit accent which will please mom no end.
bichon
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 7:19 AM 11/7/08
Man, are these kids gonna get the FRIGGIN HALE kicked out of them on the playground when they get to school.
Huge Tracts of Land
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 7:14 AM 11/7/08
Sheesh...Pam Anderson doesn't embarrass her kids as much as Gwyneth does...
Little Mintz Sunshine
TaraIncognita
Posted 7:42 AM 11/7/08
I, for one, think Apple looks like Chris.
TaraIncognita
NoGrumpys
Posted 7:41 AM 11/7/08
"And his hair was all YELLOW"
NoGrumpys
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 8:17 AM 11/7/08
@kookla: And he got the spit kicked out of him! Well, until he summoned plagues. Can Chris Martin's spawn summon plagues?
Huge Tracts of Land
kookla
Posted 8:09 AM 11/7/08
C'mon, even the other Moses wore long dresses and gladiator sandals.
kookla
kookla
Posted 8:47 AM 11/7/08
@Huge Tracts of Land: I don't know about plagues, but I think Chris thinks that he walks on water.
kookla
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 9:30 AM 11/7/08
@kookla: Oh wait, Chris Martin himself CAN summon plagues. It's called his music oh damn.
Huge Tracts of Land
hummingpenguin
Posted 10:05 AM 11/7/08
@TaraIncognita: She looks like Chris and Blythe Danner, especially in the eyes. Moses is a spitting image of Mom.
hummingpenguin
raincoaster
Posted 6:15 PM 11/7/08
@Huge Tracts of Land: Presumably, given that Chris Martin IS a plague.
raincoaster
lesbiansayswhat
Posted 8:21 PM 11/7/08
Truth is mom and dad look the same. And so do their kids.
lesbiansayswhat
NoGrumpys
Posted 1:35 AM 12/7/08
@lesbiansayswhat:
Truth is mom and dad look the same.
She's the ones with the breasts that keeps him hetro
NoGrumpys