Blind Item Guessing Game: Who's Gay, Closeted And Wants You To Fuck Their Wife?
As many loyal Defamer readers must know by now, our favourite blind items tend to include three elements: closeted actors, drug-addicted actresses, and those rare but joyous items that include the quote "Do you want to fuck my wife?" And kudos to the NY Daily News for providing us with the gruesomely enjoyable trifecta all in one sordid little piece today:
"Which cocaine-loving actress is said to be relying on her closeted husband to meet guys? A source says that when they were at a party recently, the hubby asked a fellow guest, 'Do you want to bleep my wife? Because you can.'"
Sounds like a cinch, abounding with potential suspects, right? Not so fast. After our handy thinking caps proved to be malfunctioning this morning (or, possibly, the mindgrapes under said cap?), we took a few guesses after the jump, but today calls for the help of you commenters who, as always, are typically far more savvy at this sort of thing than us:
Anyone else who sadly remembers Mango the flamboyant monkey, or Corky Romano the flamboyant mob kid or, really, Chris Kattan the flamboyant Chris Kattan, was surely as shocked as we were to hear someone like model/actress Sunshine Tutt had agreed to marry the quirky little guy. Is she a cokehead, though? Well, were we forced to utter "Sunshine Tutt" whenever introducing ourselves to someone, we might need something to bolster a bit of confidence too. Melanie Griffith has admitted to dabbling with her fair share of substances in the past, and hubby Banderas has not only high-kicked on Broadway, but dude has not one, but two perfumes colognes under his shiny belt. Yasmine Bleeth, maybe the biggest repeat offender in cocaine bustland, is married, but we (and, we suspect, she) don't have a clue who this husband of hers is, but perhaps none of the above matters. When we hear the term "closeted actor," we instinctively picture the two actors most closely associated with the phrase in the public's eye: man-smoocher John Travolta and macho, macho man Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes is many things, but a cokehead? Nah. Kelly Preston, on the other hand... How an actress could fake her way through filming an explicit sex scene with Cruise without the aid of drugs? The world may never know.
[Photo credits: Wireimage, FilmMagic, Getty]
- CELEBRITY SIDE DISH [NYDN]
View: AU Comments (1) | US Comments (29 comments)
I don't really follow the gossip that much, but I saw this question in the Daily News last night, and my first thought was Tom and Katie.
I really don't care if I am wrong, but those two are just creepy.
And even with all the hollywood make-up, there has been more than a time or two there Katie Holmes has looked really strung out for some reason or another.
The real question is, who is selling them the drugs?
I bet it's Billy Ray Cyrus lmao.
From what I've heard, Mrs. Travolta is out of the running since a special arrangement with her husband allows for her girlfriend to live in their guesthouse. My money's on Antonio and Melanie.
Hushie
When you hear the words:
"Do you want to fuck my wife, because you can"
The honeymoon is over.
DrFeelgood
I will, for the rest of the day, choose to believe the wife in question is Preston.
goldfarb
Despite the fact that the last time I saw Kattan, he was emerging from the ladies' restroom I was waiting to use, I have a hard time imagining he has eyes only for the boys...
Something tells me there is more than one right answer to this question, sadly.
IleFemme
Kattan in an Afgan!!!!
NoGrumpys
Can you give cocaine to horses? If the substance in question was oats, carrots, or a shiny apple, my guess would be Sarah Jessica Parker.
rtisovec
@WGARefugee:
i'm sure Scientology can "cure" him
EuroDad
@WGARefugee: I mean Kaballah made him gay.
(Sometimes I hit submit too fast when someone's walking by)
WGARefugee
@Tiger_Tanaka: Why I oughta...You leave Yasmin Bleeth out of this!
kookla
I'm with No.7. Kaballah that made him gay.
WGARefugee
@Lapinot:
With a three-course meal or, say, a shoe-fitting. That's what I hope you mean.
mothrafairy
Spencer and Heidi.
Bon Jour, Pee Wee
@Old No.7: Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders would love you for that...
gwendolyn
Guy Ritchie?
Old No.7
Ordinarily, I would love to take a shot at this, but my mindgrapes have turned into raisins this PM...
But I can't resist. I have wondered for years about Mr. Matthew Broderick. But who would he think would want to do the horizontal bop with SJP?
Oh, oh. Kelley Ripa and Mark whatshisname! She's an old school spoon girl from what I have heard (here) and they have both 'acted' for money.
My grapes are back!!
gwendolyn
Isn't relying on your closeted husband to meet guys a little like depending on Lindsay Lohan for drugs? Sure, you may get some eventually, but you'll always, always wonder where it's been.
@Miss Cast: I would second you on this, except that Hugh Jackman's wife is definitely not on coke, unless it now comes in a high-fat version (which God should invent for Olsen twins).
@DukeLaCrosse: I think you're the winner, although I refer to her as Footface. Still, well played.
Assistant/Atlas
I'll just say, and it sucks that I remember this, but Chris Kattan used to
have hot, Mr. Peepers sex with the most beautiful actress out there,
Zooey Deschanel. I remember when he went on Stern, after she dumped him,
and was practically suicidal, as he should have been.
Getting in Z's pants gets you an automatic "not gay" from me.
StylusPictures
@Lapinot: Just remember, it's not over until the fat lady sings.
WGARefugee
What, no photo of Wolverine and what's-her-face?
Miss Cast
I would be delighted to pleasure Liza Minnelli, actually.
Lapinot
why couldn't Megan Fox be married to a gay Brian Austin Green so i could have a chance in hell?
EuroDad
One vote for Horseface Parker and Ferris Bueller.
DukeLaCrosse
I would have said David Gest and Liza Minnelli, but since they're divorced, he's straight, and no one would ever want to fuck her, I'll have to pick Travolta & Preston.
But only because any decent beard can eventually be brought as low as her man, behavior-wise.
mothrafairy
I wouldn't let any of them fuck me.
Hubert Cumberdale
If Jada likes to ski...
[theybf.com]
NoWireHangers
@kookla: In a town full of women who call themselves actresses for doing far, far less? Yes, we can!
Tiger_Tanaka
That's funny. I was thinking, can we really call Christie Brinkley an actress for that small part in Vacation?
kookla
He looks like Eric Bana's older, mongoloid brother with felt glued to his face.
TenTimesFiltered
My money's on Bleeth. Who's her husband? He looks like a bear. grrrrr!
TurdBlossom