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Ali Lohan 'Makes It Delicious' In Televised Tryout For Vaunted Porn Producer
Posted by Molly Friedman at 10:55 AM on July 30, 2008
It's always a hoot when you show up to an audition thinking you're just trying out for another straight-to-DVD horror remake, only to find out afterwards that you just emoted all your talents in front of a titan of the porn industry. In yet another display of complete parental ignorance, Dina Lohan's decision to send Lindsay-wannabe Ali on a journey to score a part in Troll in this weekend's season finale of Living Lohan was kind of equivalent to sending your 14-year old daughter on a read-through of Bun Busters 13 or Breast Wishes 15. Yes, Ali's eager efforts to make it big in showbiz has officially included a smiley "nerve-wracking" experience reciting classic lines like "Ratburgers!" in front of the multi-coloured hair piece-topped Peter Davy, responsible for discovering gangbang queen Houston, among many other hardcore accomplishments. The clip, including Ali's stomach-tightening attempt to impress the porn industry professionals, after the jump.
It's always a hoot when you show up to an audition thinking you're just trying out for another
We, just like most of you, watched the Sunday finale of Dina's pet project somewhat naïvely, unsuspecting of any cameos by canonized porn producers or guest spots made by directors intending on using Ali's potential role into a "private instruction" on how to turn an otherwise innocuous '80s film remake into a "delicious" and sexy flick made magical by "people in China." While the Troll director's instructions guide Ali through much of the embarrassing audition, we have a sneaking suspicion that Davy's presence is to blame for the wee Lohan's need to imitate the "acrobatic" lead's performance as Eunice, the "guardian against dark magic," by imagining the casting room's crew of greasy-haired Skinematic and Blowtime veterans are "really big movie people." Typically, we await tomorrow, when Dina releases a statement denying Ali was ever in such a room whatsoever, and that any footage documenting the fact that she was were created by vicious haters is pure "bull doodie."
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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jasonelias
Posted 12:17 PM 30/7/08
She makes Apollonia look like Dianne Wiest.
jasonelias
hughman
Posted 11:52 AM 30/7/08
"Here's a sketch I made - alone, in my bedroom. It's a little moist so don't lick the paper and you won't need any shots later. Also, can you lean forward a little?"
hughman
Losin_it
Posted 2:33 PM 30/7/08
Ali's (and her mother's) expectations for her career are so wildly out of proportion to her actual talent, you have to almost feel sorry for her. They've already got her as a singing sensation, an acting genius, a Ford model, and God knows what else.
Whatever she can do, she needs time to relax, to grow and learn, to find her niche. You can't thrust her into all of these situations because you want her to succeed immediately. What that lunatic mother is doing to her is madness.
Losin_it
hughman
Posted 4:38 PM 30/7/08
@Losin_it:
ya think?
hughman
raincoaster
Posted 6:28 PM 30/7/08
@Losin_it: You're absolutely right. A talented barista does not bloom overnight.
raincoaster
bichon
Posted 8:25 PM 30/7/08
There's always roller derby.
bichon
Losin_it
Posted 8:59 PM 30/7/08
@hughman: Yah. My comment had a high degree of obviousness, I know. Needed to get that off my chest.
@raincoaster: And with Starbucks stores closing all over America, even that window of opportunity is sorta closing.
Losin_it
Oxycontinmoron
Posted 12:10 AM 31/7/08
Heh heh. She said, "Hard on."
Oxycontinmoron
mothrafairy
Posted 12:48 AM 31/7/08
Poor girl was pathetic. You know those Titans of Cinema were dying to give her one of their alternative scripts. One wherein she has no lines, but does get to open her mouth alot and showcase a range of "noises."
mothrafairy
Cultmember
Posted 2:49 AM 31/7/08
Right now Dina's praying that Polanski would be allowed back in America so that Ali could get some work.
Cultmember
Readsforaliving
Posted 3:11 AM 31/7/08
"She's very acrobatic..." and apparently she has massive decolatage. Seriously. The girl is what, 14?
You've got to wonder about a budding "actress" who isn't comfortable having people look at her. I'm just sayin'...
Readsforaliving
TheQuestion
Posted 7:54 AM 31/7/08
Once again, Ali proves that the only way she'll ever have a career is to grow a rack like her sister's and pick up where Linds left off.
TheQuestion
MessyMortal
Posted 4:14 PM 31/7/08
ooo when I grow up I wannabe Dina Lohan's Children's therapist :0
MessyMortal