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Defamer Matchmaking: Who Will Sarah Silverman And Jimmy Kimmel Be F*cking Next?
Posted by Molly Friedman at 8:20 AM on July 22, 2008
Whenever a long-standing couple like Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel hit the skids, we feel the need to play Emma and set the lovelorn kids up with someone new ASAP. And since we were the ones who debunked the news that Jimmy had already rebounded with one of his writers, we feel like we should continue our tradition of suggesting a few paramours for the pair of funny people. See our suggestions after the jump.
Our Suggestions For Jimmy:
Adam Carolla: We've never actually seen Kimmel look quite as happy on any TV appearance to date than during those beer-guzzling days of homo-erotic male bonding with Carolla, currently desperate for some much-needed post-Dancing With The Stars publicity.
Cameron Diaz: One of the co-stars of Kimmel's revenge video in which Ben Affleck managed to keep down a visible need to dry heave while millimeters away from Kimmel's mug, we've noted recently how eager the bed-hopping actress is for action. And so far, no amount of plumber butt crackage, receding hair lines, or drastic height differences have stopped her from jumping into the next bed!
Emily Gould: Any loyal reader of our siblings in snark over at Gawker are more than familiar with that epic battle between Kimmel and former Gawker blogger Emily Gould. Standing in for Larry King last year and feeling very important about it, Kimmel accosted Gould for daring to contribute to a site that caught him "drunk and talking loud" on the streets of Manhattan. But whenever we watch the clip, we can't help remembering why all those chubby little kindergarten boys would be mean to girls: they sooo wanted to take them behind the school bus and get them pregnant!
Our Suggestions For Sarah:
Seth Rogen: We don't know about Sarah, but we would have been more than a little miffed after seeing less-funny quasi-Jew Elizabeth Banks stealing her thunder by filming the (again) less-funny version of Silverman's original "I'm Fucking" video alongside the goofy and kinda Kimmel-esque Seth Rogen. What better way to kill two birds with one fuck stone than to team up with Seth and form the new and improved comedic union of uncomfortable love?
Britney Spears: Remember what we said about those mean boys on the playground? We've long suspected Silverman's borderline-cruel rant against Spears after her tragic VMA performance may have been a guise for an intense girl crush. And Britney, lest you forget, dabbled in the very chic girl-on-girl movement long before Lindsay and Sam made it "cool."
Doug The Dog: Because who wouldn't risk jail time to pucker up to this little twitchy bundle of chihuahua ass?
- IT'S OFFICIAL: KIMMEL AND SILVERMAN NO LONGER F*CKING [Vanity Fair]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
EclecticBuddha
Posted July 23, 2008 6:37 AM
A note on Adam Carolla needing publicity post DWTS. He's currently putting together episodes for his latest endeavor, hosting the American version of the BBC classic show "Top Gear." Which will be on NBC this fall. Plus you can hear him every day on his fantastic radio show "The Adam Carolla Show" which has recently started being touted as the flagship show for CBS Radio.
So don't worry, kids. He's out there and making entertainment for all of you.
raincoaster
Posted 8:56 AM 22/7/08
You reeeeeeeaaaaally hate Emily, don't you?
raincoaster
Trixie from Toronto
Posted 8:56 AM 22/7/08
She also snarked bitterly on Paris Hilton. And there have been rumours that both Paris and Sarah secretly delight in Sapphic activity. There you go! I just hope Sarah remembers to get exterminated afterwards.
Trixie from Toronto
NoWireHangers
Posted 8:50 AM 22/7/08
Thanks for this post. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that last doughnut, and now it's no longer in my stomach.
NoWireHangers
uncle_wiggly
Posted 9:21 AM 22/7/08
Sarah should be fucking uncle wiggly, but sadly, based on her prior track record, she will probably hook up Ed McMahon or some other Kimmel-like person.
uncle_wiggly
WGARefugee
Posted 9:08 AM 22/7/08
@raincoaster: Boy do they.
Memo to self: never piss off an economics major.
WGARefugee
ColbertNation
Posted 10:05 AM 22/7/08
I just read a very long winded and very esoteric article about this Emily person to find out why she was brought up in this article. That's three minutes I'll never get back.
PS: I want to fuck her too.
ColbertNation
Desk_hack
Posted 9:58 AM 22/7/08
US will report that Sarah was seen canoodling at a Radiohead show with someone of the Demitri Martin variety, while Jimmy will be caught canoodling with his own hand in the bathroom of the Flying J Truck Stop outside of Barstow.
Desk_hack
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 10:21 AM 22/7/08
Jimmy: Jo
Sarah: Slade
Little Mintz Sunshine
juniperjenny
Posted 11:08 AM 22/7/08
I love Emily Gould. I feel like she's on my list of good friends who have suffered from my leaving New York.
juniperjenny
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 11:47 AM 22/7/08
@Little Mintz Sunshine: Alliterdating...because you probably failed chemistry.
Little Mintz Sunshine
kylo4
Posted 3:53 PM 22/7/08
@WGARefugee: I remember watching that clip but I didn't remember the site. I'm glad I didn't because I would of had a negative view of Gawker if I did. Coming here I like and have posted at almost every single Gawker site and probably view them more than other people do, and yet I feel like Emily Gould very poorly represented the site there. She just laughed it off, acted like it was a joke and didn't seem like a very nice person. She didn't seem representative of the interesting personalities present at all Gawker sites, from Jesus at Gizmodo to Owen Good at Kotaku and Ben Popken at Consumerist. Any of them would've been a much better choice to speak to CNN.
Having gotten that off topic rant out, I'd have to say that Seth would be lucky to date a girl like Sarah Silverman. Maybe he should go for it.
kylo4
roahboah
Posted 1:34 AM 23/7/08
I love seeing those shots of Jimmy and Sarah together, when she tries to put a "normal-person" face on. It looks painful. What a loon.
roahboah
Frecklepup
Posted 12:21 AM 23/7/08
Was Defamer bought by Disney, owner of ABC? That can be the ONLY reason we're hearing about Jimmy "Who?" Kimmel. Geez, you got any news about Alex Winter?
Frecklepup
A Pimp Named DaveR
Posted 3:08 AM 23/7/08
Always liked Laura better. Just had to say it.
A Pimp Named DaveR