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Dangerous Pant- And Tree-Snakes Abound In Best Porn Intro Ever!
Posted by Seth at 12:00 PM on July 9, 2008
· You'll likely have many questions after watching the Best Porn Intro Ever. We'll likely not have answers. Still, that doesn't detract from the fact that this is, without a doubt, the best. Porn. Intro. Ever. [YouTube]
· Mark Burnett is being sued for $70 million by Mr. Drummond. Oh wait—that's Conrad Bain. Never mind. [ABCNews.com]
· Ladies and gentlemen: We proudly present the shirtless, out-of-work bartenders who'll be standing around a kitchen island saying racist things on this summer's tenth edition of Big Brother! [Yahoo]
· Something about Madonna's return to gossip bad-girl status has sent her running back into the arms of her former stunt-lesbian tonsil-field-hockey-partner, Britney Spears, for comfort. Britney got a job out of it. [CNN]
· OMGZ! Some of David Lynch's favourite restaurants are some of our favourite restaurants! (Actually we're only sort of feigning surprise. We've seen him sitting outside Figaro about 12 zillion times.) [LAT]
· And finally, a hearty congratulations to our own videostronomer Molly McAleer, named by Urlesque as one of 20 "Bloggers We Want To See In Bikinis." It's her two-piece-rocking world. We just live in it. [Urlesque]
Tags: clip | short ends
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
Benovite
Posted 12:45 PM 9/7/08
The guy had sex with the snake then proceeded to beat it.
What's the problem?
Benovite
Old No.7
Posted 12:23 PM 9/7/08
Low budget? Dork out of his league? Disinterested girl? No sex?
Welcome to Old No.7's prom night, circa 1985.
Old No.7
metroville
Posted 12:22 PM 9/7/08
I'm somewhat surprised that scene didn't make the final cut of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
metroville
Cam/ron
Posted 12:22 PM 9/7/08
Any Canadian who is brave enough to battle and conquer an Anaconda-sized Garter Snake deserves a beej.
Cam/ron
Mabimab
Posted 1:04 PM 9/7/08
That's funny, I thought that was the same way Bai Ling learned to speak English.
Mabimab
raincoaster
Posted 12:56 PM 9/7/08
They really DO audition them with a ruler!
raincoaster
Tiger_Tanaka
Posted 2:23 PM 9/7/08
That was better than both Anaconda movies.
Tiger_Tanaka
Shumina
Posted 5:46 PM 9/7/08
"Dey got snakes out here dis--" BOW-CHIKKA-WOW-WOW
Shumina
mothrafairy
Posted 10:37 PM 9/7/08
She smells flimsy bits of dead tree leaves as if they were soaked in exotic unguents.
She breaks new ground with lines like, "Okay", "Okay, I understand", "Snake", and "Okay".
The Canuck? Convincing.
If Kubrick had watched this before filming "Eyes Wide Shut," cinematic history might look very, very different.
mothrafairy
CourageousCoward
Posted 11:58 PM 9/7/08
Congrats, Molls. May your comment board be free of haters and "Hurlesque" comments.
CourageousCoward
CourageousCoward
Posted 11:56 PM 9/7/08
I worked with Conrad Biggs and can tell you he ran MBP. He put up with a lot of shit and was obviously not given the credit or renumeration he deserved. Oh wait, this is Hollywood. Of course he didn't.
CourageousCoward
CourageousCoward
Posted 11:54 PM 9/7/08
"I warned you about the snakes out here. Oh, look, here's one in my trousers!"
CourageousCoward
NoWireHangers
Posted 1:12 AM 10/7/08
Things in the backyard went well until the mongoose arrived.
NoWireHangers
Losin_it
Posted 1:22 AM 10/7/08
"20 Bloggers We Want To See in Bikinis"?!
Okay. Molls I can perhaps understand. But there are 19 more?
Losin_it
myrtlebeachbum
Posted 2:17 AM 10/7/08
Add "porn snake" to the list of snakes I never want to see again: lake snake and toilet snake.
myrtlebeachbum
thesuspiciouspackage
Posted 3:15 AM 10/7/08
Hey, they cut the best part! You know, where the snake swallows Jon Voight.
thesuspiciouspackage
DrAftershave
Posted 3:25 AM 10/7/08
she still needs to be careful...those one-eyed trouser snakes will spit at her if provoked.
DrAftershave
Jim (The Canuck One)
Posted 3:18 AM 10/7/08
@Cam/ron: Ah yes, the Canadian Lazy Tree Anaconda - easily identified as it falls on its victim and forces them to roll about wrap themselves up prior to strangulation. Recommended Strategy: Stop, Drop and DON'T Roll!
Jim (The Canuck One)
Breadbowl
Posted 1:57 AM 10/7/08
Mark Burnett's defense? Whatchoo talkin' 'bout conrad biggs?
Breadbowl
psych101
Posted 4:46 AM 10/7/08
@mothrafairy: But didn't he say right at the beginning "Welcome to America"? I was confused about the Canada shirt the entire time.
psych101
psych101
Posted 5:32 AM 10/7/08
@mothrafairy: I hear Vancouver can be freakishly warm. Temps into the 70s and all in mid-August.
psych101
mothrafairy
Posted 5:24 AM 10/7/08
@psych101:
The Peppy Canadian Snake Strangler's accent was straight outta some hole like Cornwall, Ontario. Trust me on this.
Moreover, only a Canadian porn auteur would portray his leading "lady" as fresh-off-the-boat from Hungary. There's a huge Canadian fetish for Hungarian women, especially when wrestling each other naked in great vats of goulash.
The tropical snake-inhabited trees? I cannot explain those.
mothrafairy
raincoaster
Posted 11:24 AM 10/7/08
@psych101: Nevah! We have had temperatures in the thirties, though.
raincoaster