But what of little David Banda? For whatever reasons, that was our first reaction to rumors that the marriage of conical-bra-popularizer Madonna to lad-flick director Guy Ritchie was all but over. Well, when we actually stop to think about it, we can figure out the reasons: Lourdes and Rocco are half Ciccone--meaning their DNA is hardwired to withstand just about anything life could throw at them. What's more, were there a divorce, the two elder siblings could access their respective biological dads at virtually any moment with little more than an international mobile calling plan. But not little David: His known world would be splintered apart, one parent flouncing off to the country of hot dogs and baseball, the other staying put in bangers-and-cricket land. His real dad, meanwhile, was a world away, catching glimpses of the domestic unrest in his local Malawian celebrity tabloid, and second-guessing all the while his decision to sell his son to the global pop icon for a year's salary and a signed copy of "The Immaculate Collection." We prayed--oh, how we prayed!--that somehow these two would make it work. Clearly, God hates us:

Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands tomorrow, that Madonna's seven-year marriage to Guy Ritchie has stalled out - and the singer has been hosting late-night visits from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez at her Central Park West apartment in New York City.

A ringless and grim-faced Ritchie, 39, arrived in New York City from London yesterday after several weeks apart from his family

A source tells Us that the $28-million-a-year Rodriguez, 32, has made numerous solo nighttime visits to Madonna, 49, at her spacious home and would sneak out "as late as midnight." Says the source, "All the doormen are talking."

Alex Rodriguez? A-Rod? The Cooler? The Dominican Whammy? (OK, we may have made up that last nickname.) We're having a hard time processing this. And yet suddenly, things are starting to fall into place: The family-sans-Guy outings to Yankee Stadium. The pinstriped bustiers. The persistent, "Mommy: Is A-Rod my new daddy now?" line of questioning from a confused Rocco. And yet--we still refused to believe the Madge-Rod rumours. Until, as if by clockwork, this arrived in our mailbox: "'Madonna's husband Guy arrived in New York last night to be with his wife and family (not in a last ditch attempt to save his marriage which does not need saving),' Liz Rosenberg told PEOPLE. 'There are no plans for Madonna and Guy to divorce.' [...] Madonna and Alex have the same manager, Guy Oseary,' Rosenberg says. 'They have met. They know each other and Madonna took her kids to a Yankees game last week. There's really not anything to comment on beyond that.'"

Oh God--a Liz Rosenberg denial. She might as well be nailing the entire team.

• EXCLUSIVE: NY Yankee Making Late-Night Visits to Madonna's Apartment [usmagazine.com]
• Madonna's Rep: No Divorce, No Affair [People]

Tags: celeb divorce | guy ritchie | madge-rod | madonna | top