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Behold And Be Stoked! The Young Prince McConaughey!
Posted by Seth at 5:30 AM on July 24, 2008
We forwarded Matthew McConaughey's people your favourite suggestions of Bongo Romcom and Miller Chill, but it seems he chose to go the Old Timey Gold Prospector route, and named his son Levi Alves. The OK! magazine exclusive currently gracing Gelson's checkout aisles and 7-Eleven service counters reportedly netted McConaughey $3 million; paired with the earnings from his Beef Guild spots, this additional income allows the actor the freedom to pursue smaller passion projects like Surfer, Dude. Flanked on the cover by girlfriend Camila Alves and tiny, perfect Levi, McConaughey still manages to maintain sultry eye-contact with the camera, as if to say, "Yeah, I'm a dad. But I'm not dead. Catch my drift? Is anyone else's shirt chaffing them? Boy, I could sure go for a lobster roll. Is there a clam shack in the area?" McConaughey explained to the magazine how the delivery room was transformed into an flip-flop-devouring bongo-vortex:
"We found a great rhythm," Matthew tells OK! about the delivery of baby Levi. "Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."
"We ended up having an epidural because, on the large contractions, the umbilical cord was being compressed. They went in and tried the vacuum. This is where I learned -- and no one tells you this -- but having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing! And I mean that as a beautiful thing. It is wild. But the vacuum didn't work, and the doctor said, 'C-section.'
"I said, 'Come here, little man. I saw the pecker and screamed that we'd been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to her [Camila],' Matthew said.
You'd think for $3 mil, they'd have forked over a couple shots of the beaming, shirtless new father, chest heaving and drenched in a variety of bodily fluids as he held aloft his bepeckered Prince Simba to the strains of "Drum Circle of Life." Oh well. We'll take what we can get.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
jadzia
Posted 9:18 AM 24/7/08
"WE" had an epidural? Fuuuuuuuuck yyyyeeeeewwww! Until his girlfriend does what I so desperately hope she will do, and pulls his bottom lip over his head (thank you, Bill Cosby), that man has no business saying that "we" did anything, except possibly conceive the little ball o'cuteness. Free Levi and Camila!
jadzia
Decebal
Posted 8:57 AM 24/7/08
I am sick to death of 3 day ole blobs, but this time I have to hand it to Levi, he is sooooooo cute, especially in the previous post on the tabloids cover stories, there is a picture of him actually smiling.
I bet you at 2 weeks old, he has cracked more smiles than Natalie Portman has in her entire life.
And now let's get ready for the obnoxiousness that will be the Chosen twins circus.
Decebal
strega
Posted 8:43 AM 24/7/08
@NoWireHangers:
Years from now when flipflop jr is reading the press regarding his birth I hope he bongos over to pops and beats the living fuck out of him. Other than being too much information and sounding like a complete jerk ("we?" he shoves a watermelon out his penis we'll talk we) this kid is going to hear it from his friends. over and over and over.
If it was a girl what would he have seen first?
strega
diablocody
Posted 8:19 AM 24/7/08
I love how he acts like childbirth being "bloody" is some kind of super-obscure medical factoid. Did he expect the baby to drift into the world on a tide of Mike's Hard Lemonade?
diablocody
WGARefugee
Posted 6:33 AM 24/7/08
Sounds like a $150,000 sweaty, pukey, primal thing with the usual cascading chain of interventions (petossin->epidural->c-section). Knocked-up girlfriend willing, I'd prefer the $4,000 sweaty, pukey, primal thing with a midwife.
[www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com]
WGARefugee
Losin_it
Posted 6:28 AM 24/7/08
I lost his narrative at the end there. Who's pecker was delivered to Camila? Matt's? Is that why she was screaming?
Losin_it
TheLemon
Posted 6:23 AM 24/7/08
Levi the Bepeckered One.
TheLemon
SikeChick19
Posted 6:19 AM 24/7/08
I can't believe I ever had a crush on him. I lose brainpower just reading about him talking. And that photo is disturbing.
@NoWireHangers:
That's the funniest thing I've heard so far this year.
SikeChick19
Xylo
Posted 6:08 AM 24/7/08
@NoWireHangers: Exactly. "WE had an epidural." Shut. Up. Bongo-boy.
Xylo
TurdBlossom
Posted 5:53 AM 24/7/08
"This is where I learned - and no one tells you this - but having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing!"
Aren't he and Jessica Simpson both from Texas?
Just askin'.
TurdBlossom
WatTooSoon
Posted 5:53 AM 24/7/08
I don't know they just didn't name him "Lil Dude."
WatTooSoon
Allie Anne
Posted 5:53 AM 24/7/08
"I sat there with her, right between her legs."
Wow - Matty NEVER fails to amaze!
Seriously, though - I don't mean to compare (well, actually - I do. They may as well get used to it. Hollywood's a bitch of a town ...) but this is the cutest celebrity baby of the recent bunch.
Jessica Alba's kid - meh. Jamie Lynn Spears' spawn - hmmm ...
Where do you send the tiny flip-flops?
Allie Anne
kookla
Posted 5:53 AM 24/7/08
What's with this "we" business?
kookla
heidiho
Posted 5:52 AM 24/7/08
I can't even begin to imagine how annoying it would be to have sex with him.
They should get rid of the exclamation point in OK's title. It should be read with a sigh, like, "OK, fine, People didn't want our photos, so we had to go with this one instead."
heidiho
RocketRockit
Posted 5:50 AM 24/7/08
This is reason enough to never get knocked up. Jesus, what a tool.
RocketRockit
NoWireHangers
Posted 5:50 AM 24/7/08
"Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."
I hope the afterbirth hit him in the face.
NoWireHangers
Old No.7
Posted 5:46 AM 24/7/08
He got arrested a few years back for finding a rhythm, getting tribal on it, and seeing the pecker.
Old No.7
jasonelias
Posted 5:36 AM 24/7/08
I didn't think Levi looked anything like him until I saw him making a bad movie and smoking a joint.
jasonelias
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 9:42 AM 24/7/08
I have no doubt that Matty charmed someone into giving him an epidural.
Little Mintz Sunshine
shag_carpet_bomb
Posted 2:53 PM 24/7/08
@WGARefugee: STFU already Ricki Lake. Every birth is different.
shag_carpet_bomb
gwendemarco
Posted 3:42 PM 24/7/08
Well, already his kid is smarter than him.
gwendemarco
WGARefugee
Posted 3:47 PM 24/7/08
@shag_carpet_bomb: I used to try to will Ricki Lake to to shut up when had to endure her talk show in the waiting room at my ex's doctor's office. If you watch the doc, the irony is that the filmmaker ends up getting a c-section. So, you're definitely right.
WGARefugee
Kona
Posted 2:49 AM 25/7/08
er, "pearly whites."
Kona
Kona
Posted 2:48 AM 25/7/08
@Little Mintz Sunshine: That's what I'm saying. I was annoyed with the "we" business at first, but you know that he totally went up to the nurse, flashed his pearly wipes and said, "hey there, mama. How about givin' one of those shots to ol' Matty boy? Alright, alright, alright."
Kona