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Creamer-Duty-Shirking Assistant's Firing Plays Out In Facebook Updates
Posted by Seth at 6:15 AM on July 26, 2008
Social networking phenomenon Facebook, everyone's favourite online poke-orgy, was quickly adopted by Hollywood types. As such, buried inside its various features—its Status Updates, its "Wall-to-Wall" graffiti nonsense—there are thousands of showbiz stories just waiting to be discovered. We think of College Road Trip director Roger Kumble, who admitted he was "trying not to hit refresh on Rotten Tomatoes" the day reviews came out accompanied by their dreaded green splat. In that vein, we bring you a screengrab fresh off the home page of comic Orny Adams, best known for being the younger, hungrier ying to Jerry Seinfeld's richer-than-God yang in the stand-up doc Comedian. His status updates—one at 8:12 a.m., the next 6:50 p.m.—tell a whole Hollywood story unto themselves:
8:12am Orny is jetlagged and bummed his assistant forgot to put half and half in the fridge for his coffee.
6:50pm Orny is hiring a new assistant and looking for a new webpage designer to work with my current guy... someone hungry and creative.
Their dairy-replenishing duties having been shirked, it took Adams eleven hours to make the always painful decision to let his assistant go, drop the ax, then Status Update the world about it. Having dangled his modifiers, however, Adams was inundated with only hungry-assistant applications, resulting in the rest of the contents of his fridge soon going missing, as well. We hope his support-team woes are soon all in the past.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
mr.Man
Posted 8:04 AM 26/7/08
A bit of brilliance from the comedic goldmine that is Orny's site:
"I got the Iphone 3g-- it's pretty insane. It even has GPS that pinpoints my exact location on a map and every girl in the area that wants to date me."
Just killed on Leno again? I never would have guessed.
mr.Man
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 7:22 AM 26/7/08
I'm sure Orny's last assistant and his next assistant will have the same name. And that would be "Mom".
Little Mintz Sunshine
SeaPeople
Posted 7:20 AM 26/7/08
Are we sure this guy has an assistant? Doesn't one need to make enough money to pay for said laborer? Or is this one of those "you'll totally get college credit and awesome experience to put on your resume" type of positions?
SeaPeople
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 7:14 AM 26/7/08
@A Pimp Named DaveR: **phone rings**
"Is it about my cube?"
Huge Tracts of Land
A Pimp Named DaveR
Posted 7:10 AM 26/7/08
4:30 -- Your car is illegally parked. If you do not move it, it will be crushed into a cube.
4:45 -- Your car has been crushed into a cube.
5:00 -- Your cube is illegally parked.
A Pimp Named DaveR
the.munson
Posted 7:04 AM 26/7/08
What I like is that the "I'm in Love with Orny Adams" Group has 8 members while the "Orny Adams is a horrible person/comic has 5 members.
My guess is after today the latter group will be the popular group.
the.munson
gwiliandre
Posted 7:03 AM 26/7/08
@Assistant/Atlas:
love you!!!!
gwiliandre
nick_r
Posted 6:59 AM 26/7/08
@metroville: I agree with you, except I'd replace "just beneath" with "right on top of".
nick_r
ge90036
Posted 6:56 AM 26/7/08
I went to his website. Wow does it scream "I'm a big fucking tool."
ge90036
RocketRockit
Posted 6:52 AM 26/7/08
I'm friending him immediately.
RocketRockit
Assistant/Atlas
Posted 6:45 AM 26/7/08
You should've seen his assistant's Status Updates:
8:23am: If you're so international that you're jetlagged, you should be international enough not to drink fucking half-and-half in your coffee, mouthbreather.
1:17pm: Being pissed about coffee in the morning=understandable. Still being pissed off about coffee after lunch=psychotic.
3:01pm: If you're naming your child Orny, you probably should've just had an abortion.
4:15pm: I never should've left Nebraska.
6:22pm: Freedom! Sweet freedom!
Assistant/Atlas
raincoaster
Posted 6:44 AM 26/7/08
raincoaster is hastily signing out of Facebook...
Aw, this is like haiku tragedy. It's beautiful; will there be a musical version?
raincoaster
NoWireHangers
Posted 6:43 AM 26/7/08
Note to new assistant: certain bodily fluids are easily substituted for half and half, especially when your new asshole boss is bleary eyed.
NoWireHangers
Seth
Posted 6:36 AM 26/7/08
@Old No.7: It's Friday. Roll with it.
Seth
Old No.7
Posted 6:34 AM 26/7/08
Old No.7 is having to use Google to see who the fuck this nobody is.
Old No.7
metroville
Posted 6:28 AM 26/7/08
Watching Comedian, I was vaguely disturbed by the hate-filled sociopath that seemed to be lingering just beneath the surface of Adams' "decent comedian just trying to make it" persona.
metroville
TurdBlossom
Posted 6:24 AM 26/7/08
TurdBlossom is upset at himself for having read this in the first place.
TurdBlossom
Barbarella
Posted 9:01 AM 26/7/08
@Assistant/Atlas: Hysterical.
Barbarella
IamXenu!
Posted 12:37 PM 26/7/08
8:12am Orny is bummed his assistant lost his shoes.
IamXenu!
LLH
Posted 3:08 PM 26/7/08
6:23pm Orny wonders what assistant did with his furniture. also, why his latest dvd release just doesn't seem to be moving.
LLH
dluvvly
Posted 12:25 AM 27/7/08
Just exactly how unfamous does one have to be these days to warrant an assistant?
dluvvly